about 4 more hours to 2009!! great!! new start, new year.. mum just asked me why i'm so looking forward to 2009.. my reply was 'because.. 2008 has been a shit year for me..' dears will know why.. although i've made new friends, some of whom has been great frens, asking me how's my life occasionally and listening to me... but you know even then, the year hasn't been a great one.. yes, there were surprises but i think they were more of negative surprises than positive happy ones.. so i'm ready for 2009, looking forward to 2009.. hopefully 2009 will be a better year for me, in the many areas, health; friendships; relationships; studies; and of course loved ones stay healthy and happy always.. but my conclusion is still this: because 2008 is a shit year for me, i'm hoping, wishing that 2009 will be better.. that 2009 will have more POSITIVE surprises for me and hopefully, just hopefully, good news to share with my dears.. they'll know what i mean.. :) to all friends, dears and her, if 2008 has been a shitty year for you too, you know what? look forward.. look forward to start a new year with smiles and great things! always have hope and no matter what surprises you have in the new year, i'm always here for you.. :) so let's say together, BYE BYE 2008 AND HELLO 2009!! :) cheers, people!! :)

school started again.. gosh, now i've got to get used to waking up early for morning classes again.. :( it wld be great if someone could be so nice and give me morning calls on days that i have to wake up early.. it would be greatly appreciated.. lol.. i mean it.. will be blogging lesser.. not so much time especially with project deadlines and to chiong and prepare for main exam which mind you, isn't very far away.. it's in about 2 months time and with my predicted sucky mid-sem test results, i obviously have to prepare early and chiong.. i mean it too.. but will update once more, or maybe twice this week again.. after that, not so often le.. :) ok, school sucks but i'm glad at least the company of friends keep me motivated.. :)

i miss you again...
but i will try not to get upset over you..
it's a promise to myself...
but i'll still try to give you up...

smiles on my face.. created by someone.. lol.. partying soon when the dears come over!! so excited.. after all it has been ages since i last met up with some of them so of course i'm excited and looking forward to it.. :) for now, ciaoz..

other than them,
that idiot is always able...
to put a smile..
on my face.. :)

after this holiday, i came to realise something.. i've somehow seemed to lost my trust in that group of friends.. or rather, they made me lose my trust in this group of friends.. i won't say which group it is.. it just doesn't feel the same as it used to be.. owells.. anyway, MERRY CHRISTMAS to my family, jie, dears and friends!! :)

i love christmas this year..
it just seems so different..
as compared to previous years.. :)

it's been 2 years.. 2 years have just pass like that.. it all seemed like yesterday.. those flashbacks seem so real.. but we've all moved on somehow, one way or another.. we're stronger and living life happily, the way she wanted us to live, even though amidst our smiles and laughter will be that small little sadness... but the lesson learnt from this was to treasure and cherish everyone around you.. this was what hui yee told me today as well.. and this is what i'm telling you frens out there.. only my dears and jie will know why this day mean so much to me..

anyway, on a happier note, been meeting with hui yee up quite often.. starting from yesterday, i think i'll be meeting her almost everyday.. yesterday, today, (maybe)tmr, (maybe)wed if she's decided to come to church for christmas midnight mass with me and my family.. will be glad to have her around! hopefully, we'll meet everyday this week.. of course except for christmas day itself.. i may even meet her on friday to find caroline during her lunch break.. and i'm definitely seeing her on saturday!! gosh, this week seems exciting!! sooo looking forward to it.. :)

sooo looking forward to christmas this year..
no idea why either.. :)

I. think. I. still. miss. you. a. little.

I. guess. my. hopes. are. dashed.


no. call. nothing. at. all.

whee!! first and foremost, mid-sems are over! it's time to party and play!! haha.. although i felt i screwed mid-sems, but forget it.. it's over!! should have fun now that the holidays are here.. lol.. was out till 1.30a.m yesterday! yes, i reached home only at 1.30a.m.. cool, rite? was helping mass comm people with their filming.. or rather, my dear sister was helping them out and i was being her 'nanny' for the day.. but had lots of fun with them!! they're really a cool group to be with.. getting to know quite a number of mass comm people because of hui yee.. but nah, i'm not complaining cause they're nice nice nice people!! :) will have to help them out again with the green screen? but i don't mind.. lol.. last night, had occasional chats with hui yee.. the both of us have sooo many things to tell each other.. and she wants to find out how i'm coping.. (not with school.. some other stuff..) hopefully we get to meet this week.. haha.. :) half a sem's gone.. when sem 3.1 come, i've got no lunch company cause my dear girl is doing her industry attachment.. but hopefully we'll still meet up for dinner and dessert, yeah? but even then, i'm still 24/7 for her.. and of course, for my other dears!!

anyway she asked me something last night but i didn't give her an answer, maybe cause my sister was around.. but yah, maybe someone caught my eye.. i say, maybe.. nice person, rather friendly.. good impression of him.. but before i can really get another eye candy or smth, i think it's right and best of me to forget J first.. i mean, it's only ethical of me.. or at least, until i don't feel a thing when i see him, until i don't get emotional and start crying again.. but owells.. for now, i'll leave it as it is..

an extract from my diary:

yes, i may want to be in a relationship. but i want to be in one that will last. so i guess no matter how badly i want to be in one, i'll leave it to God. cause HE knows best. my life is in His hands. HE has a plan for me. i'd rather wait and look for one relationship that will last forever, than find one but no happy ending. i'll leave it to God... with the recent terrorism attack, i've once again realised that when it's time for you to go back home, when God wants you back, He has a way to want you back up there, even if it means just staying at home. when your time on earth is up, it's up. get the point? likewise even if i'm in a relationship now, he may not eventually be my Mr. Right..

so i guess he isn't for me.. he isn't the one God prepared for me. cause i believe that unless God wants me to become a nun, He's got my other half prepared for me, waiting for me. maybe that true Mr. Right has appeared already but as friends.. maybe he hasn't.. but whatever is it, I'm leaving it to God.. cause I believe and trust in Him that He knows best.. :)

p.s: is anyone still reading my blog?? hmmm.. ok, back to books.. :)

just felt like blogging again... less than one week to my first paper for mid-sem and i have no mood to study.. this is real bad.. haha.. my mind now is all on holiday events.. write and send christmas cards to my dears and friends (after buying them asap..), hair appointment on 17 dec, yen hui jie's wedding on 20 dec, ah yi's death anniversary on 22 dec (so fast time flies.. it's been xxx years already.. the dears will maybe know how long it is..), last minute shopping for christmas gifts on 23 dec, christmas eve mass on 24 dec, CHRISTMAS DAY on 25 dec, preparation for christmas party on 26 dec, CHRISTMAS PARTY on 27 dec, rest day on 28 dec and back to school after that... just the 2nd week of holiday and i'm busy with all the christmassy events!! but yea, i'm not complaining cause i'm looking forward to christmas and the party!! :) haha.. owells.. busy busy holiday.. but firstly, let's get mid-sem tests over and done with.. lol.. excited!! =)

may be going out later.. ok, if i do go out, i'll bring my HR notes along to study.. have to get myself in the studying mood or else no time again.. :) anyway, end of post.. watching tv now.. :)

sooo looking forward to the holidays..
cause of the many happening events..
and cause i'm spending christmas with my dears and loved ones.. :)

we seemed to be drifting further away as half a sem passed.. maybe cause these few weeks i haven been in a stable mood? mood swings come and go very fast.. but is that the reason? or are we getting used to the class that we talk to others yet not to each other? even M could ask if we were ok and did we quarrel.. my reply was no.. but do you think we're really ok? i see you sitting with them during lectures.. i really don't mind cause i don't wish to have any more close relations with them.. but i just feel that it's different when we sit together for lectures.. is it you changing? or is it me changing? without the both of us noticing it? i really don't know.. sometimes, i agree that you can't always do projects with your very close frens.. it won't be as pleasant as you want it to be..

this has nothing to do with him..
and i've woken up already..
and hopefully, i can walk forward more bravely.. :)

do a quick post before i go for my lecture.. cause i really need to blog.. busy as i may be with project deadlines, some 'idiot' is in my mind.. the things nicole and caroline tell me.. they're repeating in my head.. hang on if i think there will be progress, give up if i think there won't be any.. don't regret my decision.. since i've chosen to give up, i should move on.. i really want to do so but is it still possible? i'm really scared i'll regret my decision.. :( mood's been quite bad these days.. dun feel like talking much yet the thoughts fill my mind.. there is a thousand and one things waiting to be done yet i'm not in the mood to do so.. if not is i'm too tired, brain dead.. this can't be happening now.. especially when mid-sem is just next week!

i've got the urge to sms that 'idiot'.. even if it's a 'how are you recently?' sms.. i know that his reply will be short and simple and may hurt but at least i know it'll make me smile a little.. i know if i do that, my dears will scold me.. sometimes, i feel like an ass.. always bothering them with BGR especially when it has to do with the 'idiot'.. yet they always assure me that they won't mind cause that's what friends are for.. argh... just when i thought i could move on, the 'idiot' had to appear in front of me.. hate yet like.. maybe i really am not ready to meet the 'idiot' at all... :(

do i want things to repeat itself again?
do i still think that he'll be nice to me?
do i want to see myself crying over him?
my answer to all that is NO..
yet i'm starting to turn back..
and yet i know that if i do turn back,
my heart will break even more
and i'll cry even more... :(

i really screwed up.. i thought i could let go.. i thought i had let go.. let go completely and totally.. but judging from my reaction, i don't think so.. i saw him today and i can't believe i actually felt happy.. i can't believe that my heart skipped a beat.. i tried to ignore his presence but i couldn't.. i'm not hiding from him or avoiding him.. i'm doing what i told her.. face up and not avoid cause it'll do me no good.. but look at where my feelings are bringing me to.. i'm starting to think of him again.. does all this just mean that i didn't let go completely yet? does all this just mean that i'm still missing him? i'm screwed up..

just now as i listened to S.H.E's song, i nearly started crying.. so i changed song.. listening to it now again cause i think the song is nice but i feel like crying yet i'm holding back those tears.. partly because my sis is in the room now.. but those tears can't drop.. i can't let it flow.. can my dears please tell me what to do?

were the feelings gone at all?
or were they just hiding in a corner..
invisible till i saw you?
i feel like crying.. really..

not again...? starting to cough again.. =.= plus headaches these days.. ahh! wad's happening to me sia? can't afford to fall sick cause tests coming up, projects due.. oh man.. i hope next week not so hectic.. =X

RHRA/MER report to be done.. deadline is next week..

comm skills 2 online problem.. deadline is next week too..
and problem 2 on communication etiquette officially started this week..

PFP test this coming monday.. haven even started studying.. =X

RHRA/MER and FOI mid sem is in 2 weeks time..
haven started studying.. how nice..

FOI project not even started when the other groups have..
PFP is getting nowhere either..

so many things to do and to clear..
yet so little time..

projects, projects, projects and more projects..
holiday starts on 13 dec, friday at 4pm..
but with all these projects..
can i even have my holiday?

i need and want a break..
i want to meet up with Godma and my KC dears..
i need and want a breather..
i need my holiday..

projects and tutorials and tests
go away...
but for now, i'll jia you!
and complete whatever needs to be done by this week.. =)

i thought i would get a call from someone from church this month..
but as the month comes to an end,
i realised that maybe the position wasn't mine at all in the first place..

as such, i've stopped hoping..
stopped hoping about everything that doesn't seem realistic..
i've stopped hoping that the position is for me, just as they said..
i've stopped hoping that that person will call me soon, telling me good news,
news that i wanna hear..

instead, i tell myself that maybe it's a good thing if they decide to change their mind about giving me that position..
at least i can concentrate more on my studies.. (even though i wish i could have that position..)

but while i stopped hoping, i'll still pray..
pray that He knows what's best for me..
pray that maybe a miracle would even come true...

and while i've stopped hoping for this matter,
i've also stopped hoping for another matter..
stopped hoping that i would even see that person online..
stopped hoping that something will happen..
which will change me and him..
stopped hoping that our friendship would develop into something better..

cause all those hoping and hopes will just break my heart one day..
be it sooner or later..
and i know i won't be able to take these blows
especially him..

it all just boils down to one word:
coincidence

dark clouds.. heavy rain.. may make people feel emo.. but for me, not the case.. instead i have a smile on my face.. not happy cause it's raining.. but this rain suddenly makes me reflect on my life.. =)

life is like the weather.. sometimes sunny, sometimes rainy.. it's something that everyone must experience, whether or not you like it sunny or rainy.. in my case, i relate sunny weather to good times and rainy weather to bad times..

when it's sunny, i have my family and friends and dears to share my happiness with.. but when it's rainy, i still have them to share my sorrows and hear my complaints and lend me a listening ear..

when it's sunny, i have them to laugh and smile with me.. but when it's rainy, i still have them to cry with me..

when it's sunny, i have people who believe and trust in me and be there with me.. but when it's rainy, i still have people who continue to believe and trust in me and be there for me and with me..

these people know who they are.. they know how much they mean to me.. they know i love them lots.. they know that i appreciate all that they've done for me, even if it's just a listening ear.. and they know that i believe and trust them as well.. just like how they believe and trust in me.. and they know that i'm always here for them when they need me, 24/7, 365 days..

i'm glad to have my family, such friends and my SWEET dears with me, whether in sunny or rainy weather.. and i'm really thankful for them..

sunny or rainy weather is something everyone of us will go through and have to go through.. but no matter how long or short each rainy weather is, i truly believe that there'll always be sunshine and a rainbow after each rainy weather.. :) and i hope that if you are experiencing a rainy weather in your life, in your story now, always believe that your friend here is always here for you, always believing and trusting in you.. smile peeps! :)

thank you Lord for giving me these dears and my family..
they add smiles to my life to make it happy..
they add laughter to my life to make it lively..
most importantly, they support me in everything i do..
and they trust and believe in me..
THANK YOU LORD FOR THEM!! :)

with tests and project deadlines due before mid-sem, i really need a break.. like seriously.. i have yet to finalise the details for my christmas party!! gosh, i'd better send out an email informing the dears about it first.. get them to block off that day.. cause it's 90% confirm to be on 27th dec.. i seriously need a break.. or rather, a breather.. busy busy busy.. hectic hectic hectic.. take tmr for example, in sch from 11 to (hopefully) 4pm.. maybe will go back with hui yee.. shall see how..

anyway, today was tiring yet fun! KSCC was fun.. we all seemed rather busy today.. all 6 of us.. can't say what we were doing but yah, we were busy yet at the same time, had fun.. =) i'm starting to love the attachment more.. went home for lunch before meeting caroline.. nicole couldn't make it last minute but it's ok.. many more opportunities in future especially now when the JC ppl finish their A levels.. haha.. so yup, more meet-ups with them.. okok.. i need to slack now.. like really.. ;)

hui yee came over for dinner last night.. it was a last-minute invitation.. lol.. cause she didn't have dinner at home and i didn't want her to eat soo much outside food cause of msg so i called mum and asked if hui yee could join us.. so in the end she came over and i think she enjoyed herself.. with the yummy food (chicken rice) mum made and boy, it has been 2 years plus since my KC dears came over to my place.. and like everyone, she naturally missed my mum's cooking.. haha.. but she had a filling and yummy dinner.. and i enjoyed her company cause we talked about many things, from past to present.. and be surprised, we have endless things to talk about!! :)

was talking to some of my KC dears last night online as well.. and it suddenly struck a chord in me which made me feel that time pass real fast and i've actually known these dears for years.. and i mean, YEARS.. lol..

hui yee, tracy, sueann, samantha etc - since sec 1 till now.. 6 years and still counting..
nicole, caroline (if i never rmb wrongly), carolyn - since P6 till now.. 7 years and still counting..
li ting - since P5 till now.. 8 years and still counting..
fiona low (if i never rmb wrongly) - since P4 till now.. 9 years and still counting..
evadne and charmaine - since P1 till now.. 12 years and still counting..

these dears are the people whom i still keep in contact with.. of course there are many others and most of them, i know from KC.. those from KCP, ha, i lost contact with many except for evadne, charmaine, li ting, fiona and carolyn.. my mum even knows evadne's parents! that's how long we've known each other.. up till now i still can remember how i met each one of this dears..

a special msg to them:
you dears are the most important group of friends to me..
you all rank no. 1 and is irreplaceable..
thanks for always being there for me, lending me a listening ear and believing and trusting in me..
you girls mean so much to me..
i love you girls cause we're KCians and sisters!! <3

p.s: 10 years in a blue and white uniform.. I'm missing those days.. we're like a family that's why we're so close and they're irreplaceable in my heart.. :)

haiz... first is facebook.. now is friendster.. all friends kena deleted when they did the maintenance.. how nice.. =( just finished adding people.. sickening sia.. and now, i can only reply comments after people accept my friend request.. bleh.. =( ok, off to piano soon.. edit later..

-edit-
i seriously hope friendster can fix my problem.. =X anyway, piano just now.. wasn't that bad.. kept laughing and talking abt school stuff (i.e projects, lectures and tutorials..) and personal stuff.. both of us are hectic man.. me and my piano teacher.. and i can't believe mid-sem is coming already! super fast! another 2-3 more weeks and i'm on holiday again.. lol.. and of course, christmas is coming so yup yup, hair appointment! haha.. after mid-sem..

was telling mummy that i decided to stop taking piano already.. the first time i told her this, she suggested that i learn for the fun of it.. now that this is the second time i'm telling her this, seems like she's really gonna let me stop even though she asked me why.. but really, i've got no time to practise.. especially next year.. with CATS, church, school.. pls tell me, where can i find the time to practise.. although i think it'll be wasted and i'll miss learning new songs but yah, this way, i'm not wasting yen hui jie's time, mum's money and my time as well.. =X owells.. but i'll still play on my own for the fun of it.. haha.. learn new songs on my own.. haha... =)

today's sunday..
no sign of him..
yet i wished i saw him today..

advice given by friends:
don't bother.. not worth my time..
not worth saving the friendship..

so....
i shall not bother anymore..
and i don't wanna talk about it anymore..
leaving it behind and I'm moving on..
i've got better and more important things to do..
shan't go and be bothered..

their mouths belong to them..
what they want to deny or say, i can't control..

but if they want to see me upset..
i'm so sorry that they'll have to be disappointed..
because i'm gonna be happy and live my life happily..
because without them as friends, my life still goes on..
and so long as i've got God, my family, my KC dears..
who believe and trust in me,
I've got nothing to be afraid of.. =)

beware! long post cause I'm finally updating.. like FINALLY.. blog left dead for a week.. and within this one week, many things happened.. all related to school..

firstly, I'm sorry I changed my blog address (again).. changed so that there'll be more privacy cause this new address is only known to less than 10 ppl.. so please, respect my decision and not let the others (from TP) know.. =)

school's getting busy that I have yet to practise piano.. shit, I think I"ll get scolded again for not practising.. maybe it's time for me to talk to mum about piano again.. =X but anyway, yes.. busy busy busy.. projects have taken off.. earliest deadline is 3 Dec followed by 5 Dec.. how nice.. just before mid-sems.. but still, that doesn't stop me from meeting my KC dears after they end their A levels.. I'm like going out with them next week already! and talking about next week, my week seems packed.. and out of 5 days, I'm only going to school early on thursdays.. I either report late or start school late for the other days.. nice, rite?! slack.. haha.. things to get done this weekend is my tutorials, study for comm skills 2 and try to squeeze in some time to touch my *dusty* piano..

ok, something more personal.. I'm more or less over that barrier.. but who knows what will happen if we meet..?? but nah, i'm not going to think so far ahead.. =) as for friendships in school, long story to why the friendship is somehow broken but take it as i still want this friendship.. on my part, i'll try to save this but whether it works out or not, will also have to depend on them.. and certain things that have happened cannot be easily forgotten.. overlook their flaws? yah, i will try but it won't be easy.. (sherlyn, understand?) but i'm leaving these things behind.. next week onwards, it'll be better.. and since i'm leaving these unhappiness behind, I'm not going to dig up the past as well.. so don't bother asking me unless I wanna tell you..

ok, off to dinner.. but before i go, just something to end off that I heard it somewhere.. you are the lead in your life.. the main lead.. others are just supporting roles, be it minor or important.. so the story is yours.. and you should live life happily each day.. because of this, i'm not going to let what others say or do affect me.. =) cause I'm going to live a happy life from now on, starting from this moment..

i know you won't read this but..

thanks for adding again.. =)

your friendship still means a lot to me..

-----

everything is just screwed up in my life recently.. either that or everything has something against me..

-edited-

------

true friends don't bitch about you behind your back..
my true friends will stand by me, 24/7, 365
my true friends won't leave me to die... they'll die with me if they have to..
my true friends? they're my KC dears..
and most importantly, my loved jie.. <3

5 days a week..

will meet hui yee at least two days a week be it for lunch or just going home tgt (hui yee, see this??).. =)

-edited-

ok, i'm out of here.. and no, i'm still emotionally unstable...

I think my blog will be left dead for a period of time..


or at least until i make sure that i'm emotionally stable before it'll be revived..


i'm sorry but what you see now..
is all a pretence from me..

sherlyn dear, don't get too high during lectures and tutorials.. it's been great so far having you for lessons and lectures.. at least i don't feel so left out.. and yes, i'm enjoying school cause it's a distraction.. with you, xiao min and DJ during lectures and with you for tutorials, i'm really thinking lesser already.. *hui yee, see this? i'm thinking lesser already... lol.. *

anyway, i think i'll be listening to hui yee's advice regarding certain issues.. you know can le.. =) and we can meet for lunch on mondays, wednesdays and thursdays! just call or msg, k? i'll look for you if i need company.. haha.. i don't think my friend, sherlyn, will mind.. heehee..

from total strangers to friends to best friends to dears/dearies to hao jie mei.. i'll truly treasure these friends.. while i can have many friends and best friends, i can only have few dears and dearies cause we can clique and have topics to talk about.. but i can only have 1 hao jie mei.. she know who she is can le.. =)

ok, i'm off to shower before i start on my research for comm skills.. so badly need to complete that tonight cause it's HSM3 and dinner tmr with hui yee.. yeah! can't wait.. heehee.. =)

-edited-
I've made my choice.. I hope i don't regret.. i know i may and will feel like shit when there are encounters in church.. i know i'll be damn down and emo after each encounter but this is the only thing i can do in order not to get hurt even more.. but i really considered a lot and with her advices, i'm making this move.. i just hope i don't regret.. and i know while going through this, she'll be there to hear me out, listen to me talk.. i know she'll bring me out for dinner and dessert and try to cheer me up.. at the same time, i'll be strong.. i'll focus on my studies, together with her.. the both of us will chiong studies now.. we'll have each other as company..

a best friend is a sister God forgot to give you..
to me, she's more than a best friend..
she's my hao jie mei whom no one can replace..
and she'll be the only one..
this is my assurance to her.. =)

back from my trip yesterday but was too tired to update.. and i'm still tired.. lol.. almost couldn't wake up this morning for tutorial.. anyway, overall, the trip's great! had fun shopping, walking around and we were either eating or shopping most of the time.. let the pics show you..

*BEWARE: YOU MAY GET HUNGRY AFTER SEEING THE PICS!! lol.. =)

our lunch for day 1!! keow tiao soup.. not too bad.. yummy! =)

our gelato ice-cream at the first shopping mall.. the mall was near our hotel that we walked there and back.. lol..

our dinner! chicken rice balls at Jonkers.. It's actually those shops in the midst of a night market.. it was really packed and squeezy that i got a little irritated.. the place, however, reminded me of taipei's hua si night market..

we had wan ton mee on the 2nd day after church at Jonkers again cause the sisters wanted to get pineapple tarts.. the serving was really small that me and dad had 2 plates each.. great food once again.. and that's my drink - herbal tea.. had an after-taste but good to cool down cause the weather was real hot!

that's our dessert.. also at Jonkers.. mum, dad and my 2 older sisters had chendol while me and angel had mango ice kachang.. it's really different from Singapore.. Singapore got a lot of kachang but over there, no, it's only sweet corn and kidney beans.. and small portions so was easily gone.. the dessert really came at a good timing cause the weather was so hot that i think you can heat stroke...


that's our tea-cum-dinner.. we had satay at 4 plus.. it was like a satay buffet.. where you sat and eat until you had enough.. but no, it wasn't free.. you had to pay for the number of sticks..

try guessing the number of sticks we ate in total?? lol.. we ate a total of 115 sticks.. but the satay was good.. yum.. smelt of satay after that.. anyway, end of pics... didn't take pics for dinner on day 2 cause i forgot.. was too hungry but the serving was big! and mind you, we had western... from chicken chop to chicken thigh to lamp chop to sirloin steak.. price was rather reasonable upon conversion back to singapore dollars.. that's why it's worth to eat western in malaysia cause in singapore, it's only half the price! no pics for the last day as well cause it was home-sweet-home.. lol.. overall, really had fun!! from now till mid-semester break, there's no more holidays so let's get down to business, frens!! =)

P.S: yeah! HSM on thursday!! whee!! finally something to really cheer me up.. =)

extracted from sherlyn's blog.. "happiness is seeing marianne in sch everyday." hahahahaha..... sherlyn, i'm so touched.. really.. lol.. we don't need to make new frens le.. we go be anti-social ourselves!! haha.. but no, we must try to clique with them, ok.. haha, even though we know we're happy with just the company of each other.. lol.. to me, i'm having happiness already.. cause happiness = family, happiness = friends i love, happiness = GOD, happiness = being able to teach young kids catechism, happiness = jie who always listens to my complaints and good news, happiness = liking him even though it may one-sided... happiness = current life!! =) cheers, people! =D

p.s: i so wanna watch HSM3!! i'm into HSM these days.. cause i think zac efron is cute!! lol.. =)

headed down to thomson today just before school for a eye check.. mild eye infection... eyes too dry, dead cells(?) results in no wearing of contact lens for one week.. that is till next thursday when i go back to thomson to check again.. so i'll be in specs this week and next week.. how nice but can't be helped.. my eyes are more impt.. and yes jie, i should have listened to you.. =x called the eyewear shop just now to see if i can get my new specs on thursday instead of friday.. cause friday's a long day for me.. after school got to come back home to pack for malacca trip.. so i thought thursday would be better.. they called me back and said if they receive it tmr, i can go and collect.. i think the salesperson heard wrong day but never mind.. lol... ok, i'm sleepy.. but i can't nap otherwise tonight i'll be an owl.. O.O

bad news... at least, it's bad news to me.. went to make new specs just now after seeing my jie get hers.. design is similar to hers and it's blue! hers is blue as well but different shades.. like mine! =) however, bad news is i'm officially $100-$200 poorer (shan't state the exact cost lah..) and my degree for both eyes went up! like rocket sia! right eye increased from 650 to 750, left eye increased from 600 to 650 and astigmatism went up by 50 for both eyes.. yikes! how bad is this.. double that of my second sister! =S i've so gonna take better care of my eyes now! and good news is that the design's nice that i may consider wearing specs to school on certain days.. haha! cause i think the design's rather fashionable so heehee.. and bad news (once again) is that my eyes are super red now! all thanks to my contact lens.. i may not wear contact lens tmr to school le.. depending on my eyes.. hopefully it's just because i didn't sleep well last night that's why it's red.. owells.. anyway, from this week onwards, i'll be rather busy for the next few weeks, including weekends.. this long deepavali weekend is gone, next saturday and sunday will be in church (somehow looking forward to it...), following saturday is thanksgiving and BBQ in church! how nice! owells.. maybe it's a good thing.. =)

jie, enjoy your long long long weekend, k?! your 'stupid' mei will get you snacks from malacca.. meet up next week to pass to you.. the day we meet (which is most prob a wednesday?), i'll wear my glasses to show you!! i promise.. haha.. lol.. dun miss me, yeah? haha... -loves-

I've got to say I'm sorry.. i tried not to think so much but the more i try, it's worse.. i said i won't bother and focus on my studies now but i can't.. i really wanna know how you're doing, are you ok.. all those outings with hui yee did make me enjoy myself and cheer myself up.. it really worked but i don't deny that somewhere in my heart, i'm thinking about you.. please don't doubt that my smiles are fake.. it's real, it's coming from my heart but i'm sorry that he's affecting me now.. those thoughts.. those factors that are popping up.. they're making me think a lot again, making me consider if i should let go and give up or should i hold on to my happiness, that he's the one.. making me consider whether it's like or infatuation... blinded by the desire to be in a relationship.. but i promise, that when school starts tmr, i'll be fine.. i'll try to divert my attention to studies.. and i'll not be that emo and down but more happier cause i've got friends around me to make me stay happy.. i'm sorry but i'll be fine... =)

maybe i don't belong in your world at all...
maybe you don't belong in my world at all...
that's why I'm thinking a lot again...
I know I've got to move on and be who I am again...
but I seem to be stuck at this point..
I don't seem to be able to move on for now..

have been up since 7.15 this morning till now.. heehee.. surprisingly i could wake up for the orientation but sadly, i was a little sleepy and maybe it's been quite some time i woke up early, i started going crazy as what xiao min they all know.. super high during the break and sherlyn and me kept laughing and talking.. haha... although we're different timings for our attachment, we're glad to be in the same class.. =)

gg out later in the evening at 6 plus.. meeting dear hui yee for dinner and shopping at bugis street.. heehee.. hopefully even when school start, we can meet up once every few weeks for dinner and dessert at blk 85 or simpang bedok.. don't mind going to simpang.. geez, she'll know why.. haha.. ok, let's enjoy the last 2 days before school officially open.. and i've got no more free day but it's ok.. =)

-edited-
got home not too long ago.. tired after one whole day.. the both of us.. but we had fun at bugis.. had some heart-to-heart talk with hui yee, shopped at bugis street, chatted and laughed in the train and at bedok inter.. we didn't go home empty-handed.. hui yee bought a pair of jeans which was nice and i bought a pair of shorts, as a present from tracy (THANKS GIRL!!) and a bag, the kind which i've been looking for since last year.. so was pretty fruitful, as always! :) too tired to blog already.. nights peeps! =)

jie, thanks! thanks for hearing me out each time i got a problem.. thanks for hearing me out each time i tell you updates (you know about what lah..).. thanks for always bothering to go out with me every time i'm down because of certain reasons.. although i feel i'm not a good jie mei as you, but i know you <3 me! lol.. hope you enjoyed this holiday cause we've been meeting up! when school start on monday, we still must continue to meet up, yeah? and i'll still continue to update you.. and on mondays or wednesdays, if you wanna meet up to go home tgt or even for dinner and dessert, i'm just a call away.. jie, remember that your mei is always here for you, k?! just like how you're always here for her.. =) -loves-

haha! my dream came true! me and sherlyn really same class!! :) cool.. haha.. for the next 1 1/2 yrs, we'll be fine.. really fine and at the end of it, we'll be over-hyper! haha..

sherlyn, i'm loving you!!
hahaha... cause we're classmates once again!! :)

i'm not feeling myself today.. rather i'm not at ease.. not sure why either.. there's just this strange feeling in me.. owells... but i foresee i won't be able to fall asleep easily tonight cause timetable's being released tmr morning at 10 am.. gonna wake up early, check timetable before bombarding people's phones with calls and msgs... lol.. :)

great day today! had lots of fun with hui yee.. just loving her lots! and i made her tear a bit.. lol.. but overall, it was a great day and i think she had fun! she left me a msg last nite and again at 12 plus.. so i called her and the first thing i did was not say hello but sang her a birthday song when she answered the phone.. and she was so touched she started tearing.. haha.. she's my jie so obviously her birthday will be celebrated in a special special way.. :) so met up with her and as usual, i was early despite leaving the house late on purpose.. bused to marine parade and we walked to east coast park.. walked and chat and laughed.. headed to the bicycle rental shop where we rented a tandem after concluding that i can't ride on my own.. we had fun trying out the tandem and when we first started, i kept screaming (as usual) and she panicked as well.. lol.. but after a while, when we got used to it, we headed off to bedok jetty.. haha! i can ride a tandem ok.. and help to pedal.. so till i can ride on my own, dear frens, i can ride a tandem! haha! ok, so at bedok jetty, we started to camwhore and enjoy the nice breeze before heading back cause it looked like it was going to rain although in the end, it didn't... we got tired and we went for gelare ice-cream after returning the bike.. chat and laughed again before heading to the beach to once again, enjoy the breeze and boy! the breeze is real shiok! haha... after that we walked back to KC before taking a cab to bedok inter cause she was late..

overall, i guess be it me and her, we truly enjoyed ourselves today! had lots of fun! we're meeting again on friday for dinner and shopping at bugis.. gotta get her present and i think she'll be getting mine as well, if i'm not wrong.. haha.. and we're trying to see if after school start, whether we can meet one day for steamboat at east coast park there too! cool, looking forward.. this holiday rocks cause i kept meeting up with her almost every week and also cause she was there when i needed her and i was there when she needed me.. all this is because we're hao jie mei, best frens.. :) i won't exchange her for the world... cause she's my jie! :) once again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUI YEE!! :)

-edited-
i'm tired, having a bad headache.. i think i most prob can sleep till morning tonight.. and my heart's beating faster.. :)

since yesterday, i've been in a super good mood! shan't say why but yah.. :) and it's good to be in a good mood! haha.. anyway, today went back school for a while for some HR kelly services attachment briefing.. haha, me and sherlyn were glad that we had each other for company cause we knew no one there! imagine going to the briefing alone! yikes! haha.. really hoping that the both of us will end up in the same class and we were making logic and reasoning with the subjects and classes and stuff... there's an attachment orientation on friday morning in school.. gotta wake up at 7 plus.. meeting sherlyn at 8.30.. and knowing her, i think she'll be a little late.. haha.. rite girl? by then, i think we would have gotten our timetables already so me and her would either be damn happy cause we're in the same class or damn sad.. but i believe my dream will come true.. :) packed week ahead.. tmr is birthday celebration with hui yee, wednesday is date with angeline since there is no way we could fit everyone so we decided to meet up... just the both of us and we're going for sushi! cause i've got craving.. thursday is angel's birthday celebration and friday is HR attachment orientation.. i think it'll be fun! sherlyn, i'm looking forward to it.. i hope you are too!! if we really end up in the same class, you'll improve lots in areas like punctuality, attendance, discipline and neatness? haha.. lol.. :)

I hereby announce that I AM JIE JIE AND NOT AUNTIE.. so sad when marcus ask his son, lucas, to call me auntie.. my next reaction was 'is call jie jie lah, not auntie' before i proceeded to play with his son.. but his son is sooo cute... :) then again, all kids below primary 4 and babies are cute.. :)

I'm hooked on to chocs recently.. just started not too long ago.. currently enjoying my pack of Hersheys' kisses - milk chocolate with almonds! yum! i need to get my supply of chocs, preferably dark chocolate.. best choice for me? DARS.. :) and chocs is always able to cheer me up... :)

my half-eaten pack of Hersheys' chocolates.. haha..

my new pack of chocs!! tempting huh? haha..

that one hersheys' choc is just so small.. it's gone before you know it.. :) -loves-

hmm.. i'm starting to wonder.. ever since i changed my blog address, does anyone else other than those i told to, know about the new blog address? -thinks- anyway, yes, what am i doing at home at this time when i actually had a class outing to celebrate kelly's birthday? i'll tell you: they smsed me.. whoever that is.. they msged me.. but sadly, i didn't receive any sms from them... seriously, i tell you honestly! it's not my fault that i don't wanna go (although i admit i was still considering) but yah.. i never received any msgs frm them.. so pls tell me, how do you want me out of the house when they were at esplanade at 6.30p.m and when mum has prepared my dinner? so to conclude, this is not my fault... owells.. my next worry is do i seriously have to do comm skills with them?? -sighs-

tired.. cause i worked today... went to KCP to teach.. teach wad? teach chinese.. cool eh? haha.. and yeah! finally i see money coming in even though this may be the last time i'm getting money before the holidays end.. lol.. but nvm, that $65 earned today will be received after i start school.. so i guess it's to save.. lol.. but i still need to get things before sch start.. lol.. anyway, shan't bore you with my day.. here's the 3 pics taken yest during my dinner date with sherlyn, xiao min, DJ and angeline.. hopefully we'll be able to meet again next week.. ok girls?


that's our dessert - mud ooze.. yummy but can be quite sick of it after eating.. didn't take our soup and main course cause we were too hungry and forgot..


can u see how much the bill came up to? $102.50!! first time go out with friends can spend that much even though we split the bill evenly..


xiao min, angeline, DJ, sherlyn and me.. the peeps i was with last night for our dinner date! trying to arrange one next week for steamboat! yum! makes me all so excited!! haha.. girls, pls RSVP me ur preferred day, yeah?! :) ok, i'm hungry and tired.. out of here.. :)

wonderful evening with the girls today! had fun, went high.. i wasn't the only one that went high.. sherlyn went high too.. and i think she more high than me lor.. but one thing sad is that we didn't take many many pics.. but it's ok.. we've got plenty of chances in future! rite girls? pics that was taken will be up tmr, i guess.. lol.. if i'm not too lazy lah.. :)

anyway, had nice chats with them today as well.. from part-time jobs to the coming semester! and i'm saying this again (i know i said it many times..) but i really need to get a job next semester holiday especially when mum's gonna cut my allowance to $20 a week.. how to survive on $20? so must find a job.. giving advance notice: you peeps out there.. pls drag me to find a job next holiday, yeah?! and i'll have to start saving again when school starts so that my savings will go into the bank to pay for my monthly phone bills.. basically, i need to save and a job next semester holiday.. but before i start saving, anyone interested in going shopping with me to buy shorts and more cute t-shirts? lol.. :)

2nd topic we were talking about was our elective classes next semester.. i'm hoping that we really split class next semester.. the class we are in for our electives would be the class we'll learn comm skills with too.. that's what i'm hoping.. but we shall see when the timetable gets released next week! and if me and sherlyn are really lucky, we end up in the same class, we'll have great fun doing projects tgt.. rite? :)

and the last thing we were saying is that i ought to go and do event management since i organise outings so well.. *refers to tonite's outing with them... haha.. and the next big 'event' i'm organising is studying all our timetables, finding out common break times and days we end at the same time, if our finance lectures are the same.. that is generally.. more specific? hmm, studying whether me and sherlyn would be in the same elective class.. haha.. well, this all just boils back down to elective classes next semester.. and i said this just now and i'm saying it again: hey girls! 1st week of school, let's attend finance lectures together, yeah? and sherlyn, we attend HR lectures together, yeah if there's any.. haha.. sherlyn asked me why am i looking forward to school.. here's my answer to all of you who are wondering: cause when school starts, i can divert my attention to studying instead of spending that time thinking about other stuff.. that's why i'm looking forward to school.. but on the other hand, when school starts, sian again cause of projects.. owells.. ok, long post today.. i'm out.. night peeps.. :)

say i'm long-winded..
but i guess you girls know what i want to say..
and what i've trying and am wanting to say..

-edited-
the surprised yet somehow expected pass-by added smiles to my face today...

the greatest thing in all my life is knowing you..
the greatest thing in all my life is knowing you..
i want to know you more, i want to know you more..
the greatest thing in all my life is knowing you.. :)

as tuesday meeting is more or less confirmed with the poly friends (DJ, xiao min, sherlyn, angeline and maybe yee sin), i came to realised one thing: i've put the unhappy events that made me angry, upset and teared behind my back.. the events that made all of us, excluding sherlyn, unhappy that nearly spoiled the friendship we had with each other. they know what events i'm referring to, i guess. the KC dears whom i told to will may be know as well, that is if hmm, they even remember? i realised that i should bury the hatchet and make peace. life is so unpredictable that no one knows what will happen the next moment. instead, i'm choosing to cherish and treasure the friendships i had with these girls despite our differences in culture, religion and background, cause it is such differences that make each one of us special in our own ways, agree? haha.. life in poly is very different from life in KC.. those jokes we made and the changing of pe attire openly in the classrooms.. those were unforgettable.. the friendship made there is forever.. although i feel that although poly friends, in general, may not be as understanding in certain issues such as my religion and our views on BGR (and somehow, i realised that KC girls are able to understand the different or similar views of BGR better...), they're special in their own way.. because GOD makes everyone unique and special... :) to those 5 girls - we're finally meeting this tuesday! we haven't met during the holidays! looking forward to it and hope you are too! cya on tuesday! :)

gosh.. i realised i've got a packed week next week! i just realised that tracy's starting sch in 2 weeks' time.. which means next week is her last week of holiday and that if i want to meet up with her one more time, it'll have to be next week! which means these are the things lined up next week: date with hui yee(not sure when but i'm definitely meeting her!), confirmed dinner date with my poly peeps, outing with class peeps(which i have yet to decide whether or not to go) and my meeting with tracy if we're both able to meet! ahh!! no money liao.. looks like i've got to withdraw money next week.. depending on my cash flow after each outing.. s***... but i have to admit one thing: although this holiday i haven't been working, but my holiday is fun-filled with those outings! and now, i think i should have found a job.. drats...

-edited-
i'm angry with myself tonight for not bothering to job-hunt this holiday.. i'm angry with myself tonight for not giving that eunos job interview a try.. as a result, my wallet is about to break open widely and i'm slacking at home every day.. i'm angry with myself tonight for thinking whether or not God heard the prayers i said last night.. lastly, i'm angry with myself tonight for feeling this way.. :(

HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY TO EVERYONE! we're all young at heart no matter how old we are so we ought to celebrate children's day as well... also, we're all children of God so that's another reason to celebrate.. heehee, my sister thought of that! :) anyway, went out this afternoon, just got back home not too long ago.. unexpected meet with nicole.. rather last-minute at parkway.. met my sister back at bedok MRT to train down to city hall to get the anti-virus software for the computer and laptops at home.. after that, bused down to Furama Hotel for dinner with mum and dad... :) nice ending to a public holiday! angel's sick cause i passed her the flu bug which i had for the last few days.. she, unlike me, went to see the doctor today and got MC for tmr.. so i've got company at home tmr (but as if it makes a difference).. lol.. next week, 2 outings.. one with hui yee, which i mentioned in the last post and another with class peeps.. hmm.. still considering whether or not should meet them.. let's see how much i spend when i'm out with hui yee especially if we're heading to bugis this time round.. if i'm broke = no meeting with class peeps.. if not, yah, maybe will meet them up.. oh! i've still got dinner appointment with the poly peeps.. sherlyn, i know you're reading this.. set a date, yeah?! haha.. :) end of post.

i can't wait for 'N' levels to end...
so that that hope will come soon...
i can't wait for 'A' levels to end...
so that i can go out 'partying' with my KC dears..
i can't wait for school to start...
so that i've got something to divert my attention...
and try to keep you away from my mind...

what a day! met up with my jie aka hui yee again! just so love the times we spend together this holiday.. we've been meeting many times this holiday and every time we meet, there's always additional news about him.. :) haha.. jie, agree? i know you will.. so went to marina square and suntec.. and this girl is always giving sales people a 'hard time'... forever leh! haha.. but i won't say she's picky.. i'd rather say she's demanding.. at least she wants the best.. i mean, who doesn't..? oh, i forgot to mention we went to gelare to eat waffles! yum.. but i couldn't finish mine.. :) haha.. and ice-cream flavours and me - don't click... ): so yah, after marina, we went to suntec.. walked cotton on, carrefour and Fox.. she bought what she wanted from Fox and cotton on till she had no money and didn't meet her friend in the end.. so we ended up having dinner together.. and we took ages just to decide where to eat.. we had two choices - simpang or 85.. after much debating and side-tracking, we settled for 85.. haha.. bus and train was damn crowded sia and the both of us were hungry.. sat at 85 for more than an hour before coming home.. didn't have our dessert cause the dessert stall wasn't open.. owells.. next time we shall try our luck again! ha! will be meeting her at least two more times (i hope.. are we?) once next week to claim from her my belated birthday treat (which is very belated...) and another the following week just before school starts.. she's gotta claim from me her birthday treat/present.. most prob both.. haha.. my jie wad! it'll be worth it.. but i've yet to decide what to get her though.. and since it's her day, she'll get to choose where she wanna go and eat.. haha.. i know she'll read this so yah! hui yee, heard it? you get to choose but pls, no hawker food for ur birthday hor! see, ur mei so nice to you! not saying you not nice! we're both nice cause we're hao jie mei! haha.. owells.. tmr's wednesday, it's children's day, it's a public holiday.. but it makes no diff to me.. :)

i unknowingly woke up from my sleep just now.. the fever's gone down but the cough and leaking nose is still there.. just hope the fever don't come back otherwise everything will be spinning again.. anyway, today's the last lesson for catechism.. my 2nd class is 'promoted' le.. one year just pass so fast.. rascals they may be, angels at times, it was great fun having them teaching them.. all the funny answers they can give and the stories of their week every time they enter class.. i'm so gonna miss them lots.. although sometimes they're so naughty that you have to keep scolding and shouting at them, but really, they're my little kids.. :) thank goodness, next year P3, i'll still be in touch with them cause i'll be helping P3 out for events.. those little ones just make me smile.. :) i'll really miss them.. and i can't believe, next year is my 3rd year in the ministry already! and in the 3rd year, i'm becoming level rep.. and in the 3rd year, i've got heavier responsibility.. and in the 3rd year, i think i'll be helping out the saturday classes even more depending on the manpower of our catechists.. but just as well, get more experience and can learn more things from auntie tina.. lol.. and on a random end off, just like how those little ones make me smile, he makes me smile as well.. :) now, what did i say about writing about him here? lol.. :)

just get away from me now.. i don't wanna hear your voice for now.. my head's spinning, it's bad as it is now.. and you have to keep nagging... yes, i know i've been physically weak this year.. pls, not that i don't want to take care.. you think i like being sick? you think i enjoy going to the doctor? if i can, i'd rather not fall sick.. who likes being sick? so stop saying i need a full body check-up.. stop suaning me.. i'm feeling bad enough.. stop adding salt to my wound.. stop being like a bee, buzzing around me.. just go away for now.. i'm PMS-ing and i'm sick.. down with fever and cough.. how do you think i'm feeling? p.s: this post is not directed at him.. he has nothing to do with this post..

I believe that while God has the other half prepared for me, that He has his plans for me, i also choose to believe that happiness lies in your hands as well.. and to get that happiness, you'll have to be brave and fight for your own happiness and not be afraid of liking someone.. however, the result of fighting for your happiness may often result in a one-sided affair and falling badly and getting hurt.. since i believe that my happiness lies in my hands, i will be brave and fight for it and not be afraid of letting close friends know or resulting in an one-sided affair since there is no right or wrong in liking someone.. but the only thing i'm afraid of is to fall badly, get hurt and never dare to like or love again... this is how i'm feeling now...

while waiting to use the toilet, here's what happened yesterday during outing with the other hyper 3s... met at orchard at 4pm.. proceeded to far east and then to taka, wisma and then to cine.. took many many pics.. but i'll only post the more nicer pics.. anyway, too lazy to blog.. take a look at the pics instead then!

at Orchard MRT while waiting for ting and fiona...



slacking at Mango's changing room while waiting for ting to finish trying her pants/bermudas..


at LJS in cine for dinner.. all no money so decided to eat the cheapest set in LJS...


we even camwhored in the toilet and while walking!!


while walking to the MRT station, ting just had to snap photos of me and tracy at the background and we were not aware! the other 2 pics were taken while waiting for the train...


ting, fiona and tracy.. they are part of the KC darlings who make life for me fun, great and wonderful! they're my darlings that can never be replaced.. they're the darlings, together with a few others, who will sit next to the VIP table one day when i get married.. they are the darlings that i love a lot! p.s: i've got a few more darlings lah.. not only them.. haha.. but nevertheless, they're irreplaceable to me.. no matter how good my friendship with my current friends are now, the KC darlings come first and if one day they're in need of trouble or need a listening ear, they will take priority over everything else.. now you know how much these darlings mean to me.. :)

as for today, day out with hui yee but that girl doesn't want to take pics.. so no pics for today's outing.. had fun with her.. ate at sakae sushi.. yum yum.. window-shopped.. totally great day out with her cause we laugh at each other at the slightest thing and we joke and talk about everything.. she totally rocks and is my dearest jie! love this girl to bits.. haha.. fun day today.. :) tmr the class peeps are going ice-skating but nah, i'm not going.. have been out 6 days consecutively already (this includes church...) so i'd better not go out lest mum gets unhappy.. rather stay home and rest.. haha.. and save that money.. lol... :)

maybe some day...
when you become my close friend...
a friend i tell everything to...
maybe you'll take priority as well...

meeting tracy, fiona and ting later at orchard.. suddenly feeling sian.. maybe cause of the unexpected 'meet' yesterday evening.. but then again, i'm being in a happy mood.. cause of the things i've read on the fan club website.. the posts by the friends just made me smile and laugh.. can tell that he's a nice guy.. and i've decided to stop writing things about him on my blog.. instead, it'll all be written in my diary and told to some of my darlings.. but it's hard to not mention him but i'll try.. i promise i would.. and i'll keep myself in a good mood this week.. suddenly feeling very greedy, as in not hungry that kind of greed but after seeing and talking to him, i just wanna see him more and talk to him more.. but i know i can't cause of certain reasons so i'll hang in there.. but at the same time, take hui yee's advice and take control of my feelings.. i'll let nature take its course and yah, to be frens with him is more than what i'm asking for now.. cause like what hui yee said, it's still early.. owells.. ok, shan't be depressing now.. off to shower soon and watch my video before i go out.. :)

the encounters i have of you...
may be insignificant...
but they will be written somewhere else...
somewhere more private...
somewhere more close to my heart...

got back from lunch not too long ago.. met angeline for lunch at pizza hut, TM.. was rather last-minute.. thank goodness she called me at 11 am if not i would have slept till dunno wad time.. lunched, chatted and shopped.. we were looking for the 2009 planner but couldn't find it.. i wanna get one during this hol.. if not, when school reopen and during the dec break, all planners would have been sold out already.. bought quite a number of things - 2 hairbands, a diary, a card holder.. drank my pure vanilla blended from coffee bean.. and here's a note of thanks to her: thanks for the lunch treat! i feel so bad.. :)

talked to her about many things.. was nice catching up with her.. tmr's evening out with fiona, ting and tracy! meeting the other 3 hypers again after our last meet in... june? haha.. looking forward to it.. bet it'll be fun and we can all laugh at fiona.. haha... and i should go out and not stay home and think too much.. lol.. fun week ahead with all those bonding.. just loving it.. :) -edited-

i'm starting to think of you again...

got home at 8pm.. tired after one whole day in church, helping my sister with FHC.. my mood currently is good.. not too bad.. at least i'm smiling.. i seriously have no idea what was wrong with me the last 2 days lah.. you'll see why soon.. this morning, i had this scared feeling of seeing him.. i was just scared cause i didn't know how i would be if i saw him thus, i didn't want to see him at all.. went to church, busied myself.. running to and fro, putting up decorations with auntie evelyn's 2 girls, sarah and nicole.. her girls were helpful and sweet.. after that, went to verbist hall, walked down to church foyer and then to church main entrance.. the main door was open and i was standing with steph.. the next thing i knew was steph said hi to angel's fren, told me something and then she said hi to him.. and unknowingly, i was standing next to him.. of course it was for a few seconds cause he was busy getting ready for mass and stuff.. was very warm so i stood inside the church to enjoy the air-con and he was there too.. after that mass started and he was standing diagonally facing me...

ok, how did i feel? at first, not much feelings cause i really was busy and looking after my ex-class, my mind was not on him.. at that point in time, i wasn't exactly happy nor was i sad.. more of neutral.. after mass, i started talking to nicole and yah, she felt that i'm forcing this happiness out of me.. but honestly speaking, although i only saw him during mass, i was happy already.. at least seeing him now makes me smile and be happy and not sad whenever i see him.. maybe cause i expected it.. that's why.. i'm wanting to talk to hui yee but that girl is just not answering her phone.. dunno whether she still working but so late le.. owells.. in conclusion, although there's still that tinge of mixed feelings, i'm happy i saw him today.. even though we just smiled and stood next to each other, not saying a word.. :) p.s: my mood swings are scary the last few days.. hopefully i'll be in a happy mood this week...

i hope every time i see you..
it'll be a happy feeling
and not a sad one..

my mood hasn't been exactly that good up till now.. was rather moody this morning when i woke up for piano.. was already late.. came back home, watched 命中注定我爱你, lunched and went back to my bed.. didn't sleep of course.. was listening to song and reading past smses.. and i suddenly started tearing.. it wasn't those tears that flowed like a river.. but they were tears that flowed slowly.. i thought my problem would been solved before nicole but now, that's not the case.. was just feeling down and needed a talk.. but sadly, no one was online to talk to me.. wanted to talk to ben but nah, he wasn't online.. so i watched my videos and i am still watching.. what i couldn't believe myself was that i was tearing.. i'm so not sure of my feelings.. they're just confused.. this just so isn't marianne.. but fact is, i did tear.. because of him? i don't know.. maybe i guess.. yet i had no idea why i was tearing for him? like what i said, i can't smile yet i don't feel that sad.. someone help me... meeting hui yee for dinner.. we still can't decide on a place.. town or simpang.. honestly speaking i don't mind simpang but if i were to bump into him by coincidence, i'd have no idea how i'd react.. maybe what nicole told me was true.. maybe it's best that i don't meet him.. i'm just not myself today.. and although i'm prepared to see him tmr, i'm now hoping my gut feeling is wrong.. that he won't be there tmr.. otherwise, i think i'll break down again tmr nite.. maybe you would think i'm over-reacting and that it's a one-sided thing, yes i don't deny.. maybe i am over-reacting and it is a one-sided thing for now.. but i can't control.. as quoted by nicole, i never know what will happen today, tmr and the days to come.. maybe after his exams, he'll come back for me, wanting to be friends.. i never know but i don't wanna think too much now.. what i rather want is to know whether or not i should still hold on cause the consequence is something i may not want...

my heart is in pain...
the tears just keep flowing...
do you know exactly how i am feeling?

i saw someone i didn't expect to see today.. i wasn't prepared in seeing him today but i did.. happy feelings soon turned the other way round.. felt emo, sad and lost.. have no idea why either.. hui yee thinks i'm putting too much hope in this and i'm seeing him as a potential bf.. nicole thinks i'm thinking too much and she advised that what's mine will be mine and she'll walk through this time with me now that i've spent her rough times with her and her fairytale can now continue happily.. caroline says that because it's unexpected, it's a coincidence, God decided that we should meet... and i think that i do agree with nicole and hui yee that i am putting too much hope in him, i am thinking too much (again) and that i'm indeed seeing him as a potential bf.. this feeling for him is a different feeling from my eye candies yet is not the same as crushes.. more than an eye candy but not yet a crush.. however, they feel it is a crush already, no more an eye candy.. i don't know how i'm feeling now and why i'm feeling this way.. can't bring myself to smile and yet i don't feel that sad.. caught in between the feelings of being happy and sad.. my post doesn't seem to make sense, does it? just let me rabble on here, will you? owells.. someone, do me a favour, help me get those logical reasonings into my stupid head..

even though this meet came unexpectedly,
i'm prepared to see you on sunday..
but like what she said,
the feeling of being prepared,
and the feeling of really seeing you...
is very very different..
can i accept that difference in feelings??

whee!! i'm back from my one-day break of blogging.. haha.. update about my toe: it's still red as though it's bleeding continuously and it seems wet.. think got pus and it looks it's rotting.. ok, i'll stop the grossness.. but i think it's ok.. still a little pain whenever i accidentally hit it.. gosh, tell me, how to wear heels on sunday? mum said better for me to wear open-toed shoes.. but my heels are somehow either closed toe or too high! argh.. shall see how lah.. taking my vitamin C and applying zambuk to it.. i finally completed the craftwork for tmr! tmr's the big big big day! the day we've all been preparing since the start of the year.. the attachees have been notified.. reporting time for me tmr is 4pm.. till i dunno wad time.. so i doubt i'll be able to come online tmr nite.. owells, once this is over, we all can take a month or so break before we slowly start getting ideas for next year and i'll have a heavier position next year.. stress! lol... on another note, i was supposed to go in and teach today.. mum offered to let me go in instead but my toe? and i didn't want to make it worse before tmr.. so i declined.. let mum go in instead.. and i can't wear slipper or sandals to teach.. so yah.. anyway, remembered i said i was going to post the pics taken at the chalet? FYI, all pics have me with my fellow classmates.. and these pics were taken with my phone.. so quality may not be that good.. but nevertheless, enjoy!


that's gen, one of my HR member! and boy, she's real talented!


this is ben, the guy who taught me how to cycle but end up hurting myself.. he's a nice guy..


kai hui.. 2/3 of my clique is here.. kelly didn't come for BBQ.. :( if not could have a clique photo..


serene! nice girl.. and the guys esp. melvin like to bully her during finance tutorial cause they say she take down answers very slow..


and lastly, yong sing, year 1 classmate and 2B01's class rep... what a dumb facial expression.. known him for 1 1/2 years now.. doesn't seem that long, huh?

there is still a few more pics.. will upload them when kai hui sends me the pics! ok, out of here now.. toodles.. :)

-edited-
maybe cause i've forced myself not to think too much about you.. i no longer think so much of you anymore.. or whenever i think of you unknowingly, it's easy to get you out of my mind and not feel that emo anymore.. that must be the case, i guess.. but i know for sure is that those days which i spent with my class peeps at the chalet, i didn't think so much about you...

finally decide to blog.. haha.. was back home at 10 plus.. dad came to pick me up cause my slipper broke and i cut my toe.. so i couldn't go back on my own even if i stayed over. so called dad up to pick me.. but i was there rather early? was there at abt 12.30.. waited for melvin and yong sing to help carry the chicken wings and then we headed back to the chalet.. melvin was so nice that he accompanied me as i walk while he cycled... haha.. the guys in my class are always so nice.. you'll know why soon.. so slacked with them, lunched and then more slacking.. had a girls' talk with gen, kai hui, aisyah and amy while the guys went to swim.. they came back an hour later, chatted a while more and laughed and then we were off to start the bbq! helped to cook and did the minor errands.. let the guys take over after that while i just sat and talk to kai hui.. talk talk talk, camwhore camwhore camwhore.. she saw desheng's bike at the entrance of the chalet and wanted to cycle.. so i accompanied her with shaun and ben came out after that with his own bike.. so shaun taught kai hui and ben taught me.. haha.. while learning, i managed to cycle with ben holding onto the bike and poor him, i kept screaming while he kept asking me to look straight... but he quite got patience though.. lol.. after that i tried again and again and he stood on my left to catch me if i fall.. in the end, i did fall and cut my toe and slipper broke cause he didn't manage to catch me in time.. not his fault though.. haha.. so went back to the chalet to clean up and those at the chalet were like, omg, marianne, wad happen to your toe?? our finance tutor was there too btw.. so ben washed and cleaned my wound for me.. so nice of him rite? now you know why i say my class guys are so sweet and nice.. i'll miss having lessons with them.. even though me, ben, shaun and melvin doing the same electives.. and hopefully, we'll end up in the same class then at least still can study with them.. :) owells.. wonderful and precious memories of them, of 2B01.. i'll miss the times i had with them.. all i can hope for is be in the same class as those 3 guys! if according to what melvin said is true.. :) anyway, pics up tmr or some other time.. tired now.. off to bed soon.. good night peeps..

back from chalet not too long ago.. showered, sorted some matters with mum and now i'm here.. i eventually decided to go and keep yong sing and desheng company this afternoon since i was so bored at home.. melvin was there when i reached.. but i was talking to nicole for a while before i met them.. and yong sing is so nice to give me directions on how to get there.. thanks dude! p.s: i think we're better friends than before... :) so played cards with them for an hour or so and they kept 'bullying' me.. hell them but they're fun to be with.. keely and kai hui came and we continued slacking and playing cards till shaun and fellicia finally came before going for dinner.. had macs and was smsing nicole and stuff.. headed to ehub's NTUC to get snacks and drinks before they went back to the chalet while i came back home.. and what touched me tonight was 2 guys actually insisted that i go back early cause it was late and i was going back alone and that i sms them when i reached home.. so sweet, rite? ok, it may not mean much but still, someone actually said that to me when i'm the one saying it to people most of the time.. especially when someone sends me home.. owells.. will be going down earlier tmr? shall wake up early, shower, watch tv and once the chicken wings are done marinating (credits given to mum), i'm out of the house and will be home rather late tmr nite.. dun think i'll leave there early but yah.. my worries were unnecessary.. lol.. owells.. think i'll be damn tired by tmr nite.. wed got to get some church stuff done, thursday get a good rest at home, friday busy day cause busy event.. lol.. what a fun-filled week!! :) good, i can get tire out and fall asleep easily and not think of him...

i'm super duper tired.. once my hair dries, i'm off to bed.. have been awake since 7.30a.m this morning till now.. church in the morning.. will confirm stay on in primary 2 next year and i think it's confirmed that i'll be level rep next year as well? that's what auntie nancy said when auntie evelyn asked if we could all move up to primary 3 with the class.. but one reason why i'm not moving cause pat is there.. i'd rather stay in primary 2 than move to primary 3 cause we won't get along.. and primary 2 is short of catechists.. haha..

after church was outing with nicole... headed down to bugis, lunched, walked from bugis to haji lane to arab street to lavender, bused to city hall, walked from city hall to marina square to suntec city before going home.. took some pictures but will only get them after nicole completes her A levels in one month's time? so be patient.. haha.. i'll upload pics for you all but not now, i guess... was tired so i slept for a while in the train.. reached home not 10 mins and i was out for dinner.. hui yee smsed and asked to see if me and nicole wanted to meet her for dinner at simpang.. but we didn't meet in the end.. if she smsed earlier, i would have agreed... haha... now i'm deciding whether or not to go for chalet day 1 tmr.. a bit lazy but i don't wanna go for neighbourhood mass sia.. but even then, i'll go but won't stay over.. cause if i stay, i got to go home on tuesday to pick up the chicken wings.. so no point.. might as well go home.. 2nd day also most prob go home bah after the bbq.. won't be too late though.. gotta come home and slowly start preparing for friday's event and complete my theory homework for piano.. i can only say busy week ahead..

anyway, on another note, i didn't see him today.. good and bad thing, i feel.. good cause at least i won't have negative feelings.. bad cause i somehow wished i saw him.. but like what i told nicole, i never see him doesn't mean he didn't see me.. of course, provided that he was in church lah.. lol.. owells.. i dunno.. i just saw his pic on J's friendster.. i somehow wanted to talk to him.. but nope, marianne shall restrain herself! lol.. nicole dropped hint to me.. i hope he'll keep his word.. not sure if friday night i'll see him.. it'll all depends.. even then, if he's in church helping with 1st recon, i'll be busy so may not get to talk to him or see him even if he does see me.. and i think he may help out at FHC?? somehow, i hope he do.. i'm contradicting myself, ain't i? haha.. lol.. i dunno lah.. confused.. blur.. unsure.. i hope we won't play hide-and-seek with each other if he's in church on friday and sunday.. :)

although my msn says...
let's play hide-and-seek...
i don't wanna play with you..
at all...