decided to do my blogging.. suddenly felt down after my shower this evening.. actually it started at the end of the day when mrs chua said that there were 2 failures for the maths test out of which 1 was from the 36 girls studying a maths(including me).. think i'm gonna fail cause i didn't know how to do the questions and i drew the wrong graph cause i didn't read instructions and i started to panic.. in all, i didn't really complete the paper.. still feeling down though.. hoping someone could and would call and tok to me.. but i dun think the person i wanna tok to will call.. so yah.. broke down and cried again this evening.. suddenly felt the stress of not being able to do homework and at the tot of scoring low for tests.. i screwed my maths test alr.. not that i wanted to.. there's so many things that i wanna sae but just can't sae.. even on my blog.. i'm just breaking down.. life's been terrible for me this year.. i'm unable to cope with the stress and wad not.. and even while typing this, i'm breaking down.. seriously, sometimes i wonder would life be better for me if i just end it now.. i'm scared.. scared i'm unable to fulfil the standards ppl want me to achieve.. scared of results and the disappointment i'll bring to myself and those around me.. would life just be better for me if i close my eyes and nv wake up again.. i apologise for all this "suicidal" notes but i'm fine.. just need to get them off my chest.. otherwise i'll fall sick bottling these depressed feelings in me.. i know i should believe in HIM but i can't.. i know he'll make my life and daes to come better but i can't.. can someone just tell me what to do.. i'm really at a loss..