do a quick post before i go for my lecture.. cause i really need to blog.. busy as i may be with project deadlines, some 'idiot' is in my mind.. the things nicole and caroline tell me.. they're repeating in my head.. hang on if i think there will be progress, give up if i think there won't be any.. don't regret my decision.. since i've chosen to give up, i should move on.. i really want to do so but is it still possible? i'm really scared i'll regret my decision.. :( mood's been quite bad these days.. dun feel like talking much yet the thoughts fill my mind.. there is a thousand and one things waiting to be done yet i'm not in the mood to do so.. if not is i'm too tired, brain dead.. this can't be happening now.. especially when mid-sem is just next week!

i've got the urge to sms that 'idiot'.. even if it's a 'how are you recently?' sms.. i know that his reply will be short and simple and may hurt but at least i know it'll make me smile a little.. i know if i do that, my dears will scold me.. sometimes, i feel like an ass.. always bothering them with BGR especially when it has to do with the 'idiot'.. yet they always assure me that they won't mind cause that's what friends are for.. argh... just when i thought i could move on, the 'idiot' had to appear in front of me.. hate yet like.. maybe i really am not ready to meet the 'idiot' at all... :(

do i want things to repeat itself again?
do i still think that he'll be nice to me?
do i want to see myself crying over him?
my answer to all that is NO..
yet i'm starting to turn back..
and yet i know that if i do turn back,
my heart will break even more
and i'll cry even more... :(