i thought i would get a call from someone from church this month..
but as the month comes to an end,
i realised that maybe the position wasn't mine at all in the first place..

as such, i've stopped hoping..
stopped hoping about everything that doesn't seem realistic..
i've stopped hoping that the position is for me, just as they said..
i've stopped hoping that that person will call me soon, telling me good news,
news that i wanna hear..

instead, i tell myself that maybe it's a good thing if they decide to change their mind about giving me that position..
at least i can concentrate more on my studies.. (even though i wish i could have that position..)

but while i stopped hoping, i'll still pray..
pray that He knows what's best for me..
pray that maybe a miracle would even come true...

and while i've stopped hoping for this matter,
i've also stopped hoping for another matter..
stopped hoping that i would even see that person online..
stopped hoping that something will happen..
which will change me and him..
stopped hoping that our friendship would develop into something better..

cause all those hoping and hopes will just break my heart one day..
be it sooner or later..
and i know i won't be able to take these blows
especially him..

it all just boils down to one word:
coincidence