what a day! met up with my jie aka hui yee again! just so love the times we spend together this holiday.. we've been meeting many times this holiday and every time we meet, there's always additional news about him.. :) haha.. jie, agree? i know you will.. so went to marina square and suntec.. and this girl is always giving sales people a 'hard time'... forever leh! haha.. but i won't say she's picky.. i'd rather say she's demanding.. at least she wants the best.. i mean, who doesn't..? oh, i forgot to mention we went to gelare to eat waffles! yum.. but i couldn't finish mine.. :) haha.. and ice-cream flavours and me - don't click... ): so yah, after marina, we went to suntec.. walked cotton on, carrefour and Fox.. she bought what she wanted from Fox and cotton on till she had no money and didn't meet her friend in the end.. so we ended up having dinner together.. and we took ages just to decide where to eat.. we had two choices - simpang or 85.. after much debating and side-tracking, we settled for 85.. haha.. bus and train was damn crowded sia and the both of us were hungry.. sat at 85 for more than an hour before coming home.. didn't have our dessert cause the dessert stall wasn't open.. owells.. next time we shall try our luck again! ha! will be meeting her at least two more times (i hope.. are we?) once next week to claim from her my belated birthday treat (which is very belated...) and another the following week just before school starts.. she's gotta claim from me her birthday treat/present.. most prob both.. haha.. my jie wad! it'll be worth it.. but i've yet to decide what to get her though.. and since it's her day, she'll get to choose where she wanna go and eat.. haha.. i know she'll read this so yah! hui yee, heard it? you get to choose but pls, no hawker food for ur birthday hor! see, ur mei so nice to you! not saying you not nice! we're both nice cause we're hao jie mei! haha.. owells.. tmr's wednesday, it's children's day, it's a public holiday.. but it makes no diff to me.. :)

i unknowingly woke up from my sleep just now.. the fever's gone down but the cough and leaking nose is still there.. just hope the fever don't come back otherwise everything will be spinning again.. anyway, today's the last lesson for catechism.. my 2nd class is 'promoted' le.. one year just pass so fast.. rascals they may be, angels at times, it was great fun having them teaching them.. all the funny answers they can give and the stories of their week every time they enter class.. i'm so gonna miss them lots.. although sometimes they're so naughty that you have to keep scolding and shouting at them, but really, they're my little kids.. :) thank goodness, next year P3, i'll still be in touch with them cause i'll be helping P3 out for events.. those little ones just make me smile.. :) i'll really miss them.. and i can't believe, next year is my 3rd year in the ministry already! and in the 3rd year, i'm becoming level rep.. and in the 3rd year, i've got heavier responsibility.. and in the 3rd year, i think i'll be helping out the saturday classes even more depending on the manpower of our catechists.. but just as well, get more experience and can learn more things from auntie tina.. lol.. and on a random end off, just like how those little ones make me smile, he makes me smile as well.. :) now, what did i say about writing about him here? lol.. :)

just get away from me now.. i don't wanna hear your voice for now.. my head's spinning, it's bad as it is now.. and you have to keep nagging... yes, i know i've been physically weak this year.. pls, not that i don't want to take care.. you think i like being sick? you think i enjoy going to the doctor? if i can, i'd rather not fall sick.. who likes being sick? so stop saying i need a full body check-up.. stop suaning me.. i'm feeling bad enough.. stop adding salt to my wound.. stop being like a bee, buzzing around me.. just go away for now.. i'm PMS-ing and i'm sick.. down with fever and cough.. how do you think i'm feeling? p.s: this post is not directed at him.. he has nothing to do with this post..

I believe that while God has the other half prepared for me, that He has his plans for me, i also choose to believe that happiness lies in your hands as well.. and to get that happiness, you'll have to be brave and fight for your own happiness and not be afraid of liking someone.. however, the result of fighting for your happiness may often result in a one-sided affair and falling badly and getting hurt.. since i believe that my happiness lies in my hands, i will be brave and fight for it and not be afraid of letting close friends know or resulting in an one-sided affair since there is no right or wrong in liking someone.. but the only thing i'm afraid of is to fall badly, get hurt and never dare to like or love again... this is how i'm feeling now...

while waiting to use the toilet, here's what happened yesterday during outing with the other hyper 3s... met at orchard at 4pm.. proceeded to far east and then to taka, wisma and then to cine.. took many many pics.. but i'll only post the more nicer pics.. anyway, too lazy to blog.. take a look at the pics instead then!

at Orchard MRT while waiting for ting and fiona...



slacking at Mango's changing room while waiting for ting to finish trying her pants/bermudas..


at LJS in cine for dinner.. all no money so decided to eat the cheapest set in LJS...


we even camwhored in the toilet and while walking!!


while walking to the MRT station, ting just had to snap photos of me and tracy at the background and we were not aware! the other 2 pics were taken while waiting for the train...


ting, fiona and tracy.. they are part of the KC darlings who make life for me fun, great and wonderful! they're my darlings that can never be replaced.. they're the darlings, together with a few others, who will sit next to the VIP table one day when i get married.. they are the darlings that i love a lot! p.s: i've got a few more darlings lah.. not only them.. haha.. but nevertheless, they're irreplaceable to me.. no matter how good my friendship with my current friends are now, the KC darlings come first and if one day they're in need of trouble or need a listening ear, they will take priority over everything else.. now you know how much these darlings mean to me.. :)

as for today, day out with hui yee but that girl doesn't want to take pics.. so no pics for today's outing.. had fun with her.. ate at sakae sushi.. yum yum.. window-shopped.. totally great day out with her cause we laugh at each other at the slightest thing and we joke and talk about everything.. she totally rocks and is my dearest jie! love this girl to bits.. haha.. fun day today.. :) tmr the class peeps are going ice-skating but nah, i'm not going.. have been out 6 days consecutively already (this includes church...) so i'd better not go out lest mum gets unhappy.. rather stay home and rest.. haha.. and save that money.. lol... :)

maybe some day...
when you become my close friend...
a friend i tell everything to...
maybe you'll take priority as well...

meeting tracy, fiona and ting later at orchard.. suddenly feeling sian.. maybe cause of the unexpected 'meet' yesterday evening.. but then again, i'm being in a happy mood.. cause of the things i've read on the fan club website.. the posts by the friends just made me smile and laugh.. can tell that he's a nice guy.. and i've decided to stop writing things about him on my blog.. instead, it'll all be written in my diary and told to some of my darlings.. but it's hard to not mention him but i'll try.. i promise i would.. and i'll keep myself in a good mood this week.. suddenly feeling very greedy, as in not hungry that kind of greed but after seeing and talking to him, i just wanna see him more and talk to him more.. but i know i can't cause of certain reasons so i'll hang in there.. but at the same time, take hui yee's advice and take control of my feelings.. i'll let nature take its course and yah, to be frens with him is more than what i'm asking for now.. cause like what hui yee said, it's still early.. owells.. ok, shan't be depressing now.. off to shower soon and watch my video before i go out.. :)

the encounters i have of you...
may be insignificant...
but they will be written somewhere else...
somewhere more private...
somewhere more close to my heart...

got back from lunch not too long ago.. met angeline for lunch at pizza hut, TM.. was rather last-minute.. thank goodness she called me at 11 am if not i would have slept till dunno wad time.. lunched, chatted and shopped.. we were looking for the 2009 planner but couldn't find it.. i wanna get one during this hol.. if not, when school reopen and during the dec break, all planners would have been sold out already.. bought quite a number of things - 2 hairbands, a diary, a card holder.. drank my pure vanilla blended from coffee bean.. and here's a note of thanks to her: thanks for the lunch treat! i feel so bad.. :)

talked to her about many things.. was nice catching up with her.. tmr's evening out with fiona, ting and tracy! meeting the other 3 hypers again after our last meet in... june? haha.. looking forward to it.. bet it'll be fun and we can all laugh at fiona.. haha... and i should go out and not stay home and think too much.. lol.. fun week ahead with all those bonding.. just loving it.. :) -edited-

i'm starting to think of you again...

got home at 8pm.. tired after one whole day in church, helping my sister with FHC.. my mood currently is good.. not too bad.. at least i'm smiling.. i seriously have no idea what was wrong with me the last 2 days lah.. you'll see why soon.. this morning, i had this scared feeling of seeing him.. i was just scared cause i didn't know how i would be if i saw him thus, i didn't want to see him at all.. went to church, busied myself.. running to and fro, putting up decorations with auntie evelyn's 2 girls, sarah and nicole.. her girls were helpful and sweet.. after that, went to verbist hall, walked down to church foyer and then to church main entrance.. the main door was open and i was standing with steph.. the next thing i knew was steph said hi to angel's fren, told me something and then she said hi to him.. and unknowingly, i was standing next to him.. of course it was for a few seconds cause he was busy getting ready for mass and stuff.. was very warm so i stood inside the church to enjoy the air-con and he was there too.. after that mass started and he was standing diagonally facing me...

ok, how did i feel? at first, not much feelings cause i really was busy and looking after my ex-class, my mind was not on him.. at that point in time, i wasn't exactly happy nor was i sad.. more of neutral.. after mass, i started talking to nicole and yah, she felt that i'm forcing this happiness out of me.. but honestly speaking, although i only saw him during mass, i was happy already.. at least seeing him now makes me smile and be happy and not sad whenever i see him.. maybe cause i expected it.. that's why.. i'm wanting to talk to hui yee but that girl is just not answering her phone.. dunno whether she still working but so late le.. owells.. in conclusion, although there's still that tinge of mixed feelings, i'm happy i saw him today.. even though we just smiled and stood next to each other, not saying a word.. :) p.s: my mood swings are scary the last few days.. hopefully i'll be in a happy mood this week...

i hope every time i see you..
it'll be a happy feeling
and not a sad one..

my mood hasn't been exactly that good up till now.. was rather moody this morning when i woke up for piano.. was already late.. came back home, watched 命中注定我爱你, lunched and went back to my bed.. didn't sleep of course.. was listening to song and reading past smses.. and i suddenly started tearing.. it wasn't those tears that flowed like a river.. but they were tears that flowed slowly.. i thought my problem would been solved before nicole but now, that's not the case.. was just feeling down and needed a talk.. but sadly, no one was online to talk to me.. wanted to talk to ben but nah, he wasn't online.. so i watched my videos and i am still watching.. what i couldn't believe myself was that i was tearing.. i'm so not sure of my feelings.. they're just confused.. this just so isn't marianne.. but fact is, i did tear.. because of him? i don't know.. maybe i guess.. yet i had no idea why i was tearing for him? like what i said, i can't smile yet i don't feel that sad.. someone help me... meeting hui yee for dinner.. we still can't decide on a place.. town or simpang.. honestly speaking i don't mind simpang but if i were to bump into him by coincidence, i'd have no idea how i'd react.. maybe what nicole told me was true.. maybe it's best that i don't meet him.. i'm just not myself today.. and although i'm prepared to see him tmr, i'm now hoping my gut feeling is wrong.. that he won't be there tmr.. otherwise, i think i'll break down again tmr nite.. maybe you would think i'm over-reacting and that it's a one-sided thing, yes i don't deny.. maybe i am over-reacting and it is a one-sided thing for now.. but i can't control.. as quoted by nicole, i never know what will happen today, tmr and the days to come.. maybe after his exams, he'll come back for me, wanting to be friends.. i never know but i don't wanna think too much now.. what i rather want is to know whether or not i should still hold on cause the consequence is something i may not want...

my heart is in pain...
the tears just keep flowing...
do you know exactly how i am feeling?

i saw someone i didn't expect to see today.. i wasn't prepared in seeing him today but i did.. happy feelings soon turned the other way round.. felt emo, sad and lost.. have no idea why either.. hui yee thinks i'm putting too much hope in this and i'm seeing him as a potential bf.. nicole thinks i'm thinking too much and she advised that what's mine will be mine and she'll walk through this time with me now that i've spent her rough times with her and her fairytale can now continue happily.. caroline says that because it's unexpected, it's a coincidence, God decided that we should meet... and i think that i do agree with nicole and hui yee that i am putting too much hope in him, i am thinking too much (again) and that i'm indeed seeing him as a potential bf.. this feeling for him is a different feeling from my eye candies yet is not the same as crushes.. more than an eye candy but not yet a crush.. however, they feel it is a crush already, no more an eye candy.. i don't know how i'm feeling now and why i'm feeling this way.. can't bring myself to smile and yet i don't feel that sad.. caught in between the feelings of being happy and sad.. my post doesn't seem to make sense, does it? just let me rabble on here, will you? owells.. someone, do me a favour, help me get those logical reasonings into my stupid head..

even though this meet came unexpectedly,
i'm prepared to see you on sunday..
but like what she said,
the feeling of being prepared,
and the feeling of really seeing you...
is very very different..
can i accept that difference in feelings??

whee!! i'm back from my one-day break of blogging.. haha.. update about my toe: it's still red as though it's bleeding continuously and it seems wet.. think got pus and it looks it's rotting.. ok, i'll stop the grossness.. but i think it's ok.. still a little pain whenever i accidentally hit it.. gosh, tell me, how to wear heels on sunday? mum said better for me to wear open-toed shoes.. but my heels are somehow either closed toe or too high! argh.. shall see how lah.. taking my vitamin C and applying zambuk to it.. i finally completed the craftwork for tmr! tmr's the big big big day! the day we've all been preparing since the start of the year.. the attachees have been notified.. reporting time for me tmr is 4pm.. till i dunno wad time.. so i doubt i'll be able to come online tmr nite.. owells, once this is over, we all can take a month or so break before we slowly start getting ideas for next year and i'll have a heavier position next year.. stress! lol... on another note, i was supposed to go in and teach today.. mum offered to let me go in instead but my toe? and i didn't want to make it worse before tmr.. so i declined.. let mum go in instead.. and i can't wear slipper or sandals to teach.. so yah.. anyway, remembered i said i was going to post the pics taken at the chalet? FYI, all pics have me with my fellow classmates.. and these pics were taken with my phone.. so quality may not be that good.. but nevertheless, enjoy!


that's gen, one of my HR member! and boy, she's real talented!


this is ben, the guy who taught me how to cycle but end up hurting myself.. he's a nice guy..


kai hui.. 2/3 of my clique is here.. kelly didn't come for BBQ.. :( if not could have a clique photo..


serene! nice girl.. and the guys esp. melvin like to bully her during finance tutorial cause they say she take down answers very slow..


and lastly, yong sing, year 1 classmate and 2B01's class rep... what a dumb facial expression.. known him for 1 1/2 years now.. doesn't seem that long, huh?

there is still a few more pics.. will upload them when kai hui sends me the pics! ok, out of here now.. toodles.. :)

-edited-
maybe cause i've forced myself not to think too much about you.. i no longer think so much of you anymore.. or whenever i think of you unknowingly, it's easy to get you out of my mind and not feel that emo anymore.. that must be the case, i guess.. but i know for sure is that those days which i spent with my class peeps at the chalet, i didn't think so much about you...

finally decide to blog.. haha.. was back home at 10 plus.. dad came to pick me up cause my slipper broke and i cut my toe.. so i couldn't go back on my own even if i stayed over. so called dad up to pick me.. but i was there rather early? was there at abt 12.30.. waited for melvin and yong sing to help carry the chicken wings and then we headed back to the chalet.. melvin was so nice that he accompanied me as i walk while he cycled... haha.. the guys in my class are always so nice.. you'll know why soon.. so slacked with them, lunched and then more slacking.. had a girls' talk with gen, kai hui, aisyah and amy while the guys went to swim.. they came back an hour later, chatted a while more and laughed and then we were off to start the bbq! helped to cook and did the minor errands.. let the guys take over after that while i just sat and talk to kai hui.. talk talk talk, camwhore camwhore camwhore.. she saw desheng's bike at the entrance of the chalet and wanted to cycle.. so i accompanied her with shaun and ben came out after that with his own bike.. so shaun taught kai hui and ben taught me.. haha.. while learning, i managed to cycle with ben holding onto the bike and poor him, i kept screaming while he kept asking me to look straight... but he quite got patience though.. lol.. after that i tried again and again and he stood on my left to catch me if i fall.. in the end, i did fall and cut my toe and slipper broke cause he didn't manage to catch me in time.. not his fault though.. haha.. so went back to the chalet to clean up and those at the chalet were like, omg, marianne, wad happen to your toe?? our finance tutor was there too btw.. so ben washed and cleaned my wound for me.. so nice of him rite? now you know why i say my class guys are so sweet and nice.. i'll miss having lessons with them.. even though me, ben, shaun and melvin doing the same electives.. and hopefully, we'll end up in the same class then at least still can study with them.. :) owells.. wonderful and precious memories of them, of 2B01.. i'll miss the times i had with them.. all i can hope for is be in the same class as those 3 guys! if according to what melvin said is true.. :) anyway, pics up tmr or some other time.. tired now.. off to bed soon.. good night peeps..

back from chalet not too long ago.. showered, sorted some matters with mum and now i'm here.. i eventually decided to go and keep yong sing and desheng company this afternoon since i was so bored at home.. melvin was there when i reached.. but i was talking to nicole for a while before i met them.. and yong sing is so nice to give me directions on how to get there.. thanks dude! p.s: i think we're better friends than before... :) so played cards with them for an hour or so and they kept 'bullying' me.. hell them but they're fun to be with.. keely and kai hui came and we continued slacking and playing cards till shaun and fellicia finally came before going for dinner.. had macs and was smsing nicole and stuff.. headed to ehub's NTUC to get snacks and drinks before they went back to the chalet while i came back home.. and what touched me tonight was 2 guys actually insisted that i go back early cause it was late and i was going back alone and that i sms them when i reached home.. so sweet, rite? ok, it may not mean much but still, someone actually said that to me when i'm the one saying it to people most of the time.. especially when someone sends me home.. owells.. will be going down earlier tmr? shall wake up early, shower, watch tv and once the chicken wings are done marinating (credits given to mum), i'm out of the house and will be home rather late tmr nite.. dun think i'll leave there early but yah.. my worries were unnecessary.. lol.. owells.. think i'll be damn tired by tmr nite.. wed got to get some church stuff done, thursday get a good rest at home, friday busy day cause busy event.. lol.. what a fun-filled week!! :) good, i can get tire out and fall asleep easily and not think of him...

i'm super duper tired.. once my hair dries, i'm off to bed.. have been awake since 7.30a.m this morning till now.. church in the morning.. will confirm stay on in primary 2 next year and i think it's confirmed that i'll be level rep next year as well? that's what auntie nancy said when auntie evelyn asked if we could all move up to primary 3 with the class.. but one reason why i'm not moving cause pat is there.. i'd rather stay in primary 2 than move to primary 3 cause we won't get along.. and primary 2 is short of catechists.. haha..

after church was outing with nicole... headed down to bugis, lunched, walked from bugis to haji lane to arab street to lavender, bused to city hall, walked from city hall to marina square to suntec city before going home.. took some pictures but will only get them after nicole completes her A levels in one month's time? so be patient.. haha.. i'll upload pics for you all but not now, i guess... was tired so i slept for a while in the train.. reached home not 10 mins and i was out for dinner.. hui yee smsed and asked to see if me and nicole wanted to meet her for dinner at simpang.. but we didn't meet in the end.. if she smsed earlier, i would have agreed... haha... now i'm deciding whether or not to go for chalet day 1 tmr.. a bit lazy but i don't wanna go for neighbourhood mass sia.. but even then, i'll go but won't stay over.. cause if i stay, i got to go home on tuesday to pick up the chicken wings.. so no point.. might as well go home.. 2nd day also most prob go home bah after the bbq.. won't be too late though.. gotta come home and slowly start preparing for friday's event and complete my theory homework for piano.. i can only say busy week ahead..

anyway, on another note, i didn't see him today.. good and bad thing, i feel.. good cause at least i won't have negative feelings.. bad cause i somehow wished i saw him.. but like what i told nicole, i never see him doesn't mean he didn't see me.. of course, provided that he was in church lah.. lol.. owells.. i dunno.. i just saw his pic on J's friendster.. i somehow wanted to talk to him.. but nope, marianne shall restrain herself! lol.. nicole dropped hint to me.. i hope he'll keep his word.. not sure if friday night i'll see him.. it'll all depends.. even then, if he's in church helping with 1st recon, i'll be busy so may not get to talk to him or see him even if he does see me.. and i think he may help out at FHC?? somehow, i hope he do.. i'm contradicting myself, ain't i? haha.. lol.. i dunno lah.. confused.. blur.. unsure.. i hope we won't play hide-and-seek with each other if he's in church on friday and sunday.. :)

although my msn says...
let's play hide-and-seek...
i don't wanna play with you..
at all...

i slept my fill! woke up for piano after that came home and continued sleeping till 12.45pm.. shiok! haha.. maybe cause i didn't eat anything then still feel so sleepy.. now, i'm wide awake le.. talking to sherlyn online! haha.. last night didn't go simpang in the end.. was in church till 10 plus before cabbing home with the sisters.. haha.. slacking away at home again today till evening.. most prob going out for dinner but have no idea where.. lol..

tmr will be out with nicole.. seems we'll be going to arab street that area which is near little india there? she wanna go check out some cheap vintage clothings.. for me, i'll think i'll do window shopping.. haha.. hui yee and caroline has yet to confirm they're coming.. hopefully they say ok! so i'll be out the whole day tmr.. gotta sleep early and wake up early tmr to shower before going to church.. haha.. oh! and sweet nicole gave a hint just now.. that hint just made me smile.. and i tot i got the hint wrong lah.. but she was rather random? like suddenly just say 7 is a nice number.. haha.. some people will know what 7 would mean to me lah.. haiz.. although it was sweet of nicole to tell me, i somehow feel i rather not know cause i'll get affected and start thinking too much.. owells.. a step at a time, i guess... lol.. dun think i'll be bumping into him tmr.. since for the past few weeks he's been going on saturdays.. maybe caroline will see him.. but not me.. ok, shan't think too much.. off to do my favourite pastime now - videos! haha.. :)

-edited-
i've finished watching one of the HK dramas that i was following online.. peeps, any nice HK dramas? haha.. owells.. caroline smsed me just now and said that he wasn't in church.. does that mean he'll be in church tmr? i dunno and i dun wanna hope.. cause hoping will make me disappointed if it's not the outcome i want.. while having dinner just now, this particular thought came to mind.. actually even if he's my mr right, i have this feeling that we won't be together till most prob after his 'O' levels.. that's how i feel.. he just gives me this feeling.. i'm not sure if i'm wrong to feel this way but.. ok, too much thoughts about him tonight.. this shouldn't be the case.. but i know that if i do see him in church tmr, i won't deny that i'll be happy but my mood, my feelings may turn the other way round after that.. shopping tmr with nicole.. :)

having problems sleeping again.. not sure why.. just feel tired but can't fall asleep.. ahh!! maybe cause of P2's 1st recon night coming up next week.. can be said as an annual big event? and whatsmore this year, i'm not like the others, stationed in church.. i'll be assisting auntie nancy and auntie tina so i'll be all over church.. according to auntie nancy, i'm undergoing training for level rep.. does that mean next yr i'm most prob likely to become level rep? owells.. so i'm somehow playing a big big big role this year.. and if you wanna say undergo training, my training started in june, after i took over nat in taking minutes.. haha...

anyway, off to church in another 2 1/2 hrs.. going in a little earlier so that i can settle some things rgd next week and see if the P3 needs help.. busy busy busy yet bored bored bored.. haha... after that, may or may not be meeting nicole already.. that girl ahh... so depending on her mood and energy level on whether she can still hang on for a few more hours and whether she's willing to come down to church and meet me.. haiz... owells.. shan't blame her.. hmmm... dunno whether the altar boys will be helping tonite? if they are, will he be there? i dunno.. but i doubt they're helping..

nicole said she'll find out when n levels end.. i told her no need already.. cause no matter how much i may wish to know, after knowing it will result in more hope and then eventually more hurt.. so i'd rather not know but self-deceive myself... owells.. letting nature take its course.. what's more important is that i'm happy.. agree? lol.. :)

-edited-
my mood's feeling good tonight.. not because i saw him... on the contrary, i thought i would see him when i saw the other altar boys but phew, he wasn't there.. you must be wondering why i'm glad that i didn't see him when i should be feeling otherwise.. well, he's not there would allow me to not think so much.. and my mood won't get affected.. so i guess for now, it's best that i don't see him.. i'm trying not to think about him or contacting him.. shall just wait and see after his exams (which i don't know when that ends..).. owells.. been feeling irritated and stuff the last few days.. people put me on aeroplane which after a while, puts me off.. argh.. owells.. hopefully the meet on sunday will go as planned... :S

我不懂你的心..
心在痛, 眼泪倒流..
有时候真的好累..
想不再回头..

some changes made to my blog.. new layout, new blog address.. more privacy against unwanted people.. such that, it's not being made private but not many know my new blog address.. only those on my links and my darlings.. haha.. i guess it is really more privacy, huh?

anyway, i applied for an admin post at orchard.. dunno whether i'll get the job and whether i'll decide to take up but at least i applied.. beats having staying at home, rotting away.. but at the thought that it's at orchard just makes me feel so sian.. super sian.. imagine working every day at orchard.. lol.. but owells.. shall see how when the person call me bah? after all, even if call, i may decide to decline the job.. next week's chalet.. doubt i'll stay over.. dunno whether tracy is free or not on monday.. if she is, most prob we'll go cycling at pasir ris and maybe i'll drop by and see them.. i think they'll 'kill' me if i don't stay lah.. haha.. owells.. busy week next week? with chalet and my dear little kids' 1st recon night on friday, busy night, busy week.. lol.. there's the last meeting tonite and tmr's the P3 penitential service.. wonder if altar boys are asked to help.. if so, will he be there? and what about P2 1st recon? ok, i'm supposed to stop thinking about him.. but sometimes can't be helped.. he was on my mind last night and that teachers' day incident just played in my mind.. but i'm getting on fine, with lesser feelings of emo for sure.. lol.. :)

*edited:
most prob be simpang-ing tmr night with nicole after P3 event.. have yet to ask mum but i think it should be ok.. cause i don't intend to stay out till very late.. most likely at most 1 1/2 hours? cause i've got piano the next day and nic's out the whole day and the P3 event will get me tired.. so just a drink or dessert with her, some chats and home sweet home.. owells.. but there's cats!! as in meow meow.. argh!! nic's not scared of cats, i think so she'll be able to protect me.. am thinking of asking someone else but i know nic is sure to scream at me if i ask.. so i think i'd better not ask.. but i know how to get to simpang already.. have asked clare so shouldn't be a problem.. ok, i'm so tired after P2 CATS meeting.. need to get things done tmr afternoon b4 going to church... owells.. off to bed early tonite... :)

if you didn't become my eye candy..
if i hadn't come to know you...
maybe, just maybe...
all these wouldn't have happened..

got back results already.. i think this semester's subjects are not easy.. so taking that into consideration, i can get all Bs and 1 B+, i'm happy.. at least i didn't fail.. and yes, my MBS got B!! unexpected surprise.. :) as for GPA.. i will only know tmr.. tried counting but it didn't seem correct.. so yah.. as for the girls, they did pretty well!! GOOD JOB FRENS!! happy for them and for myself.. hopefully my GPA (cumulative) don't get affected badly.. next semester, i'm going to chiong again.. after all, i can finally concentrate on core subjects since there is no more CDS.. easier to manage time as well!! and now that we've got back results, i'm hoping me and sherlyn to end up in the same class.. will we? haha.. we won't know till a month or so later.. owells..

and since i've got good results or rather, i'm happy with my results, shopping this sunday with nicole and maybe with caroline and hui yee!! yeah!! i'm so going shopping with nicole and do some catching up this sunday.. seems i'll be out from morning till night with her!! :) and i so hope the other 2 dearies can make it.. pls say you can, ok! don't put me on aeroplane le lah.. so difficult to meet you up.. haha..

*edited:
after reading my god-sis's blog, i've got the intention of changing my blog address. should i? any suggestions? hmm... owells.. but, i've then got to inform everyone about the change in blog address.. how? should i? maybe i should.. can get more privacy from unwanted people.. poly frens will know who i'm talking about.. haha.. lol.. and stupid msn can't sign me in.. argh!!

good grades..
good results..
contented and happy..
what more can i ask for?

after so long, i've 'waken up'.. heeding caroline's advice.. to stop thinking so much.. i agree with her.. think so much, i suffer, he doesn't know anything.. why bother? so yah, i'll try to stop thinking about him.. and like what i told nicole, i shall see how it goes when he contacts me.. if i contact him, the emo feelings will arise and blah blah blah.. and cause i'm listening to caroline's advice, it's my risk of bearing whatever the outcome cause you make a choice to follow somebody's advices for you and following that choice comes risk.. agree? haha.. a special thanks to caroline and nicole! u darlings are the best frens i can ever ask for.. and i hope hui yee is ok.. drop me a msg or call if you're not ok, ok dear?

talking about frens, i realised i've not been keeping contact with sue and sam and char and many more.. from KC, the only few people are tracy, hui yee, nic, caroline.. guess it's time for the party girl to hold a christmas party or new year's party this year so that we all can do some bonding and gathering! agree darlings? haha.. i know they would agree with me.. lol.. ok, more updates tonite if there's anything for me to edit.. haha..

omg! tmr's wednesday..
day of release of exam results thru sms...
hope i fare well..
while i wait for you to contact me..
i'll try to stop thinking about you..

Love Me No More

I toss and turn in bed
Can't get you out of my head
Even though you're so far away...
I need you here with me
Oh boy why can't you see
That i can't live without your love

When i close my eyes, i think of you
I wish i had you here with me
But there's nothing i can do

Counting everyday that goes by
And the tears that i cry
You don't wanna love me no more
Wish that you could hold me tonight
I'm hurting inside
Cause you don't wanna love me no more
Cause you don't wanna love me no more, no more

I tried to call your phone
But you ain't been at home
I need to find out where you are
So i can make you see that you belong to me
For me there is no other love

When i close my eyes
I think of you
I wish i had you here with me
But there's nothing i can do

Counting everyday that goes by
And the tears that i cry
You don't wanna love me no more
Wish that you could hold me tonight
I'm hurting inside
Cause you don't wanna love me
Cause you don't wanna love me no more

All i know is that i can't live without you
But i wanna know what made you feel this way
I'll be right here for you
And everything that you do
But how can i get this close to you
When you don't feel the way i do

Counting everyday that goes by
And the tears that i cry
You don't wanna love me no more
Wish that you could hold me tonight
I'm hurting inside
Cause you don't wanna love me
Cause you don't wanna love me no more

*edited:
it's night.. and is raining.. feeling emo enough.. now with the rain, i'm even more emo.. i so badly need a chat...

is my situation the same as what the lyrics has stated?
but i like the lyrics a lot...
but how can i get close to you
when you don't feel the way i do??

big commotion last night.. thought i could blog abt church and stuff but no... that damn sis forgot to close the window before leaving for TM and i thought she closed it.. it started raining and when i got home, i had the biggest shock of my life.. my whole laptop was wet.. my precious laptop was wet.. how nice.. tried drying it and turning on but no, it didn't work.. was quite upset that i started crying and the parents weren't of any help.. they just kept saying that i should have closed the window even if i wasn't the last to leave the room and that i should take proper care of my laptop.. like hell... the sister is so pampered that they don't think she's at fault too.. so was quite upset, cried, smsed nicole and hui yee and ended up talking to hui yee on the phone for more than 1 hour.. but it was nice chatting with her although we seeked consolation in each other because of our problems.. these people can really make me smile and feel better.. :)

anyway, was in church yesterday.. met caroline up... chatted a little before going up to class.. caroline said she thought she saw him if she didn't see wrongly.. haha.. owells.. i didn't see him yesterday.. but i'm not sure if God answered my prayers.. good weather or unexpected happening.. well, there was good weather in the afternoon and something unexpected happened.. so did God answer my prayers? i really don't know.. regarding him, me and nicole chatted a lot on this.. and sometimes i ask myself, ain't i foolish to worry and be anxious about him when we aren't together.. why am i bothering myself with such worries? i really have no answer.. or maybe i do but it could be self-denial.. nicole said maybe it's best for me not to see him now.. but even if i don't see him, i think about him and that subjective matter and yes, the emo-ness comes.. but i shall try.. i foresee that my coming posts for the next few days will be rather emo and sad? lol.. owells.. i'm feeling damn tired now.. slept for less than 5 hours last nite thanks to the coffee drink i had for dinner.. maybe i shall sleep a while later.. haha.. ok, off to do my stuff.. updates tonite if possible (and if nothing goes wrong..) :)

*edited:
chats with the darlings... been giving advices and they've been giving me advices.. i dunno wad to do now.. just like what caroline just said, she's giving me advices all because she doesn't want to see me suffer and suffer when he doesn't know anything.. haiz.. i really dunno lah.. at a loss.. and i'm promising them not to think so much.. but it's always easier said than done.. but i know if i can keep myself busy and occupied, i eventually can think lesser and stress myself out lesser.. owells.. i really dunno.. darlings, what shld i do other than wait??

were those answers just pure coincidence?
or are they the answers that God wants to tell me?
i'm at a loss now...
will you tell me what to do?

will be going back to church later to help auntie tina's class again cause auntie jane's not back yet.. so off to church.. can't get caroline.. dunno if she wanna meet me before mass to talk for awhile or not.. well, hopefully she does.. then can sit in the foyer and chat and maybe see him.. :S but i'm not holding high hopes.. if God wants us to meet, we will meet.. of course, i'm so hoping to see him today cause i won't be attending mass tmr.. and because i'm not attending mass tmr, i'd rather see him today than miss the chance of seeing him tmr.. if you get what i mean? owells.. and i so hope caroline reply my phone call.. most prob out for dinner with the sisters tonite but it's not confirmed.. i dun wanna eat alone.. make me feel so poor thing.. and emo.. at least with their company, it'll be a bit better.. owells.. more updates tonite.. after i get back from church and dinner... :S

was on the phone for about an hour last night with nicole. had a nice chat with her. but we weren't chatting about the past or about school. we were talking about our problems. she consoled me and i consoled her. she counselled me and i counselled her. and this chat made the both of us emo and for me, i felt some terrible feelings. the same feelings i felt when i quarreled with the yr 1 crush at the beginning of this year. i think only year 1 frens will know who's this year 1 crush i'm talking about. not convenient to mention who is it cause i'm not sure if anyone from class still reads this. the same feelings that made me hurt and the urge of crying yet cry without tears. nicole asked if his reply to me affected me. if his acad status affected me or was it just the 'talk to you another time' reply. i felt it wasn't his acad status but more of the 'talk to you another time' reply. maybe i shouldn't have smsed him but if i didn't, i never knew how long i had to wait. but now i know. after his exams. and can i say i hope his exams end next week? at least i have a higher chance of having a happy face for class chalet. but nevertheless, the chat made me feel better.

i had my reasons for wondering how come mr chan told him about me. ok, if you tell me it's normal for mr chan to tell him that he saw me without knowing i knew him, maybe i still can accept. but to the extent that he asked if i was wearing a white shirt that day? i really have my reasons. and i want to know the answer to my questions. tried asking mr chan last nite but he was off to sleep. maybe tonite. it's just the curious side of me. or is it better not to know the answer at all?

overall, feeling better today. not so emo. but still, those thoughts still run in my mind and his replies. i guess it's the night thing, just like what i told nicole. it's the night thing. after 11pm, when the streets are almost quiet. when the house is quieten down. thoughts would run wild. guess i'll still be emo the next few days till he calls me back. i never know. but one thing i'm glad is that i have nicole and nicole have me for company over the next few days. i know i can always confide in her. she was, she is and she will always be my confidant, my zhi xin peng you. :) and i realised i've been talking to secondary school mates a lot these few days. just love those dearies. :)

i'm glad i have you as company..
i know you'll always be there for me..
whenever i need a listening ear..
thanks dear!

just got back from church not too long ago.. meeting went well.. not too bad.. and i learnt quite a bit on how to allocate duties and making sure that everyone has a duty and the flow of procedure for 1st Recon night itself.. and i've been assigned to assist auntie tina.. cause according to auntie nancy, she sounded sure that i'll be level rep next year and this year, i can learn from auntie tina as she 'imparts some of her skills' to me.. well, taking it as a learning experience.. and you know what? it has always been my wish to 'get promoted' and be level rep.. but after hearing what auntie nancy had said, i really don't know to be happy or sad.. level rep.. next year.. well, if God wants me to be the level rep, i guess HE has his plans and HE knows what's best for me.. but like what i've said, taking it as a learning experience.. maybe it's not a bad idea to be level rep, afterall..

*edits:
heeded her advice and smsed him.. but i guess he was busy studying cause his last msg was '... talk to you another time.' well, maybe he is busy.. owells.. i guess he won't be free till 1-2 weeks later which also means i dun think i'll see him online or get to talk to him for another 1-2 weeks.. maybe during this period, i shouldn't think too much.. like how i adviced her.. and i seeked her advice on that matter which i've been figuring out since sunday... she said it's rather subjective.. i guess so too.. i just hope i'm not thinking too much.. like how she can't wait for one month to be over, for me now, i can't wait for the next 1-2 weeks to be over.. at least i think he'll get back to me.. :S

having doubtful hopes now...
having little regrets now...
maybe i shouldn't have did that...
but since i did what i did,
at least i know i won't hear from you..
till 1-2 weeks later..

is it me or is the system just lagging today? everything seem to be loading damn slow today.. anyway, gonna watch my videos later so i thought i'd better blog first, in case i watch until very late.. so was out with mum today to bugis for lunch at siam kitchen before walking over to lavender to do some shopping and errands! i can only say, today was a fruitful day for me and mum cause we bought clothes and i got my jumper fixed.. mum paid for my clothes.. well, every time we go to the supplier, mum would pay for my clothes! and today my clothes plus 2 belts from bedok inter came up close to $70! and i'm happy with the things i bought and mum's happy with hers.. :) and this was what i bought: 2 sweaters (grey and black), 1 denim dress and 2 belts! and out of all these, i love the dress the most! i can wear it for presentations in school! and any of my new belts can go along with it.. here are the pics:


my 2 new sweaters! can wear it for school.. like it cause the sleeves are super long.. can keep me warm when the aircon or the weather is super cold! :)


my 2 new belts! white and black! mum paid for it.. can go with my new dress.. easy to match with my clothes too! :)


and lastly, my new denim dress! love it! set my eyes on it when i entered the shop and i told mum... just so lovely!! :D

in all, i love my shopping spree today! and it's not that often that i get to go shopping with mummy especially when she's paying for me! anyway, on another note, mum said my face looks better! as in lesser pimples.. or little pimples! and i so agree!! hmm.. looks like the rice flour powder is working.. hopefully, the pimples on my back clear as well.. then i can wear tube or halter for chirstmas this year! haha.. ok, off to watch my HK shows and have dinner! toodles!! :)

seldom seen you online these days..
been busy?
wanting to sms you..
yet afraid you're busy..
or find me a nuisance..
decided it was best to wait for your call or sms...

spent my day at home slacking.. lol.. the weather didn't make me feel like going out.. rain rain rain.. will make me feel blue sooner or later.. haha.. but as i was at home, i started getting down to reading my book.. and talking about reading, this holiday, i hope to finish my book.. hopefully i can.. lol.. i need to get addicted to reading.. then at least, i've got something to do.. haha... will be going out tmr with mum to fix my jumper.. so won't be at home in the afternoon and hopefully, tmr will be a nice sunny day! :) anyway, here are the photos that were taken when i met angeline on friday at k box..


that's my birthday cake.. coffee flavour.. bought by my bestie, angeline..


making a birthday wish.. can you guess what i'm wishing? maybe you can.. haha..


and lastly, that's my bestie! been ages since i last went out with her alone... will be meeting more often this holiday, i guess?? together with my KC dearies! they know i miss them lots!! :)

another day has passed...
not a phone call or sms...
maybe you shouldn't have said those things...
or maybe i just shouldn't get my hopes too high...
cause i know we won't have any ending..

thanks to all ur concerns! i'm better already.. a lot better as compared to saturday and sunday.. lol.. was talking to hui yee last nite and that girl kept chasing me to go and sleep.. in the end, i only went offline at 12 plus.. bleah.. lol.. but anyway, had a great sleep but 2 stupid msgs from yong sing woke me up at 4.30a.m!! 4.30 am in the morning! really starting to think that he's an owl.. lol.. anyway, cause i was sick, i didn't really enjoy the singapore flyer.. hopefully i'll have another chance to go up there again, either with family or with frens.. and on the way to dinner, someone called and made me smile.. i seriously didn't expect that phone call but it came and i smiled.. it made me feel better.. :) anyway, here's the family photos that we took yesterday on the flyer.. pardon me cause i wasn't exactly smiling..

and the following pics were some pics taken when my overseas cousins were in singapore for their holiday!

and the last pic was taken during my holiday at penang in june.. just managed to get these pics from my sister recently..

more updates maybe tonight.. if not, till the next post!! :) enjoy the 'not-so-recent' pics!!

*edits:

ever since you said you'll give me a call or an sms when you're free, i've been looking and checking my phone every now and then, for fear i could have missed your call or sms.. and now, every time my phone rings, be it an sms or a call, i hope it's your number i see... owells.. leaving it to fate...

certain things, certain people...

is just able to put a smile on my face...

be it knowingly or unknowingly...

and you belonged to the group of certain people...