do a quick post before i'm off to the seat in front of the tv.. lol.. i was just wondering after a small conversation with a long time friend..

to no one in particular:
how long has it been since we last chatted with each other?? a day? a month?? or close to a year?? yet for some of us, we may have chatted months ago, and when we do chat again at this moment, we've got lotsa to talk about.. updating each other on our lives etc... but for others, there seems nth for us to talk abt even after months.. for some of us, we may have chatted just yesterday or recently and yet we still have lotsa to talk abt when we meet or call..

people say time heals all wounds.. to me, time seems to change everything.. be it whether we've been hurt or not.. for friendships, some may have deepen and become closer.. for others, we may have just drifted apart.. for relationships, a day together may not mean together forever.. but one thing i know for sure is, no matter how fast or slow time pass, no matter it's a day, a month or a year, there's this special grp of people here beside us alwaes.. supporting us and giving us the necessary help and support.. and the spiritual support we need and long for.. the happiness and warmth for us after each long day at work and in school.. and that special grp of people are known as FAMILY..

post time again.. lol..

headed out to somerset on friday with my 1 dearest best fren always and another dear fren frm TP.. ok, namely tracy and angeline.. lol.. went k box singing.. had fun time there and we went crazy lor.. mayb cause too much craziness, angeline slept there for a while while me and tracy, the 2 besties, continued singing.. haha.. and our bladders all got problem.. keep going to the toilet like there's gold in the toilet.. and btw, the toilet's pathetic lor... lol.. after k box, the 2 girls wanted to eat sushi so we went sakae and had sashimi buffet.. but i tot it was ex for one person.. $24++.. of course, it's worth it if you ate a lot but somehow that day my appetite was quite small and the cause of it came on saturday.. dots.. we chatted abt quite a lot of things lah which some of them not very convenient to mention on my blog.. lol.. after dinner, we shopped awhile as we made our wae back home.. all in all, i enjoyed that day lots.. was dead tired when i got home and btw, i got home by cab frm bedok interchange.. lol.. it was a very NICE outing with them.. hopefully can go out with them again soon!! lol...

"struck lottery" on saturday after a few hours of pain coming frm my tummy.. went out to eat though that evening and then came home and rest.. literally speaking, i slacked my saturday awae after piano in the morning...

as for today.. the pain was just killing me.. din really have a big appetite for lunch and dinner just now.. slept in the afternoon and den watched wan quan yu le.. lol.. i'm into wan yu again.. haha.. wadeva.. oh, i dreamt of zhi and fu last night.. so did tracy and that girl is supposed to tell me her dream.. haha.. so cool.. lol.. anywae, it's back to real life and back to being my sister's temp typist.. lol..

been busy the last few days?? hmm.. not exactly but i did go out with frens just this past week and i'll be going out again this week!! anyway, that outing was last thursdae.. went out with tracy and li ting to bugis.. managed to buy wadeva i needed to buy and the children's day gifts were although cute, they cost me quite a lot of money.. just the clips alone came up to almost $20.. but at least when i gave them out today, they were happy with it.. :)

as for today, i tink some people found out that i nearly had to handle the class of abt 18 kids today alone.. thx to hmm... of course, that excluded my parents and my sisters who obviously would know cause i'd have told them.. she smsed nancy this morning, informing her that she wun be able to come.. so nancy obviously told me and the 1st thing she said this morning when i saw her was.. " marianne, i've got bad news for you.." i tot wad bad news was it, but just news that she wun be turning up today.. and nancy was making arrangements for someone to come in and help me when.. poof!! she turned up and asked why she turned up, she said "oh, actually i wasn't feeling well but then i tot you would be the only one so i just come and help lor.. " dots.. not that her presence would make any difference but today, she did help me out a bit so it wasn't that bad.. she did a mindmap for me on the board so that the class could copy.. and i din tink of that so mayb one way or another, she did help out a bit today.. lol.. owells..

will be going out later in the evening for dinner.. not sure whr but i guess it sure will be good food tonite!! lol..

i'm dead bored.. the games online are pathetic.. nth to do till 5 plus when my show starts... dots.. crapping here anyway.. lol... gosh, someone save me from this boredom that i'm suffering from!! ahh!! lol... anywae, i miss sch.. i miss the frens in sch!! haiz.. mayb i dun miss all.. but i'm sure i miss the gals and that someone.. such a random post.. ok, i'm off!

this wasn't the 1st time already.. it happened before and it happened again.. i shouldn't have been rash but that feeling's coming back again after so many months.. mayb i shouldn't have looked for it.. maybe staying home would be better.. i really dun noe.. i apologise for my mistakes, for my behavior and for my attitude.. but i wish i could have turned back time.. really...

i treasure the friendship i have with you now.. at least although i know i may nv stand a chance anymore, but i'm happy with the current status quo btw us.. and i hope u treasure it too.. at least things are improving btw the two of us and we're getting to know each other better and i truly hope that u wun take it to heart with wad i tell u or msg u at times.. but i just wan u to know that although i still like you and sometimes i wish that you'll give me a chance, i wan you to know that i know certain things can't be forced and can't be rushed so i wun rush this.. i'll let things be as it is.. mayb things will change after some time but i hope that even though we may not be together, i still hope that we can be very good frens to the extent that i can share everything with you and vice versa.. will u give me a chance to do just that?? will you?? p.s i hope you know who i'm referring to...

yup yup! 1st ever post after my exams.. anyway, exams ended on thursday.. quite relaxed now and yes, i'm enjoying the freedom after exams and starting to bury myself with my interests and stuff.. lol... of course, besides enjoying myself, hopefully i'm not asked to re-sit for any supp paper especially csa.. will cry i tell you... but i guess it shld be ok bah, i pray?? and yes, i did pray before all my papers.. see, TRUST THE LORD... k, yesterday went back to KC.. honestly speaking, i shld have gone back on my own instead of as a grp.. of course that doesn't include bumping into old friends lah.. saw berlyn, carolyn, chun hui, michelle and etc.... after so long.. haha.. went a little over hyper when i saw them... haha.. after that went to look for teachers and found most of them and yes, had nice talks with them and well, they're happy to know i'm adapting and doing well in my new school!! and yes, i'm happy too.. after all that happened at the start of the new school year.. lol.. after that came back home and was at home for the rest of the day.. was quite tired lah.. lol... so anyway, as for today.. after a month's break from touching my piano, i'm back for piano lessons.. long long long long time nv touch piano le.. haha.. and i'm so thankful to yen hui jie for being so understanding.. she told me today that only when i think i'm ready den will she let me take exam again and for now, it's just music appreciation and yes ppl, i'm still learning.. lol.. but she say for me to continue, i have to take grade 5 theory and practical.. hmmm.. i may take bah.. but if it's like exam every year, i guess at least grade 5 practical will have to wait after my year 3 unless i just intend to play for the fun of it and really not continue.. but owells, i dun noe.. that will really have to depend how busy and how often i can practice in the future bah?? but for now, since i'm on holiday, i guess my house will keep hearing piano music coming from me.. lol.. cannot depend on angel.. lol.. kk, anywae, keep the post "short".. gotta go... bye!! :)))
yen hui jie, thx for being so understanding... :))

thank you thank you thank you thank you to all those who celebrated my birthday with me this year!! really enjoyed myself today!! :) here's what happened....

after BA1 exam, the gals(minus of ming li) and i went tampines to celebrate my birthday.. zi wei, cheryl, justin, rachel and nabilah went too and being naive and blur, i tot they really just went tampines for lunch and nothing else.. so with the 1st grp of ppl, we went century sq for lunch.. me, xiao min and da jie went TM at first cause angeline and yee sin went to buy something but because later angeline and yee sin were at century sq, we headed there.. so we ordered lunch and stuff and ate.. den yee sin signaled to one of the waiter and he brought out a cake.. lol.. the 2 of them bought a cake to celebrate my birthday!! so touched sia.. but the cake was too much for the 5 of us to finish so since they wanted me to bring the cake home, i took the cake along with me.. den angeline hurried us to go to the open space at TM level 4.. she say she want to go dere take picture.. couldn't quite understand but din ask and neither did i suspect anything.. went there and saw zi wei, cheryl, rachel, nabilah and justin waiting there for us.. lol!! they also bought a mint cake, hoping to celebrate my birthday too!! so yes, cut the cake again and the unfinished mocha cake.. the next thing i knew, angeline just smashed the cake into my face!! lol!! i was like.. wth.. but wasn't angry.. so went to wash up.. my hair smelt like choc and so did my shirt.. after that, they insisted that i eat a piece of the mint cake but before i could do anything, rachel smashed the piece of cake into my face and yes, i ate a little bit of mint.. yucks!! really taste like colgate!! so went to wash up again.. and cause my shirt was quite bad, wanted to change out.. so after that, we took some pics and den we left and it was only left with me, angeline and xiao min.. so we went shopping for clothes and the 3 of us bought a shirt alike!! and they paid for my shirt so yes, that's the birthday present!! :))) den we continued shopping and in the end, the 3 of us bought a bag each.. and the bag was similar and only mine and angeline's were of the same colour.. lol!! so one day, we'll wear the same shirt to sch with the same bag!! lol!! after that, they left and i waited for tracy.. lol!!

shopped at TIMES with tracy den went Macs to get a drink before gg to the arcade to slack.. den tracy went for dinner and i accompanied her cause i was more of tired than hungry.. after that, we wanted to take neoprints but cause tracy said not nice, we din take so we left TM and headed home.. felt quite sorry towards tracy cause i ended our meet earlier.. sry!! on the way home, someone smsed me and made me rather happy~~ angeline hinted that person that's why that person guessed that today was my birthday but i guess if it wasn't for angeline, i dun think i would be this happy!! so a big big big thank you to angeline!! but in conclusion, a big thank you to all these ppl who made my day memorable: TRACY, ANGELINE, DA JIE, YEE SIN, XIAO MIN, RACHEL, NABILAH, CHERYL, ZI WEI and JUSTIN.. and to all those who msged and wished me: HUI YEE, CAROLYN, CHERLYN AND ALL THE MANY MANY MANY MORE!! too many names to be mentioned so all in all, a big thank you!!!! :::))))

just felt like blogging.. haha.. ok, that's too... sudden to start my post.. lol!! anywae, this week was a sucky week for me.. friendship with a fren turned sour over an idol[that i dunno wad's so great about him other than good-looking and can sing].. ok, this is my blog so i guess i can talk crap here and if you're not happy den get lost... honestly speaking, i feel that yes, we both had our wrongs that nite.. but hey, weren't you not petty over this, getting upset and crying over it?? ok, yes, i admit that if today it was xiezhi and the grp came over and she got chosen, i would feel terrible but hey, i wun pull a long face and ignore you after that.. i mean, pls get a life?? and i know you wun be reading this cause u dun have my blog's address that's why i dun give a damn and write my tots here... ok, i may hurt u by writing this but let's be honest, i'm saying this from my heart and it's wad i really feel and think.. i hope u din go round telling people how evil i was to do this to you and shit but pls be mature[although u're 2 years older than me], count on ur poor luck? everyone and anyone who attended that concert has a right to be his princess although i dun give a damn cause he's not my style.. and you ought to know who i really like... so pls, get a life will you??

and stop pretending you're really cute.. sometimes it irritates me to see you acting cute.. not saying that i dun do it but hey, act ur age will you?? i'm not saying i'm not acting my age when i act cute but i do it to the right person who acts back too.. and pls stop asking people to say you're cute.. being your mei mei doesn't mean i have to always listen to you.. i've got my opinions and my priniciples... ok, you want to talk rite?? let's talk but stop ignoring this till after exams.. i'd rather get it over and done with and den focus on my exams.. not saying that i'm not focusing on them now but this will be a stone weighing on me until we talk things out.. mayb not me, but you.. i'll only choose to listen and not say a word unless it's necessary cause it's not me who wants to talk things out.. you chose it.. so if you think you wanna talk, you'll do the talking and i'll listen and i'll talk if i think there's a need.. ok, tat's all i have to say..

just had a sudden urge to blog after reading my dear god-bro's blog on a post he entered last year... suddenly so many tots surfaced... it happened last year... and for the past few mths, i realised i've changed a lot.. i seldom argue with my parents even though i still do but take it this wae, the arguements have become lesser... although i still do a little whining here and there but tell me frankly and honestly, haven't i changed mentally?? haven't i grown up?? i dun wish to sae this but i'll be honest, i still cry at night when i miss her.. i still want to mention her in my conversations although it's painful yet i dun wanna really really admit she's no longer around.. just mentioning her will make me feel that she's still around.. but we all know the real fact... special occasions just remind me of her... the most recent one?? my cousin's birthday celebration.. the upcoming one?? my birthday celebration.. i nv expected that last year's birthdays would be the last time she celebrated with us be it mine or my cousins or sisters... i won't know whether i'll cry again this coming christmas but i know she'll wan us to be strong.. it seems very long since she left yet recalling the mths, it's only close to 8 mths.. is it long or is it short?? but i know if i do cry again this year, it'll just show how fast time flies and it's a year gone.. many things happened yet all this made us even more stronger and more mature.. but i just realised that hey, within the next few years, i'll mature even more and be a stronger person.. owells.. GOD has his plans for all of us... and i TRUST in HIM.. :)

i shouldn't have entered her blog and read that damn post... the feeling of being guilty and that selfishness is back... really... mayb i really think i tink too much and stuff and being over-sensitive but this time round, i felt i am being rather unconsiderate even after deciding to exchange... argh!! but this is human's nature isn't it?? all humans are selfish but in a different way?? am i not wrong to say this?? or am i in the wrong? i really dunno.. but i really shouldn't have read her blog.. if i din read her blog, i guess i wun be feeling this way now.. but i really wan to tell this fren even though i know she may not read my blog:

it's not on intention that i dun wanna exchange with ur grp
just that i felt it was fair to draw lots
if you din get that time slot, u can only blame ur luck
so dun go round telling people how some people are just freakingly selfish and inconsiderate
i know it may not be me but i get the hint
i was part of the other grp who din quite wan to change
but when i wanted, ur grp changed alr
so stop saying some ppl are &%@%$!@#!@$!$
cause i believe even if you dun show it, you are one of a kind too

sorry about that but just felt somehow uncomfortable.. lol!!

yes yes, i know, it's has been a long long long long long time since i last blogged.. tot my computer couldn't sign me into but haha, i tried and yes, i'm blogging.. isn't it obvious?? lol!! i think this will be a long long long post.. anywae, just finished busying myself with all the projects! and finally all projects are over!! yeah!! happy happy! but there's the last presentation to go which i wish i dun have to present and i hate... bleah! argh!!! but happy thing is that i dun have to go to school on 17th cause got no class!! lol.. and because of some incident that happen today, i feel super guilty until i talked to dear ting about it!! thx girl! nice of you to listen!! hopefully can catch up with you soon after exams!!

anywae, things doing fine both at home and in school!! suddenly being able to blog, just leaves me at a loss for words.. dunno wad to write and even if write already, dunno whether ppl still interested in reading.. well, wun type a lot bah... if u ppl out there are still reading my blog, why not you leave a tag and i'll continue updating my blog!! lol!!till then, tata!! :)

haven updated for quite some time already.. mayb cause i've started writing a diary so everything goes into my diary.. lol! anywae, spent the recent weekends rather sadly and a little angrily cause of some stupid people.. if i've told you about it, you'll know who i'm talking about.. long story on how i got angry and upset with so i shan't comment on it.. -.- having lessons now.. but quite bored so updating my blog.. lol! haiz.. it's hard to forget but i know i can if i managed to forget nicholas.. it'll take time but i can do it.. lol! but the person's still on my mind.. so yikes! will i ever forget?? i really don't know.. anywae, will update another day when i find my blog dying! lol! oh, just a mention, i did well for my mid sem tests!! yeah! WELL DONE MARIANNE!! :)

taipei trip part 2

do a quick post before lesson starts! lol

day 3, 18th June, Monday

went to wu lai for hot springs in the morning. was there for lunch and only left at abt 2 plus. went to danshui after that after making a series of changes. the view was wow! quite nice. bought quite a lot of snacks back for loved ones at home. then, we went back to the hotel to rest before heading to hua xi night market. oh! and from xindian(wu lai) to danshui, i slept in the train.. and according to sisters, this guy drew a portrait of me.. lol.. and no, i din get that portrait.. -.-

day 4, 19th june, tuesday

lazed the morning at the hotel. went to xi men ding again to buy more gifts for friends etc... after that, we went to shilin and yes, all my remaining money was spent and used up there. bought pineapple cakes and bracelets there.. and yes, we went back to the jewellery shop and still can't believe the ppl there are super duper friendly... lol! headed back to the hotel after that and the sisters started packing.. lugguage was bursting and heavy lah with all the things we bought.. haha..

day 5, 20th june, wednesday

our last day at taipei. sisters went to the cathedral to take pictures of the mural while i stayed at the hotel, watching tv.. lol!! after that, we checked out and went to have lunch.. steamboat but it wasn't as nice as the one at wu lai.. after lunch, went to do a bit more window shopping and den proceeded to the airport. pat lost her earring there and was rather upset but i think she got over it alr.. lol.. took the plane back to sg and we were quite noisy in the plane.. haha.. funny things happened.. too lazy to type it out.. haha..

and now, i'm back in school.. really miss taipei lah.. i'm still in the holiday mood though.. lol!! hope to go back to taipei real soon!! lol!! :)

taipei trip part 1

hey folks! using the internet at the hotel in taipei while my sisters are out buying some food to eat. din go cause i just showered. lol. anyway, here's an update on my trip to taipei. short one. and is only the first part of my trip. shall update the rest another day after i return back to singapore tmr nite.. lol.. post is rather long but will try to split my trip into parts so it's easier to read.. folks, enjoy my story:

day 1: 16th june, sat
woke up at 5.45 am to do last minute packing of toiletries and stuff and to get ready to take off to the airport.. was rather excited esp. this is my first time to taipei and it's been abt 5 yrs since i last took the airplane.. so lol.. journey was abt 4 1/2 hrs frm singapore to taipei so in btw, i slept on the plane and watched movies and played computer games on the SIA plane. but the computer games were not much fun... lol. reached taipei at abt 1 plus and we headed down to the hotel, City Suites, after collecting our luggage and avoiding the dog at the baggage collection area. then smth happened quite funny and it's a long story. if you wanna know, ask me and i'll tell you.. after leaving our luggage and stuff, we headed down to shilin. that was our first stop and we tot that the shilin night market was pathetic until we found the real shilin night market and from there, we bought some bracelets and earrings from there. the owner of the shop or stall was very friendly.. told us whr to go, how to get there, wad must eat and wad food is simply, so-so.. after walking till our legs were tired, we headed back to the hotel and yup, that was the end of the first day.. lol

day 2: 17th june, sun
woke up at 5 plus and the sun was already up like singapore's 9am.. and the curtains weren't drawn so yah.. but went back to sleep although i din quite sleep well.. anywae, after breakfast, headed down to church for mass before going down to xi men ding. being sunday, xi men ding was naturally crowded just like singapore's orchard road.. shopped around, had lunch and snow ice. bought a pair of jeans on the second day, a leather bracelet and i think that was it. went to wu fen pu in the evening and gotten a white cardigan which i tot was sweet. and den, went down to raohe night market and it was simply like a maze. was rather tired at the end of the day cause of all that walking.. haha..

will stop at day 2 for now. story will continue as taipei trip part 2 and at day 3. so keep coming to my blog for more updates on my trip esp. if it's hard for us to keep in touch. so yah! will update soon!! lol!! gotta go. tata. see you back in singapore in abt 23 hrs time!! :)

it's been 2 weeks since i last updated.. lol.. haha.. anywae, tests are over! finally! today was the last day of our tests and the 1st day of our holiday. went out with angeline, xiao min, jacelyn, ming li etc after the test.. went to vivo city.. had quite a lot of fun with them today.. watched shrek 3 with them and a few other gals and guys from my class.. enjoyed myself today but am now real tired. nearly fell asleep during the movie.. haha... but really enjoyed myself! thx girls for keeping me company today and sry to let you ppl come over to my hse after the test for a while. but think you all enjoyed 'invading' my hse bah? haha.. hopefully can go out again with them during the hols and pls project grp members, dun disturb me during the hols unless it's really necessary.. haha. owells.. anywae, found a new person i'm interested in.. someone from my class.. but currently dun wanna think too much about it.. afterall, i've got abt 3 more terms to get to know him better.. lol.. owells.. anywae, can't wait for my long-awaited holiday in taipei! yes! haha.. will buy things back as sovenier for angeline, xiao min, yee sin, ming li and jacelyn and mayb him bah? shall see how.. lol.. ok, gtg..

read my sister's blog. yup, she's gone for 5 months now. tears somehow welled up in my eyes as i was reading it, and you know wad? i'm currently in school. typing this. sometimes i wonder, is she listening to us? is she praying for us now that she's a step closer to God. mayb she does hear us and does pray for us. time will heal all wounds, i guess. but it won't be so soon.. well, at least for me. ok, back to lessons.

my computer's lagging.. again. argh. can't seem to blog using my account. so currently using my mum's account to do my blogging. sch seems fine now. still settling down. yes, i adapt very slowly to new changes, new environment. but frens made are fun to be with. busy week this week. projects all slowly surfacing. meeting up in school to discuss project and stuff. so rather tired this week. dunno why also as compared to the other weeks. fell sick last week. was down with high fever on wed night, slight fever on thurs. fever went down completely on last fri and was on mc that day. but the cough still doesn't seem to go awae. still coughing but seems slightly better todae after visiting the doc on wed after csa class. like dots, i'm on medication again. how nice. -.- almost half a year has come and is soon going. mum, dad and angel leaving for rome next mon. so this will practically leave me alone at home during the day when the sisters are all at work. how nice. hopefully the tears dun come back again. KC's family day is next sat. will be helping out with mum and can't wait! can like finally get to see some classmates again like berlyn, caroline and gang! hopefully tracy will go back. haven seen her for a month or so and i miss her lotsa. as in back at those days, she was the one who would go crazy and we would yak away on 56. but now? hardly tok to her. either she's busy or i'm busy. so really hoping to see her back at KC. of course, looking forward to see others too! hoping they'll go back that day! haha. ok, time to move on and get my research done for my comm skills in-class assignment.

the tears have somehow stopped. but i'm still feeling scared, uneasy, insecure and stressed. scared, uneasy and insecure by the various things taking place and stressed by the online lecture notes and stuff. but all in all, i'm still slowly adapting. i still need time. everyday when i go to school, smses will be sent to my sisters and my mum. so i guess i still can sae, i'm still not exactly looking forward to school. but den again, school so far has been more or less quite interesting. ok, yes, i'm contradicting myself. hopefully tmr will be ok esp. when mum leaves home to go to school. after this week, i'm just hoping mum dun go to school on wed then i'll be fine. then again, mum has to be in school early on thurs and fri so chances is, she'll leave the hse earlier than me, leaving me to lock up or we leave the same time. of course, i'm hoping to leave the same time then i wun think too much. i mean, everytime for these few days, each time i'm alone at home, i tend to think too much. so just hoping that after a few more weeks, things will just get better for me. owells...

i've been crying over the last few days. as a result, my eyes are all a little red and swollen. reason being, poly has started. i'm so scared. although this week only has lectures, but it still scares me. i'm so scared i can't cope with tutorials and with project and group work. i'm so scared i can't fit in. i'm so scared of everything. i'm trying my best to not cry everyday and at least look forward to school. but wad's happening is however the opposite. i cry everyday and instead of looking forward to school, i'm looking forward to lessons ending and being able to go home. hopefully with time, this will all be the opposites. today so happen to be my one and only free day for this week. no lab class. ever since my aunt left us, i've been closer to my family members. as a result, i'm being homesick each time i go to school. tmr's thursdae. lesson in the morning till afternoon 2 pm with an hr break in btw so mayb it wun be too bad except when i'm gg to sch. but i can't say about fri. when i come home and shower after my 1st lesson during the 3 hr break, my mum leaves the hse and i'm left alone at home again till 1 plus. and then i'm back at school. haiz.. this is just scaring me and giving me a lot of stress. hopefully things get better.

during my orientation, i was badly homesick.. it was just so bad till i nearly wanted to cry.. just sort of missed home.. afterall, 5 mths since i haven attended school so guess will just have to slowly adapt to sch life again.. takes time, i guess.. made some new friends esp. those from my class.. real nice people but maybe cause i'm not close to them yet, i find it hard to talk to them but time... anywae, if anyone has a remedy for homesickness, pls tell me! i'll need to cure my homesickness fast! haha.. timetable wise, isn't much of a hectic.. still quite manageable.. but cause it's week 1, no tutorials only lectures so next week, mon to wed, i only go to sch in the afternoon for 2 hrs a day.. so mayb it wun be that bad but the later the lessons, the more i dun feel like gg at all.. but when the tutorials come in, i guess it wun be that bad lah.. as for thurs and fri, lessons till 2p.m for thurs and 4 p.m for fri.. so actually, more or less, i'll still be able to watch some of my fave shows so i doubt it'll be that bad.. will update again when sch proper starts..

my computer's lagging badly or is the system just getting on my nerves?? took so long just to load a page.. blogger got me irritated the last few days.. argh! anywae, was out with the girls on saturdae.. had fun with them doing shopping.. they got what they wanted and i got what i wanted so it was quite enjoyable! well, partly cause this would be the last time out shopping together esp. now that they've started poly and the next time out would be ages later... so was overall happy with my gain that afternoon.. met up for dinner with my dear long sisters and little cousin.. tired sort of overtook me and i was a little irritated with my cousin that evening for a little little while.. i become easily irritated if i'm out the whole day without any rest. hopefully it just gets better when school starts on monday officially... owells.. orientation's tmr.. not very enthusiastic about it but would love it if i get my timetable tmr.. den i can pon half a day on fridae.. yes, me poning orientation when i've never poned sec school b4.. haha.. it's so... unbelievable.. of course, plans to pon school will only be confirmed after tmr and on friday.. things will have to depend on how the orientation goes tmr.. if it's fun and enjoyable, den mayb i wun pon afterall.. if not, heehee.. i'll come home and sleep.. guess will be rather tired tmr.. owells.. actually i'm both excited and nervous when school starts.. after all that holiday-ing, it's time to get down to serious business and i'm gonna work real hard for the next 3 years.. hopefully there's still a chance for me to go university to get a degree.. lol.. a degree is better than a diploma so since i can, why not work hard and hopefully end up in the uni??? wun that be better?? and also, i dun wanna waste mum's money.. so yup, it just all boils down to one thing: work hard! lol... hopefully i'll make new friends tmr and enjoy myself and dun think abt *****... haha... :p

blogging time!! haha.. anywae, was at home the whole day after applying for my ez-link card at bedok interchange.. after 4 years, it's time for a new ez-link card with a new picture.. went back to KC yesterdae... as i was walking to the needle-work room, i started thinking about how we used to have lessons in class, the noisy corridors after recess, how we would laugh at teachers and their jokes and stuff.. really missed those laughter and joy we had in class.. i think before poly starts, these would be the days that i would miss.. afterall, KC could be considered as my 2nd home since i spent most of my time in school and with friends.. so naturally, i would miss everything. had a talk with my ex-form teacher as well.. wanted to play a small "joke" on her.. but din quite work out.. but she still rmbs all of us.. i think even if i lost contact with the juniors of CO, i'll still go back to KC and visit those teachers, provided they're still teaching.. haha.. owells.. the next time i go looking for teachers, will be when i go back to school to collect my year book and my GCE 'O' level cert, bah? haha.. i think i'll arrange a time with hui yee and clair and we'll go back together.. really missed my two dear partners!! haha... owells... shan't blog further.. :)
P.S: hey, am i such a funky god-sis to you?? you know who you are.. haha!

it's almost close to a week since i got my contacts and during this close to one week, i only wore my contacts once... actually i sort of regretted getting contacts done.. mayb because i'm at home most of the time just before poly starts and since i'm at home, i hardly touched my contacts. but come to think of it, i got my contacts only for special occasions like.. christmas? family photo shoots and mayb only during cny? hopefully when poly starts, i'll wear my contacts more often but yet at the tot of having to wash my contacts, put in and take out my contacts just puts me off.. guess i'm really not used to having a pair of invisible specs around and having to wear them. mayb it's just the experience, i guess? but somehow or another, i feel ok with the contacts on but in another undescribable way, i'm uncomfortable with it. really think i'm not used to it.. ok, this sort of concludes another consequence of my reckless thinking. owells...

I've gotten my contact lenses!! :D haha.. went to make my contacts yesterdae but somehow or another, i wasn't able to get the lenses in.. my eyes were red like a blood vessel just burst in my eye.. it was red so linda jie(my optician) suggested i come back another day to try putting the lenses in.. so i din think much about going down again today to do until tracy smsed me last nite to see if i can accompany her to look for a lap-top. so i suggested thomson den i can try and get my contacts into my eye.. and you know wad? i got both contacts in faster than yesterdae.. took about an hr as compared to the wasted 2 hrs at the optician, and couldn't even get it in.. so yes, i've got my contacts! haha. oh, and i told tracy that the girl who helped me today, cause linda jie was not around todae, looked like the default R&B grp's zaizai. she is so look-alike lah.. haha.. and of course, my dear friend, tracy, agreed.. haha.. really enjoyed today's outing although i was a bit sian of going down to thomson again and i was tired from yesterdae. so yah.. hopefully we can get to go out again just before the both of us start school. as for tmr, there's piano in the morning and stations of the cross with the IBG grp at St Joseph's tmr nite. was thinking of going down to TM to get my phone fixed.. hopefully i'll make a trip down.

do a quick post now before mum gets back on the computer.. supposedly a busy week but it seems slightly better.. supposed to be out today with the girls but cancelled it due to some reasons.. tmr there's my medical check-up in the afternoon(and mum is coming with me...:p) followed by grandpa's birthday celebration dinner at night at his house.. thursday will be out the whole day again i guess.. making my way to thomson plaza to get my contacts done(hopefully i can wear them despite my bad eyesight...) and then lunch with mum.. think we're going out after that but it's not confirmed.. and i'm free today and friday.. haha.. do i seem that busy??

anywae, i'm suddenly so obsessed with another cute guy but this time round, it's not a taiwanese guy but a hong-konger.. haha.. i think he's quite cute(p.s he looks a little like wu zun) and shuai.. but his shuai-ness is different from shaowei and xiezhi.. can't quite explain.. guess it's the feeling bah?? but i think towards this cute guy, it's just a 3-minute hotness.. haha.. well who knows?? but i just think he's cute and shuai.. :) haha.. ok, got to go.. will update soon..!! :D

rite.. my medical exam is next wed.. and guess wad? i just found out that i need to do a blood test which means poking a needle into my skin.. oh shitty.. i cry at the tot of having to take an injection wad more a blood test.. luckily mum is willing to come with me.. argh.. can't believe it.. i've got low blood count , resulting in giddyness, and they still want to take my blood!! *starts whining* hopefully all will be fine and mum will stay with me till the end of my medical exam.. huh huh huh......

the week just come and go just like that! it's amazing how fast the days just fly pass us.. in 2 weeks' time or so, we're into the 4th month of the year! it's just so fast and yes, i'm starting school on 23rd April.. but orientation for me is on the 19th and 20th.. that is of course compulsory cause timetable and other school matters will be given out during the 2 days of orientation.. hopefully i dun have to report to school from monday to fridae.. haha... ok, it's just an excuse for me to just being.. pure lazy.. haha.. the past week wasn't as busy as i expected it to be.. as for this coming week, it's the week where i settle my poly enrolment matters.. will be having a medical exam this week(hopefully on tues, if i can make an appointment that day...) and i'm quite scared.. cause i've never ever done a medical exam before so this is my first.. and also partly cause, my holiday is slowly coming to a close and i'm so scared to being back in school where the environment is new, the friends are new.. almost everything is new but i know i'll manage to adapt back to life and i'll have fun with my new friends.. oh and i just realised i've been rather clingy to my family members especially to my mum.. mayb it's because after that incident, i've discovered and realised how precious and unpredictable life is and i've learnt to cherish those around me especially my family members.. so mayb that's the reason why i'm rather clingy.. owells.. it just takes time and i think if i can't get used to poly life, this could just be one of the reasons, could it??

omg!! saw a news online abt shaowei and xiezhi.. haha.. the producers of a show was supposedly choosing a male lead for a new taiwan idol drama.. they originally started with zhu xiao tian followed by shaowei! and then xiezhi! but unfortunately, here comes along ah du who "stole" the role from xiezhi if not, i think xiezhi would have ended up with the role.. haha.. but afterall, zhu xiao tian still sort of lost to 56 bah?? haha... owells...
this may be my fault but i dun feel that i'm in the wrong to pursue my own happiness...

yo! it's the march hols again although it makes not much of a diff to me since i'm still on vacation for another mth or so.. haha.. once again, i'm slacking at home but not alone, with my sis of course (but she's got work to do...) this week seems to be a busy week for my mum and my sis.. mum's out tmr, angel's out on wed, we're all home on thurs with little gabi and out to make passport on fri.. as for me, i may be gg out on wed.. but that will have to depend on hui yee and tracy.. owells.. if i'm gonna go shopping for a few clothings, my pocket will be burnt for sure.. and adding on to that, i just got myself a new pair of shoes.. gosh, will the amount in my bank account decrease again like nobody's business?? it wun if i control my finance... was thinking about some things last nite.. isn't life funny? we may be close to a friend but when it's time for parting, we seem to drift further awae when the friendship between others can yet remain close or even closer than before.. sometimes, i can yes understand that life is now different for all of us, but would that just mean that we'll lose contact with each other? mayb for some, we'll still hang out with each other and stuff but wad about others? wad about the promises we made to each other about being friends forever and not 4getting each other? sometimes i just feel it's all a pretence.. from me and from you.. a mere pretence that can be forgotten when we part.. if you're busy, i can understand.. but if you're not, and you're just ignoring my messages and avoiding me, then i guess you may be a true friend to others but not to me.. den mayb, our friendship wun last long cause you sometimes make me feel like i'm a substitute for others.. when your frens are busy and have no time to listen to you, you call and expect me to put aside wadeva i'm doing and listen to you.. yet when i call and hoping to get a listening ear, you seem to be busy with other things that are may be least important.. is that wad our friendship is worth? if you think our friendship is not worth a single thing and is worthless and useless, den i guess mayb this is just simply the end to our friendship..
P.S: this post is not referring to anyone and is just simply a small reflection on some of my frens whom i've seemed to have lost contact with..

back to work for 2 days.. today was the 1st day.. luckily got company otherwise i doubt i'll still be back working.. haha... feeling tired liao.. mayb i've not adjusted back yet to waking up early in the morning but i think i'll get used to it soon since i'll be back to school in a month's time.. thank goodness tmr's the last day den i wun have to go back in again.. not that i dun like the job but there's no company there so like yah.. and cause i've got company, although time seems to pass slowly, yet i'm not lonely.. thanks girl, you know who you are.. thx for the company and laughing you've gave me to kill the boring workload.. you're a gr8 help in making my day less boring.. haha.. anywae, i'll update sometime again.. my eyes are really drain out.. haha.. hopefully i can finish up my work and knock off early tmr like today.. :)

i've finished watching my vcd that i happily bought last week.. and i have to say i'm quite happy with the ending although i sort of expected how the story would end as in storyline wise and not who end up with who.. so yah.. but i've got smth bad to say.. i'm suffering from post-shaowei symptoms.. haha.. it's quite bad as compared to AQMFS.. haha.. but it's just because he's too shuai.. can't help it! the shaowei-craze came back lor.. haha.. and i just found out that my mum's fren's daughter is working for the magazine company, teenage.. so i was just thinking to myself, how nice if me and tracy can see 56 thru her.. although it wun be fair to others and again, i'm not very close to her so like yah... haha.. owells.. i'm just hoping to see shaowei and xiezhi asap.. haha.. and the post-shaowei symptoms will last for a few days i guess.. haha.. owells.. anywae, posting results will be out on tues.. hopefully i get to be accepted with li ting in the same course.. den at least in a wae or another, i've got company.. haha...

right, here's another post.. decided to blog despite being tired from a day of excitement to me..
headed out in the morning with mum and cousin, gabi, but i went to the bank to run some errands before meeting mum at bedok interchange.. went to buono vista, MOE, for my home econs teaching scheme interview.. was quite nervous and i think i sort of just screwed it up with my answers although tracy din think so.. well, hope everything goes well... will still have to make a final choice next week when i get my JAE posting and my interview results.. hopefully i'll make the right choice with His guidance.. after that, went to orchard to collect grandpa's medicine and fixed his watch although it was a wasted trip to seiko.. mum decided to get grandpa a new watch with contributions from her 4 daughters as a birthday gift for grandpa.. after that, we headed down to taka for lunch and did a bit of window shopping and buying since there was the post-CNY sale at S&K... so i joyfully and happily got myself a pair of jeans, a skirt and a shirt.. got angel a nice blouse which i tot was indeed quite nice and very angel(if you know wad i mean).. haha.. made mum spent a bomb today i guess! lunch was on her plus the clothings.. so obviously she spent close to a hundred today.. heehee.. after that, we came back home.. was rather tired after my shower so watched my vcd after talking to tracy.. was a bit "grouchy" with the phone calls and me having to answer them esp. when i'm so dead tired.. but i shan't blame the callers.. haha.. owells.. guess that's about it for today.. will blog again some other time.. haha... i truly enjoyed myself today cause it was a day with my dear mummy!! (and i hardly get to go out with her alone...) haha..

did some changes to my blog.. hopefully you who are reading this like it.. i tot it was rather plain and simple.. quite nice.. haha.. owells.. just realised that it takes time to ease a pain inflicted in your heart.. each time i enter my parents' room or walk past the altar in my house, memories float back.. the last few sentences that were exchanged on the phone.. the smiles and laughter i will miss forever.. i guess it really takes time and sometimes, i just hate myself for not being able to let go totally and completely and still dwell on the past.. i think some of you must be wondering why i'm such a nuisance, why i'm still dwelling on the past and why i am still mentioning these things on my blog but i just feel that i need a place to write it down, for friends to offer some words and stuff dat kind of thing.. and i believe that you as my friend, as you're reading this, i think you'll try to help me get past this 1st year without her around.. it's not easy.. imagine last year at this time, still here with us.. and now, no longer around.. you may be irritated with me for writing such stuff every now and den but i truly hope you will understand.. if you've never experience wad i'm experiencing, it's hard for you to understand.. but to all who have yet to experience yet can understand how i'm feeling, thanks for your kind understanding.. you've been great and i really appreciate your support for me.. willing to listen to wadeva i have to sae.. thanks! if i find it hard to adapt, they're finding it harder i guess.. but i know i've great frens like you, to help me out and talk to me.. thanks for all that!!
p.s today's the 22nd again.. 2 mths since she left us all... and i miss her lots..

here's a late night post.. haha.. things been rather tired for me this past week.. was working at a neighbourhood school doing sorting out of mcs and filing.. basically, it was more or less admin work but i just din touch the computer.. -.- my mum's fren, whose the vice-principal there, asked me to go in and continue working for abt a week or so and complete another 2 boxes of mcs.. in total, there were 3 boxes and i completed one box in 3 and a half days which wasn't an easy job.. just the sorting out took abt 2 and a half days.. currently considering if i should continue doing for another week or so and earn more money but have told my mum at the moment that i dun want to continue.. mayb it was because of my mum that's why i took up the job.. so guess will have to reconsider my decision since i doubt my mum will be there.. but i have to sae, my temp colleagues were quite nice and friendly so i quite enjoyed the atmosphere and the feeling of working there. haha. anywae, tmr's CNY's eve! will be going down to the grandparents' place for reunion dinner.. hopefully i get to watch my ch u cause got 56!! haha.. a bit too realistic.. CNY this year will never be the same from now on as before.. certain things have changed cause certain ppl whom we want them to be present is no longer around.. so i guess this year, most of the time will be spent at home other than visiting at my grandparents' place and one or two close relatives.. otherwise, i'll be at home.. if you wanna come visiting, do give me a call.. and it'll only be on tuesdae.. haha.. guess there'll still be visiting the 1st 2 days but not that many.. i guess those who read my blog will know why CNY will never be the same for me and my family.. ok... i shall cut the sad moments and end off my post.. haha.. till some time later.. bye bye..
P.S: i nv mention my o level results cause i think it's not worth mentioning when my other frens did better than me and deserve more praises than me.. and i dun wish to have comparisons and comments made about my results..

my stupid computer's lagging again.. all thx to my sister who installed some stupid programme, making the computer lagging.. argh.. anywae, as i was reading somebody else's blog, i also had wished the same thing as he wished before.. i had wished that everything that happened during late dec was all but a nightmare.. i had even dreamt that wad was told to me wasn't true but a nightmare.. but i guess i had already faced reality.. it is all reality but not a nightmare.. nothing beats more painful than losing a loved one.. that, i guess, would also mean that the pain of a break-up or a rejection is nothing as compared to facing a loved one being lifeless.. but i know all this is just a parcel of life.. and i'm still getting used to such a life especially when it comes to sunday(even though i dun show it on my face).. i was helping my mum tape some containers just now and i suddenly thought of how different my life is now and in the past.. i guess it makes not much of a difference to others, but it does make a difference to my family, even if it's not a big difference.. well, but life continues for this is reality.. i mean, we can't continue to deceive ourselves and live in a world of lies so i guess we all have to awake and return to reality.. well, that is it for me.. owells, although this nightmare has sort of ended, but our lives have all been changed by this nightmare but she'll continue to live in our hearts..

* i dun wish for 9th feb to come at all..

gonna blog about today!! haha.. went out with tracy to watch movie today.. went to plaza sing and me, being the road idiot, obviously got lost.. haha.. of course, i called for help and thus, got to plaza sing safely.. haha.. so we went to catch the movie, Happy Birthday.. personally found it quite nice.. touching that the male and female lead loved each other, yet never were together as a couple.. both knew their feelings for each other.. but i found the ending quite sad.. if you haven't watch, den go watch.. but if you dun intend to watch yet wanna know the ending, den ask me.. haha.. i'll be glad to tell you.. haha... so we went window shopping and as we were leaving, we saw 2MORO!! haha.. tracy just pulled my bag from the back and i asked her wad was it, then she told me to look and we saw them.. actually they quite good-looking.. not bad but i still like my dear.. haha.. so yes, tracy, i've blogged about it and this is COPYRIGHTED!! DUN COPY AND PASTE ON YOUR BLOG, OK!!!! haha..

haiz.. zhi's sick again.. down with the flu.. not sure if it's recently or a while ago but just found out.. although it's not very obvious but still, i hope he knows that health matters more sia especially now that he's even more busy with work since mr boss is not around at the moment i guess.. and i think other than being busy with grp stuff, he's being promoted to xuan chuan zong jian.. but not surprising lah since he's been giving speeches at j-star events.. haha.. i think tracy will know who i talking about, rite tracy?? haha.. owells, hope he get well soon and dun come down with a fever ok, "lao gong"... haha.. TRACY, i'm still "sun tai" hor.. haha.. anywae, i've decided to stop bothering and stay away from him as much as i can so as to avoid trouble from him and her.. so that's bout it..

p.s is 'o' level results really coming out on the 9th feb??

i like the lyrics of fan fan's song, 到不了, so i decided to post the lyrics here:

你眼睛会笑 弯成一条桥
终点却是我 永远到不了
感觉你来到 是风的呼啸
思念像苦药 竟如此难熬 每分每秒
我找不到 我到不了
你所谓的 将来的美好
我什麽都不要 知不知道 若你懂我 这一秒
我想看到 我在寻找
那所谓的 爱情的美好
我紧紧的依靠 紧谨守牢
不敢漏掉 一丝一毫 愿你看到

do a short update first.. was watching wan yu yesterdae and saw lele's picture.. she is just sooooo cute!! chubby chubby one.. very cute.. well, his family photo was shown on tv and i have to sae the photos were very very very nice!! and qin was just so pretty, fu just so shuai and lele, just so cute!! haha.. very happy for them.. can sense that fu is really indeed very happy and he's grown up, that's most important.. pics can be seen on j-star website and i saw dear!! so shuai lah he... guess there'll be quite a bit of their news every now and den especially now that love miracle 3 - rock rules will be released soon so yah.. yeah!! anywae, saw him on sundae in church but i din talk to him or approach him.. just felt it would be awkward if he asked me abt my previous post but i think you(you know who you are, i hope...) and i will know how to settle this problem if we ever talk abt it.. and i'm really hoping you really know who i'm talking about.. if my fren can tell who i'm talking about, i hope you know too..

if i can, i wish i never knew you.. i wish we were never friends.. cause sometimes, u just hurt my feelings without unknowingly.. sometimes, u just seem ignorant about those around you.. you never say hi to me on normal days when we meet.. yet you come asking me if i was angry with you that incident which i think you never did remember.. i wish you would bother about my feelings and be of a nuisance to me.. i wish you would say hi to me online and how was my dae.. i wish you would talk to me more often.. all these and the many more wishes from me about you.. but one thing i know for sure.. you will never disappear from my life now.. you will only treat me as a friend, as a sister and not the way i want to be treated.. and you will never bother about me.. if you're reading this, i hope you know who you are.. i sometimes had enough of me being crazy over you cause it's impossible between us.. sometimes, the feeling just die awae but each time i see you, the feeling comes back a little.. if you din show me any concern during that period, mayb i wun discover my feelings for you have come back.. you will never knew that i broke down when i learnt about the two of you together.. you never knew how awkward i felt that time during the performance at your school with you two acting a little lovey-dovey yet you asked if i was ok.. but could i sae" no, i'm not ok.."?? if only i din know you, mayb all this will never have happened.. yet, i know this is all too late cause we're frens and i guess, we'll foreva be frens.. and no more than frens..

currently downloading some game so tot would do a little blogging.. life's been all slightly better for all of us but there's still some crying now and den by mum.. but everything's more or less fine.. had catechists' AGM yesterdae.. started crying when a tribute was paid to my aunt.. and i'm not the only one.. my sisters also cried but i wasn't sure about those who knew my aunt.. was slightly better after that but was still a little bit emotional.. mama chris told the P2 catechists that although my aunt is no longer around with them, but they've got me, her niece.. and of course, whether or not my aunt is still around todae, i wun disgrace her.. so yah, that was yesterdae.. throughout the week, did quite a number of things.. went back to school to see C.O and teachers (and i did see some of them..) and turned down a job offer due to lack of confidence of not being able to like the job... so i'm still currently waiting for results and slacking awae at home.. but to others, they can't seem to understand why i'm slacking at home.. it's the past experience at XXX company.. i dun wanna repeat my mistake that's why i'm slacking at home but they nv seem to be able to understand.. mayb even my parents included.. owells.. ok, i've got to go now.. will do another update when i have the mood to do so.. haha..

As i passed by KC this afternoon, i realised how much i miss KC.. the school, the teachers and the friends made there(although i still keep in touch with them..) hopefully i get to go back to see teachers asap...

resolutions for 2007, current feelings

It's the new year!! sorry for late wishes but hey people!! HAPPY 2007!! feeling slightly better but still, at the sight of my cousin missing my aunt and my uncle, the memories all return.. at the point of telling people how they are doing, the memories also all return.. like wad i mentioned in my previous post, it's hard to let go and stay strong, but dun worry, i'll try my best to let go bit by bit and to stay strong and let me life continue for i know that my aunt wun want our lives to stop just because she is no longer around but it all takes time.. [and i know with the support of frens, i will stay strong.. ] anywae my resolutions for this year is try to lose a little weight and cherish my loved ones around me.. i dun wish to regret it when it is too late for we are unable to predict wad will happen in the future for life is so unpredictable.. of course, listen to my parents.. and most importantly, hopefully to be able to get good grades for 'O' levels and work real hard in poly.. anywae, 'O' level results shld be released in feb after CNY!!

life still continues... we all know we must continue living our lives but it's so hard to stay strong and to let go.. i feel sad.. not for myself but for my cousin and my uncle.. just feel sad for them and it's a feeling that seems so hard to explain.. but no matter wad, we will all try to stay strong and give them support and continue living our lives even as our lives are no longer the same as before..

just realised that the 2 people i dun fancy seeing is teaching the same level as me.. before knowing this, i was just trying to convince myself that even though my aunt is no longer around, i still can attend catechism meetings without her, and attend it alone.. but now that i know the 2 people i dun fancy seeing is teaching the same level as me, it would only mean that i would see them during catechism meetings.. and this has made me lose the strength to attend catechism meetings on my own.. it's just that i have to attend meetings on my own now and my aunt is no more around to take care of me, to explain to me some things after meetings if i dun understand and to send me home after meetings.. it's just me alone.. and i'm finding it so difficult to face some people now especially people who doesn't know about my aunt and i'm not close to.. but i tink it all takes time.. just a matter of time..

i will never forget the day i posted my previous post.. 22nd dec.. i actually didn't want to blog about this but i realised that if i dun, i may just break down.. i lost my aunt that evening.. the aunt that my family was very close to.. the aunt that i was looking forward to going for catechist meetings with.. the aunt who looked after me abt a week ago when my family went to malaysia.. i lost her that evening.. and it'll be forever.. i missed her lots.. the last time i saw her was during the 2nd sunday of advent.. and that was it.. i will never see her again or hear her voice again.. but she will alwaes be in my heart.. broke down totally today but i had cousins with me to keep me company and console me.. if it wasn't for them, i wouldn't know wad i'll do..

i would like to thank all my frens who offered their condolences to me especially these people:
1. thanks TRACY for listening to me feeling upset and helping to update me with wan yu and shao nian.. thx lotsa..
2. thx to my dear GODMA for being there for me when i cried at her place on sundae morning and today again in church..
3. thx to CLARE who helped to comfort and console me in church on christmas dae when i cried at the tot of not being able to spend christmas with my auntie anymore..
and lastly,
4. thx to MICHAEL.. u've been a great fren and a great godbro the last few daes.. really appreciate it lots.. P.S i've read ur blog.. really thx... if u and ur family wasn't there for me and my family, i wun know wad to do..

really grateful to all others who helped me in a way or another.. will try to stay strong..

i read my fren's tagboard just now and.. i realised how a person could have grown up over the years.. (not saying 56 but frens...) this fren i've known since young and he's rather introvert?? and very studious.. so when i knew he was in a relationship i was actually quite shocked but a few mths back i found out another news frm another fren.. and i'm glad he's taking things easy as in looking a bit on the bright side..

wad surprises me is that although we're in the 21st century and wadnot, there are ppl who can't take breakups easily and freely even if it's a one-year together thing.. and usually the gals will make a big hoo-ha over it but in my fren's case, it was a rather mutual break up i guess according to wad i heard and wad i saw on his blog.. and yes, although it may be a little torturing but at least u come face to face with reality.. and that's a good thing.. ok, i tink i'm talking a bit of sense but nevertheless, i hope he wun be too sad and enjoy and get over the pain of losing her during this christmas season cause there are still ppl who care about him and want him to be happy so nvm if he doesn't see this post but it's the tot that counts..

christmas is less than a week.. gosh.. get to open the many presents received again although every year, the amount of presents received seems to be lesser... :S but nevertheless... it's christmas and i get to wear my grad dress again!! haha... supposed to go shopping with tracy todae at vivo but the rain spoilt my mood yesterdae so decided not to go out but today was oh so bright and sunny but instead of going to vivo with tracy, i went to TM on my own to get some christmas presents and i've gotten almost everyone's one.. well.. except for one or two more presents but nevertheless, better than nth.. just need to do the wrapping tonite and tmr when my sis comes back with the christmas wrappers..

last weekend was ok except a little lonely due to the fact that my parents and sisters went to KL and i din go so was left alone home.. wasn't quite exactly used to it but was ok.. so yah and of course, they bought things back for me.. so sweet of them though!! haha.. owells.. my house and room is newly painted.. the living room doesn't seem much of a diff to me but the rooms have all got new colours.. parents' room is light blue, mine is lime green and sisters' room is dark blue.. so yah.. seems to blend into the colour of longvale's buildings.. haha.. owells.. christmas party's on the 26th and having some frens over.. hopefully we'll all have a great time..

I WANT THE 2007 J-STAR CALENDAR!!! it's quite nice leh... hopefully i can get it end of this year in sg... and i'm starting to miss zhi and fu.. didn't go and send them off at the airport todae.. owells... sad sad.. i'm getting sick and tired and fed up with my work life...

things never seem to go smoothly for me ever since 26th nov... wadeva that happened, it was all past.. i'm really really tired.. mayb not physically but mentally... after 'o' levels ended, i never seemed to have gotten a good rest as in stay at home and chill out... instead, although i did stay at home, but i was kept busying worrying abt my graduation dress and when i can start work.. but now that i've been offered a job, i dun feel like working and i really mean it.. mayb i didn't notice how exhausted i was mentally when these job offers came knocking on my door.. but now i know.. I JUST DUN FEEL LIKE WORKING AT ALL... just wanna stay home and chill out.. watch my tv, listen to music, read my book, do some occasionally exercise and also occasionally catching up with frens.. but i see everyone so enthusiastic abt their new chapter of their life after o levels.. as for job wise, i'll really turn down all job offer and stay at home and chill out and get recharged and see if i still wanna get a job in jan if it isn't too late... if not, i guess i'll just stay home.. but now, all job offers will have to sae gd-bye to me.. afterall, i'm not in the urgent need of money so i think it's ok.. but the problem only lies with my family members esp. my mum...owells.. no matter wad, life still goes on... and i can only live my day as it passes...

i will not stop worrying till wednesdae evening.. just feel so insecure and hopefully i dun receive any letter from the lawyer of XXX company.... just want wednesdae to faster come and go so that i can set my mind and heart at ease....

just had a nagging frm the parents.. abt my job.. here it goes again: told my boss that i wanted todae as my last dae instead of wednesdae.. and i am willing to compensate them if necessary.. so my boss said ok, next week i dun have to go in.. [partly because i'm not willing to work...]. den my dad said one whole load of crap that i din understand.. and they dun seem to get the pt that i was the one who proposed to the company that i wanted to end my work todae.. and dat i am willing to compensate them.. so i dun see why they must nag and lecture over such stuff.. haiz.. long story lah.. wadeva it is, if it is necessary, i WILL compensate the company with my own money.. so yah.. at the most, i'll just sacrifice my good food and things that i wanna buy that's all.. feeling so stressed up again...

anywae, better blog this lest i 4get..
zhi and fu's flight:
arrival departure
sun, 10 dec mon, 11 dec
12 noon 1.10p.m
BR225 BR226
P.S: TRACY!! 56'S FLIGHT EVERYTHING ON MY BLOG.. DUN SAE I NV TELL YOU!! haha...

short update: i quit my job after working there for 1 day.. just didn't like the job and mayb realised that admin isn't a suitable job for me.. haha.. so i tendered my resignation letter on 2nd day and today, i asked if instead of working till wednesdae, can i compensate the company then.. and in return, my HR said that i could leave and dun go back next week since i didn't want to do it.. so i said ok.. so todae was my last dae but i've got one problem.. my mum thinks that i'm working till wednesdae so from mon to wed next week, whr can i go in the morning?? told my auntie about it so i think chances are i'm going over to her place and will be there till.... evening 5 plus?? den at the most, when i get home and if my mum ask why i so early, den i'll just say cause i finish my work early.. lame excuse but wadeva.. and i just sent an apology letter to my HR.. thank goodness they didn't sae anything about sueing me cause i didn't want to work till wednesdae but i still did my job of doing data entry for them and did a neat work, k.. and yes, i'm sorry for leaving early but wad can i do since i've got no interest?? owells.. anywae, XIEZHI AND RENFU COMING TO S'PORE NEXT WEEK!!!! YEAH!! FOR STAR AWARDS.. DAMN HAPPY.. FINALLY GET TO SEE THE TWO OF THEM AGAIN ESPECIALLY ZHI.. tracy wants to ying jie them but because they come on sun, i can't go so i'll most likely send them off with tracy bah?? who knows.. afterall, i'm officially jobless again and to my family members, i'm officially jobless on thurs.. owells..

things have been rather down for me the last 2, 3 daes.. started on sundae.. owells, shan't go into detail.. see no point in letting those whom i dun wanna know know about such things.. mayb a few of my frens have known wad i'm talking about, but if u dun't.. it's ok.. anywae, graduation lunch was yesterdae.. hmm.. was quite ok lah.. not too bad.. took quite a lot of photos but may not consider a lot as compared to others.. owells.. it's just sad that 4 years have come and go in a wink.. many friendships have been made but whether or not, these friendships will ever last, no one knows but i know out of all the friendships i've made, the friendship i have with another 56 fan will last.. (i hope u know who u are... haha.. ) i expected myself and many others to cry yesterdae but hey, the atmosphere wasn't touchin enough so, yup, no tears came from me.. haha.. many things may not have gone our way thru out this 4 years and we all may had our share of fights and smiles but one thing for sure is, we all had wonderful and beautiful memories in KC.. so even as we leave KC, stepping one last time into the school when we receive our results next year, these memories will be with us till the end of time.. ok.. getting a bit emotional here.. dunno why also but been feeling rather blue so mayb that's one of the reasons..

anywae, i've found a job and i am starting work tmr!! yipee!! after so long.. haha.. working somewhr near singapore expo so will have to take the train to work.. although i'm looking forward to it, but afterall, it's a new environment for me so no doubt, i'll be a little scared and nervous.. owells.. but overall, life's been ok for me despite the ups and downs.. haha.. till my next post, see ya..
P.S i'll try to live my life happy each dae.. i promise i'll try..

i'm "happy" to know that i'm out of job again... how great.. i'm not blaming anyone or the agency but.. haiz.. i woke up happily yesterdae morning to know that i've got another job offer.. but then, i called the agency up just now, to only know that the (stupid) company doesn't want me cause i can't start work on mondae.. all thanks to the stupid graduation lunch!! now, i've to spend another at least 1 week waiting for another job offer.. how nice.. argh!! can someone pls tell me wad am i going to do while waiting for a job?? i can't possibly go out everydae but neither can i stay at home everydae.. this is so sickening.. rather upset now but.. just hoping that i'll get a job soon otherwise, i'm sure to die of boredem by the end of this month... shld have gotten my AQMFS DVD den at least gt show to watch.. -.- owells.. and tracy wants me to blog about this.. rmb the other dae i blogged abt gg to bugis? well, at bugis, tracy lost her wallet at bugis macs and thank goodness, we found it.. haha.. TRACY, HAPPY?? haha.. oh, and renfu's back on wan yu.. :)

yo!! haha.. firstly, congrats to fu for having a chubby baby girl!! he got his wish.. haha.. he and qin will be good parents, for sure.. haha.. anywae, purpose of blogging is not this.. haha... went out with tracy and hui yee todae after sch.. met hui yee at bugis with tracy after tampines.. den we shopped and walked till close to 5 den left bugis after gg to bugis village and somewhr near purvis street.. supposed to go for interview but decided not to after seeing the number of people waiting to be interviewed so we left after walking for so long and almost losing our wae.. den on our way to the building whr the interview was held(which by the way, was some sort rather ulu..), we passed this sort of construction site and the 3 of us were walking when we heard 2 cats fighting inside.. thinking that the cats would run out of some hole that actually couldn't be found, me, tracy and hui yee just started screaming and ran on the side of the road.. haha.. but hey, luckily we weren't in sch uniform lor.. haha... but our main purpose was to shop for our graduation lunch clothes.. and when is our grad lunch?? next mon.. -.- owells.. anywae, my letter got read out on yes 933 and is the first letter somemore!! so happy.. jia hui played 56's song although i really wanted 183's song.. but nevertheless, it's dear's song.. so yah.. haha.. owells.. ok, enough of my crappiness.. haha..

wanted to type in chinese but 4get it.. i dun have the chinese programme.. haha.. owells.. gg out this week.. basically it's tues and either thurs or fri.. go k box.. haha.. anxiously wanting to know if qin give birth alr.. and whether renfu has officially become a dad yet.. haha.. owells.. will have to watch wan yu tmr den will know.. short post.. haha..

watched wan yu last nite as usual but was especially happy.. renfu finally faced the media abt him, ji qin and their little baby.. after all those mths of speculation by the media and fans, he really stood out yesterdae to address this matter.. yes, he shared his feelings abt it and he's excited abt being a dad and of course, he did apologise to the media.. not because he hid the truth from them but because as a public figure not only in taiwan but also overseas, he actually had pre-marital sex which was WRONG!! so yah.. of course, i think with rgds to this matter, i believe 56 and j-star knew about this and they also helped renfu to cover up.. renfu did mention that if it was necessary, he would leave 56, to ease the tension btw them and the media.. well, i guess that even if he wants to leave, zhi and the other members wun let him leave.. afterall, 56 now is 4 ppl.. if he leave, shaowei's busy with 183, 56 will only be left with... 2 members.. so i dun think this is the end of 56.. there'll be more to come.. 56 and the other xiao shi di mei men of j-star also offered their blessings not only to the xiao baby, but also to fu and ji qin.. hopefully they get married some time next year.. wish them all the best.. haha.. owells.. i think when the time comes, fu and ji qin will get married but whether or not, there'll be exclusive shots of the birth of their baby and their wedding, i'm not too sure.. of course i'm hoping but one thing i know is fu will invite sun zong and 56 to his wedding.. haha.. can't wait to share in his and ji qin's hoy in being promoted to becoming parents.. i think tracy dun have to worry about them now bah.. haha...

i'm in a freaking bad mood now.. or rather i'm rather moody.. i lost my calculator.. my calculator that's been with me for close to 4 years!! oh man.. frens sae it's not in school or they didn't take it.. i can't find it at home.. den whr can it be?? haiz.. how nice!! i can't do my maths now.. :( owells.. went shopping todae for my items.. was back at home within an hr.. got my bag!! finally.. after all those mths since august abt wanting to get a big bag for poly next year and for catechism.. and of course, a big bag that can put my things in when i work part time.. haha.. and gotten some other stuff as well.. it's my last week of the o levels!! gonna fight it out and study real hard.. for all u know, this may be the last time i'm studying till next year.. haha.. papers went rather smoothly.. at least for all though.. shan't go into detail but i've gt confidence of getting at least an A now!! haha.. ask me and i'll tell u the subject.. haha.. went for a job interview last tuesdae at Recruit Express.. applied for general admin and bank admin.. quite interested in bank admin and is waiting for a reply from them.. as for the general admin, got a reply alr.. but can only start work in dec whereas the bank admin can start work next fridae if everything goes smoothly.. so will call them up on mondae b4 giving a reply to the general admin.. just for ur info, the bank admin one is either at Raffles Place or Lavender!! haha.. so yah, hopefully i get the bank admin job.. owells.. i'm missing my calculator.. nth seems rite without it..

my pissed level is relatively high now.. all thanks to ming dao.. like shit him lah!! went to the j-star forum to check some things out and ha, i saw this forum about him entering shao nian as one of the permanent host like mayi.. and he may be taking over renfu's place because of some problems.. like helloz?? shao nian was produced because of 56 and now, here comes ming dao 'intruding' the host grp.. he's wad? wanna take over 56's place issit? or wanna be j-star's yi ge? da shi xiong? i eamn he's so damn irritating lah.. if i ever see him in person, i'll tell him that he stands no chance in taking over xiezhi, renfu and shaowei's place as da shi xiong, er shi xiong and san shi xiong in j-star.. he stands no chance!! so wad if 183 is more popular than 56 in china?? i dun think that gives him a reason to be so proud and arrogant lah.. i just can't stand him.. if it wasn't for shaowei, i wun even bother to listen to 183 songs.. 56 fans watch shao nian because we wanna see 56.. shao nian is the only show that allows us to see 56 often on tv.. and now, here comes ming dao who may take over renfu's place in the show and may kick fu out of the hosting grp and wad happens after that? we wanna watch the 4 of them.. all 56 members.. it seems 56's fans are rather angry over this.. i have no idea wad to say but if that bastard does enter the hosting grp permanently, chances of me watching will cut down alot.. because the hosting grp is not complete.. hopefully none of this is true.. and and and and!!! zhi got injured while filming his show in china.. :( although he is now back in taiwan, i still hope he recovers soon.. i just wanna know he's fine and i'll be glad.. really...

decided to do some blogging or rather some reflections over the past 2 weeks of my life.. it seems people are blogging lesser mayb except for some frens of mine.. owells.. afterall this is the exam period for some.. or rather, not for the sec 4s yet.. lesser people are turning up for school nowadaes.. every one seems to be skipping school just to study at home.. and everyday, people ask me" marianne, are you coming tmr??" and my reply is " yes".. reason? simple, my mum wun let me skip school even if my dad allows.. you see.. the problem simply lies with my parents and then frens will start asking me why i nv ever ask.. because i know wad their answer will be.. a very sraight-forward NO.. so why do i ever bother asking when i even know the answer already? but then again, mayb it's a good thing to be present for lessons although nt much of teaching comes about these daes in school.. well, at least questions can be asked on the spot and work can be done rather than i stay at home and know that i'm not going to get anything done at all.. at least the teachers in school make me get some work done.. and also, teachers may even offer help and suggestions on how to study smart.. so yah, mayb it's not a bad thing on going to school even if my frens are not around.. at least i can concentrate better and focus better?? but i know i'm just lying to myself..
my sis asked me about my L1R5 for my prelims this afternoon when i came back from tuition.. well, my aggregate can actually get me in innova jc but i dun intend to go to jc or try out the first 3 mths.. mum and sisters are trying to persuade me to go but i've got no interest.. i really need a break from all that studying over the last conscutive months and so wad if there wun be any lessons for the first 3 mths in jc?? i'm not going to try out and dun ever try to change my mentality of going to jc?? cause i really dun want to.. figured out the purpose.. make me change my decision on going to poly.. instead go to jc, den to uni den to NIE.. how i wish i can just tell them to get off my back and stop irritating me especially these few daes when at the sight of them just makes me feel irritated.. purely due to stress i guess??
sometimes it makes me wonder.. are they so ashamed of me going to poly? even frens are asking me if i'm serious about gg to poly and some even are shocked when i told them i'm not gg to jc.. i mean why the surprise?? i've had enough of the stress from consecutive studying over the past years and i really need a break and i think i'll suit poly life.. afterall, i dun mind getting a lower pay at NIE and even after i'm a qualified teacher.. that is if i dun get a distinction for my english.. if i do, i'll do mass comm and fulfil another dream of mine - to become a chinese deejay and get to interview overseas artistes.. but that is if i do get a distinction for english.. in conclusion, i'm really tired.. mentally drained and my brain's working very slow.. slower than during prelims and i'm scared.. real scared but who is actually really there for me? to hear me talk? to hear me pour my sorrows.. no one.. not even my family members cause they'll only think it's stupid and they only bother about my dear younger sis and i hate it.. i mean it..
i've lost my sense of direction in life.. i've lost sight of my goal.. just wad am i living for?? i really dunno..

firstly!! i'm so glad my hard work did pay off for prelims.. got back a few papers todae.. not the full paper bt like paper 1 and my chem practical.. i can only sae.. i'm more or less rather happy with my results so far.. not too sure abt the overall marks but i'm glad that i'm scoring and getting marks that i've alwaes wanted to see esp. my e maths.. real happy!! it's beyond words.. made great improvement from mid-yr!! i think my teacher will be proud of me.. and for all i know, mayb thru out my 4 yrs in KC, this is the 1st time i'm getting an A for e maths??!! haha.. of course, i shan't be too happy.. results may just turn the tables on me the next few daes during the coming week.. but all in all, i'm really very happy abt my results so far!! i'm motivated to do better for 'O' levels!! haha.. oh, and mrs chua was happy that i pass my a maths paper 1!! haha.. WELL DONE!! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK BUT DUN BE TOO HAPPY YET!! :)

to give up or not??

spent the last few nites thinking abt my studies after the talk i had with mum on wed.. i'm really tired.. mentally tired.. i've had plans of giving up now on my studies.. just let go.. yes, people will think i'm being stupid or smth but you can nv understand the stress and pressure i'm going through.. even frens who are very close to me.. mayb even tracy can't understand.. give an example.. i'm stranded in the middle of the sea, holding onto a wooden plank, floating to shore.. but the journey back to shore is tiring.. if i can let go and give up on the thought of floating back to land, i'll give up and let go of that plank.. that's what i'm feeling now.. just let go of my studies and give up.. but can i?? many will advise me to continue to hold on for the next 2 months or so.. but do i have the determination and strength to hold on till then?? due to stress, i've broken down at nite.. late at nite after 12 and i cry myself to sleep.. that's what studying does to me.. sacrifices.. i do want to sacrifice my tv time but the tv shows that i watch all help me to de-stress, hoping that i'll be able to absorb my work better.. i believe in that but it's not working out.. i know i should change but if i do change, will i break down eventually? or will i break down a day or two after i change my plans.. i really dunno.. another way of de-stressing would be laughing at the not-so-funny-parts of shows or crying at the most touching part and use those touching parts as an excuse to de-stress.. it's not healthy but i can't help it.. i appear carefree and smiley to those around me but i think no one ever understands wad i'm going thru now.. i need support and encouragement.. but who is willing to give me that support and encouragement?? ok, being emo and i should stop it..
smth happier(at least) to tok about.. told tracy on mon that i'm beginning to like shaowei more than xiezhi.. and she was shocked.. till now, i really dunno who i like more.. zhi or wei? but after a nite of thinking things through, i still think i like zhi.. not that i dun like wei but at the end of the day, i'll still tell tracy that i like zhi.. it always ends up this way.. the last time was li wei lian.. but now, i also think that fei lun hai the wu zun is quite cute!! haha.. but i'll still like zhi.. ok, at least this is something happier i guess?? haha..

stressed?? haha.. i dunno.. people ard me are telling me that.. but do you think i really know if i'm over-stressed or under-stressed?? let me tell you den, i really have no idea!! was just talking to a fren on the phone this evening and she was actually giving me some tips on how to prepare for 'O' levels and wadnot.. and i officially admit!! i have a short attention span.. haha.. oh wadeva.. so yah.. she offered me some tips and yah.. shall try them out? if i can find the time and i'm sure i can.. :S the construction work at my place is really bad.. i can't study peacefully.... [ignoring the fact that i sometimes turn on some music to hear.. but i believe that listening to music helps me to study better though yes, some people will disagree with me.. ] so i'll pack my bag and move to some other places to study during the day.. have made plans to go over to the library and back to school during the study break to study.. at least it's a place more quiet and mayb i can focus and concentrate better.. who knows? ok, moving on to the next subject.... when i just came online, another fren of mine asked me a question which rather shocked me.. haha.. shan't mention the question lah.. it's between me and her.. so yah.. just stop the rumours yeah whoever that started it? it's so not true.. there's nothing between me and *ahem* whom is taken alr.. i think it's quite obvious who *ahem* is alr.. so stop it, ok?? haha.. gotta chill.. owells.. :S

i wish shaowei can go back to 56

it's been weeks since i last blogged? not very long though but time seems to past very fast.. and since i'm blogging todae, guess todae's post will be rather long.. firstly, saw renfu and ji mei mei's news.. can't believe that renfu will actually do it.. bt now, he doesn't want it.. for those who know wad i'm talking(people like tracy), will know wad happen.. just can't believe it and i seriously hope he'll want it if it's true and be responsible for it.. that's wad 56 is alwaes asking fans to do rite? be responsible for our actions.. so i feel renfu should yi shen zuo ze..
secondly, celebrated my birthday in a rather pathetic wae though.. was alone at home (other than my younger sis whom i hardly tok to) yesterdae.. went TM, hoping to get my J-star mag but no.. there wasn't.. so in the end, i bought S.H.E's cd!! haha.. quite nice though although i dun quite like some of their songs but i'm not a fan of them so it's ok.. just supported them cause the songs i liked were really nice..
thirdly, i screwed my physics practical.. my readings were off and if i'm rite, were different from the readings of those in the 2nd shift.. hopefully i'll be able to pass my practical.. even if it's just a border line pass.. at least it's a pass and i'll try hard for paper 1 and paper 2..
fourthly, just visited J-star website.. i so agree!! i really wish shaowei can go back to 56 and ignore 183 club.. i agree with wad some of the fans at the forum sae.. as to wad i see, shaowei seems happier and not so stressed with 56.. he can go crazy with 56 and dun have to bother much about his image.. also, it seems 183 looks down on 56? i dunno about it but i think they(excluding shaowei) dun seem to regard 56 as their seniors.. mayb only 1 or 2.. so yah.. bt i do think shaowei really ought to focus just on 56.. he's just tiring himself out..
and lastly, A BIG THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU FOR UR BIRTHDAY WISHES!! REALLY APPRECIATE IT A LOT!! U PEOPLE ACTUALLY MADE MY DAY EVEN THOUGH MY BIRTHDAY COINCIDED WITH PHYSICS PRACTICAL!! BUT THX TO ALL OF YOU!! LOVE YOU GUYS LOTSA!! :)))
ok, i've gtg.. will have to get back to my books soon.. haiz.. owells.. prelims are coming so can't slack anymore and do i really seem that stressed to you people?? i've lost my wire for my digi cam.. how great!!

felt so lost the week when i last blogged.. that's why that "sucidal post".. bt i'm fine now.. teachers are going at a rate where i can once again get things done on time.. and it was because of that week which dragged on to this past week that i fell sick.. came down with bad sore throat on wednesdae and can you believe it? i was still in good condition on mondae nite!! owells.. but thankfully i fell sick at the rite time though.. and first time this year whr i went home during school hours.. so i missed chemistry which i admit, i wanted to miss cause it was practical and of course, the most slacking subject to me now -- chinese.. dad came to pick me up from school after my english compre test.. ms gammar was nice to let me take the test first.. went to visit the doc on thursdae bt there wasn't any school that dae so didn't have to really worry abt missing any lessons.. but was a bit blur and quiet when i went back to school on fridae.. the cough mixture that my doc gave made me drousy and i couldn't really focus.. msged hui yee the nite b4 and after asking her smth, ended up having a casual sms session.. she actually told me to come to school for the chemistry and a maths class test.. haha.. quite surprising though bt thought it wun be a good idea coming to school half wae just to take the tests and obviously, i screwed both tests.. esp. a maths.. didn't have a slight idea on how to go about doing the paper.. but i'm prepared to fail though cause i didn't really spend much time preparing for maths.. chemistry was slightly better but think i made some stupid mistakes but thankfully, chemistry is not included in the CA but this a maths class test is.. but then again, CA marks aren't counted in prelims.. so may be i shouldn't worry so much yet i can't help worrying abt the Cs and Bs appearing in my report book at the end of this term.. mum will surely nag at me and tell me to stay awae from the tv.. but helloz?? on average, i watch only abt 1 to 2 hrs of TV every day not including the hours during meal times.. so i think it's considered quite good alr lor.. and i need time to relax, ok? even my tuition teacher sae i shld stay awae from the tv.. yet the shows played are like once a week only? other than wan yu.. owells... i know it's time to mug and study for prelims yet it seems so difficult sometimes.. esp when there's the temptation to watch and play.. but i of course know my limits so i doubt i shouldn't worry? mayb with God's spirit watching over me, i'll overcome all those temptations bah? really dunno.. this blog has actually become my weekly post-age of posts.. so naturally, the posts will obviously be longer.. after so many weeks, i saw him.. again.. but the feeling's gone.. and i'm not letting him affect my life though.. for now, studies come first.. that's all that matters..

decided to do my blogging.. suddenly felt down after my shower this evening.. actually it started at the end of the day when mrs chua said that there were 2 failures for the maths test out of which 1 was from the 36 girls studying a maths(including me).. think i'm gonna fail cause i didn't know how to do the questions and i drew the wrong graph cause i didn't read instructions and i started to panic.. in all, i didn't really complete the paper.. still feeling down though.. hoping someone could and would call and tok to me.. but i dun think the person i wanna tok to will call.. so yah.. broke down and cried again this evening.. suddenly felt the stress of not being able to do homework and at the tot of scoring low for tests.. i screwed my maths test alr.. not that i wanted to.. there's so many things that i wanna sae but just can't sae.. even on my blog.. i'm just breaking down.. life's been terrible for me this year.. i'm unable to cope with the stress and wad not.. and even while typing this, i'm breaking down.. seriously, sometimes i wonder would life be better for me if i just end it now.. i'm scared.. scared i'm unable to fulfil the standards ppl want me to achieve.. scared of results and the disappointment i'll bring to myself and those around me.. would life just be better for me if i close my eyes and nv wake up again.. i apologise for all this "suicidal" notes but i'm fine.. just need to get them off my chest.. otherwise i'll fall sick bottling these depressed feelings in me.. i know i should believe in HIM but i can't.. i know he'll make my life and daes to come better but i can't.. can someone just tell me what to do.. i'm really at a loss..

basically, i'm tired.. real tired.. the weekend doesn't seem to be giving me enuf rest.. was out the whole afternoon till evening in church for my rite of sending forth and saw mark.. my sister's cathechism partner.. after that went over to mike's place to come back home with his family for dinner.. ended up reading my book and hearing him go crazy with clare.. so yah.. didn't rest until 1 a.m.. stayed up to do some reading of my mag.. den today, woke up to go to church for mass and didn't reach home until close to 6? helped out with the P3 workshop.. though it was tiring, bt i enjoyed myself.. there was one activity called trustwalk.. felt bored and decided to play along.. was quite fun and the aim of the game was to trust your child or rather for me, to trust my sister.. almost at the end, my second sister nearly made me bump right into the wall since i was blindfolded and couldn't see.. overall, it was real fun and will be helping out again next week.. bt at least i've got saturdae to rest and sleep in.. finally reach home and was watching 'The magicians of love' just now and was literally falling asleep.. was really tired.. shall get my rest tonite by sleeping early..
anywae, as i was saying i was in church this afternoon helping out with the P3 workshop and i forgot i had to wear blue top.. so in the end, i ended up gg to clare's place to borrow a shirt.. when i went back to the P3 classroom, everyone in there including my sis and mark was like ' i love boys' and they started laughing.. and i think mark asked me a question but i didn't answer him? so yah.. after that went to bedok interchange and there i got myself a new blue blouse and a pink spaghetti strap.. haiz.. wanted to get a halter but they didn't have my size so yah.. but it's ok.. haha.. owells.. will be online for a while more b4 i'm off to getting ready for tmr and to fall asleep.. haha.. next update: fridae, 28th july (if i have any thing to update abt..)

special request by caroline for me to update my pathetic, dying blog.. haha.. anywae, school's been boring for the last 3 daes.. felt it was a totally waste of time while others may be feel it's a good break from studies for 3 days.. reason? had BMW for 3 days with racial harmony day todae.. brought my maths to do in class.. result of dying of boredem from these (i felt) unnecessary events despite having it annually.. owells.. got confirmed last sundae!! like.. finally.. haha.. mum did reading and dad did holy communion.. took quite a number of pics bt i tot it was quite little still.. >.< style="font-weight: bold;">hui yee didn't cause she had 2 daes MC.. sometimes, i really wonder if such things are real or fake especially when you see that person jumping around healthily the previous dae.. not that i'm implying people are betraying my trust but yah.. owells.. there's tuition and piano for me only tmr morning.. did quite 2 maths papers but i just didn't time myself that's all.. after that, coming home if i dun intend to go to TM to see if i can get my J-star mag.. get some rest, have lunch, take a shower and i'm out of the house again to go to church for rite of sending forth and to get my certificate and photos of last sunday.. godma's coming over for dinner with uncle daniel, clare and michael.. have no idea wad i am gonna talk to them about but i think i'll manage it well.. haha.. hopefully.. anywae, gotta get going.. will try to update again when i have the time.. :p caroline!! dun say i nv update ok? my loyal blog reader.. haha..

make this a short post b4 i'm off to dreamland.. this week's been quite ok.. slowly adapting back to the streesful and sucky school life.. received my prelims timetable and i hate my physics practical.. of all daes in august, it has to be on my burfday.. 24TH AUGUST!! it just has to be on that day.. whether or not i'm in shift 1 or not, i think it will just spoil my day.. of course, i'm hoping to be in shift 1 den can get it over and done with.. prelim dates are out and a sense of fear has just descended upon me.. it's a kind of fear that is undescribeable.. and it's scary.. i'm neither feeling slack or hardworking.. i'm just neutral and that's scary cause i dunno how well i can do for prelims.. serious.. i just have to ask GOD to help me.. owells.. there's piano and tuition tmr.. managed to complete my tuition hw but not within 2 hours[given time] and i think i didn't put in my best.. mainly because i was watching the tv while doing it, secondly, i was quite drained and completed the assignment for the sake of having to complete it.. health hasn't been in tip-top condition since tuesdae? have been getting the flu almost every night.. and the stupid pimple on my nose is painful and it wun go awae.. confirmation's on sundae.. hopefully my pimple wun make it so obvious and my pics ugly.. anywae, gotta go offline now.. need to get up real early tmr for piano and tuition.. haiz.. just dun feel like gg..

friday:
went for school's EMDD with collaboration with SJI.. the performance was great.. went with mike, clarice and his fren, jonathon.. haha.. supposedly to meet clarice den go with her bt mummy made me go with michael.. so i went with him... was feeling quite bad cause promised clarice to go with her.. so anywae, we reacher SJI at ard 7.10.. and my dear god-bro still was like if we dun make it there on time, pls take off your heels and run, k? >.< bt luckily we reached there on time bt clarice was late.. so me and his fren went in first.. during the interval, we went to look for them and we went to the entrance.. sylvia tot jonathon was my boyfren.. haha.. very farnie.. saw sueann, aretha and cheryl ng!! after that we went back in and continue the show.. after the show, mike was gg to have supper with his frens so he gt clarice to send me home and i was toking to hui yee to ease the awkwardness btw me and them.. so yah.. that was yesterdae..
sat:
was at home in the afternnon b4 gg to church for mass.. got my new glasses!! didn't make much of a difference though just that my degree went higher and my frames are slightly thinner.. so yah.. tmr's my sister's graduation.. gg all the way down to NUS.. think will feel tired.. haiz.. school's starting in a day's time? back to a new week and it's alr week 3!! how time pass lah.. soon it'll be prelims.. den 'O' levels!! *gasped* gosh.. will work superb-ly hard for prelims.. hopefully my L1R5 can be as low as possible..