decided to do some blogging or rather some reflections over the past 2 weeks of my life.. it seems people are blogging lesser mayb except for some frens of mine.. owells.. afterall this is the exam period for some.. or rather, not for the sec 4s yet.. lesser people are turning up for school nowadaes.. every one seems to be skipping school just to study at home.. and everyday, people ask me" marianne, are you coming tmr??" and my reply is " yes".. reason? simple, my mum wun let me skip school even if my dad allows.. you see.. the problem simply lies with my parents and then frens will start asking me why i nv ever ask.. because i know wad their answer will be.. a very sraight-forward NO.. so why do i ever bother asking when i even know the answer already? but then again, mayb it's a good thing to be present for lessons although nt much of teaching comes about these daes in school.. well, at least questions can be asked on the spot and work can be done rather than i stay at home and know that i'm not going to get anything done at all.. at least the teachers in school make me get some work done.. and also, teachers may even offer help and suggestions on how to study smart.. so yah, mayb it's not a bad thing on going to school even if my frens are not around.. at least i can concentrate better and focus better?? but i know i'm just lying to myself..
my sis asked me about my L1R5 for my prelims this afternoon when i came back from tuition.. well, my aggregate can actually get me in innova jc but i dun intend to go to jc or try out the first 3 mths.. mum and sisters are trying to persuade me to go but i've got no interest.. i really need a break from all that studying over the last conscutive months and so wad if there wun be any lessons for the first 3 mths in jc?? i'm not going to try out and dun ever try to change my mentality of going to jc?? cause i really dun want to.. figured out the purpose.. make me change my decision on going to poly.. instead go to jc, den to uni den to NIE.. how i wish i can just tell them to get off my back and stop irritating me especially these few daes when at the sight of them just makes me feel irritated.. purely due to stress i guess??
sometimes it makes me wonder.. are they so ashamed of me going to poly? even frens are asking me if i'm serious about gg to poly and some even are shocked when i told them i'm not gg to jc.. i mean why the surprise?? i've had enough of the stress from consecutive studying over the past years and i really need a break and i think i'll suit poly life.. afterall, i dun mind getting a lower pay at NIE and even after i'm a qualified teacher.. that is if i dun get a distinction for my english.. if i do, i'll do mass comm and fulfil another dream of mine - to become a chinese deejay and get to interview overseas artistes.. but that is if i do get a distinction for english.. in conclusion, i'm really tired.. mentally drained and my brain's working very slow.. slower than during prelims and i'm scared.. real scared but who is actually really there for me? to hear me talk? to hear me pour my sorrows.. no one.. not even my family members cause they'll only think it's stupid and they only bother about my dear younger sis and i hate it.. i mean it..
i've lost my sense of direction in life.. i've lost sight of my goal.. just wad am i living for?? i really dunno..