my mood hasn't been exactly that good up till now.. was rather moody this morning when i woke up for piano.. was already late.. came back home, watched 命中注定我爱你, lunched and went back to my bed.. didn't sleep of course.. was listening to song and reading past smses.. and i suddenly started tearing.. it wasn't those tears that flowed like a river.. but they were tears that flowed slowly.. i thought my problem would been solved before nicole but now, that's not the case.. was just feeling down and needed a talk.. but sadly, no one was online to talk to me.. wanted to talk to ben but nah, he wasn't online.. so i watched my videos and i am still watching.. what i couldn't believe myself was that i was tearing.. i'm so not sure of my feelings.. they're just confused.. this just so isn't marianne.. but fact is, i did tear.. because of him? i don't know.. maybe i guess.. yet i had no idea why i was tearing for him? like what i said, i can't smile yet i don't feel that sad.. someone help me... meeting hui yee for dinner.. we still can't decide on a place.. town or simpang.. honestly speaking i don't mind simpang but if i were to bump into him by coincidence, i'd have no idea how i'd react.. maybe what nicole told me was true.. maybe it's best that i don't meet him.. i'm just not myself today.. and although i'm prepared to see him tmr, i'm now hoping my gut feeling is wrong.. that he won't be there tmr.. otherwise, i think i'll break down again tmr nite.. maybe you would think i'm over-reacting and that it's a one-sided thing, yes i don't deny.. maybe i am over-reacting and it is a one-sided thing for now.. but i can't control.. as quoted by nicole, i never know what will happen today, tmr and the days to come.. maybe after his exams, he'll come back for me, wanting to be friends.. i never know but i don't wanna think too much now.. what i rather want is to know whether or not i should still hold on cause the consequence is something i may not want...

my heart is in pain...
the tears just keep flowing...
do you know exactly how i am feeling?