life still continues... we all know we must continue living our lives but it's so hard to stay strong and to let go.. i feel sad.. not for myself but for my cousin and my uncle.. just feel sad for them and it's a feeling that seems so hard to explain.. but no matter wad, we will all try to stay strong and give them support and continue living our lives even as our lives are no longer the same as before..

just realised that the 2 people i dun fancy seeing is teaching the same level as me.. before knowing this, i was just trying to convince myself that even though my aunt is no longer around, i still can attend catechism meetings without her, and attend it alone.. but now that i know the 2 people i dun fancy seeing is teaching the same level as me, it would only mean that i would see them during catechism meetings.. and this has made me lose the strength to attend catechism meetings on my own.. it's just that i have to attend meetings on my own now and my aunt is no more around to take care of me, to explain to me some things after meetings if i dun understand and to send me home after meetings.. it's just me alone.. and i'm finding it so difficult to face some people now especially people who doesn't know about my aunt and i'm not close to.. but i tink it all takes time.. just a matter of time..

i will never forget the day i posted my previous post.. 22nd dec.. i actually didn't want to blog about this but i realised that if i dun, i may just break down.. i lost my aunt that evening.. the aunt that my family was very close to.. the aunt that i was looking forward to going for catechist meetings with.. the aunt who looked after me abt a week ago when my family went to malaysia.. i lost her that evening.. and it'll be forever.. i missed her lots.. the last time i saw her was during the 2nd sunday of advent.. and that was it.. i will never see her again or hear her voice again.. but she will alwaes be in my heart.. broke down totally today but i had cousins with me to keep me company and console me.. if it wasn't for them, i wouldn't know wad i'll do..

i would like to thank all my frens who offered their condolences to me especially these people:
1. thanks TRACY for listening to me feeling upset and helping to update me with wan yu and shao nian.. thx lotsa..
2. thx to my dear GODMA for being there for me when i cried at her place on sundae morning and today again in church..
3. thx to CLARE who helped to comfort and console me in church on christmas dae when i cried at the tot of not being able to spend christmas with my auntie anymore..
and lastly,
4. thx to MICHAEL.. u've been a great fren and a great godbro the last few daes.. really appreciate it lots.. P.S i've read ur blog.. really thx... if u and ur family wasn't there for me and my family, i wun know wad to do..

really grateful to all others who helped me in a way or another.. will try to stay strong..

i read my fren's tagboard just now and.. i realised how a person could have grown up over the years.. (not saying 56 but frens...) this fren i've known since young and he's rather introvert?? and very studious.. so when i knew he was in a relationship i was actually quite shocked but a few mths back i found out another news frm another fren.. and i'm glad he's taking things easy as in looking a bit on the bright side..

wad surprises me is that although we're in the 21st century and wadnot, there are ppl who can't take breakups easily and freely even if it's a one-year together thing.. and usually the gals will make a big hoo-ha over it but in my fren's case, it was a rather mutual break up i guess according to wad i heard and wad i saw on his blog.. and yes, although it may be a little torturing but at least u come face to face with reality.. and that's a good thing.. ok, i tink i'm talking a bit of sense but nevertheless, i hope he wun be too sad and enjoy and get over the pain of losing her during this christmas season cause there are still ppl who care about him and want him to be happy so nvm if he doesn't see this post but it's the tot that counts..

christmas is less than a week.. gosh.. get to open the many presents received again although every year, the amount of presents received seems to be lesser... :S but nevertheless... it's christmas and i get to wear my grad dress again!! haha... supposed to go shopping with tracy todae at vivo but the rain spoilt my mood yesterdae so decided not to go out but today was oh so bright and sunny but instead of going to vivo with tracy, i went to TM on my own to get some christmas presents and i've gotten almost everyone's one.. well.. except for one or two more presents but nevertheless, better than nth.. just need to do the wrapping tonite and tmr when my sis comes back with the christmas wrappers..

last weekend was ok except a little lonely due to the fact that my parents and sisters went to KL and i din go so was left alone home.. wasn't quite exactly used to it but was ok.. so yah and of course, they bought things back for me.. so sweet of them though!! haha.. owells.. my house and room is newly painted.. the living room doesn't seem much of a diff to me but the rooms have all got new colours.. parents' room is light blue, mine is lime green and sisters' room is dark blue.. so yah.. seems to blend into the colour of longvale's buildings.. haha.. owells.. christmas party's on the 26th and having some frens over.. hopefully we'll all have a great time..

I WANT THE 2007 J-STAR CALENDAR!!! it's quite nice leh... hopefully i can get it end of this year in sg... and i'm starting to miss zhi and fu.. didn't go and send them off at the airport todae.. owells... sad sad.. i'm getting sick and tired and fed up with my work life...

things never seem to go smoothly for me ever since 26th nov... wadeva that happened, it was all past.. i'm really really tired.. mayb not physically but mentally... after 'o' levels ended, i never seemed to have gotten a good rest as in stay at home and chill out... instead, although i did stay at home, but i was kept busying worrying abt my graduation dress and when i can start work.. but now that i've been offered a job, i dun feel like working and i really mean it.. mayb i didn't notice how exhausted i was mentally when these job offers came knocking on my door.. but now i know.. I JUST DUN FEEL LIKE WORKING AT ALL... just wanna stay home and chill out.. watch my tv, listen to music, read my book, do some occasionally exercise and also occasionally catching up with frens.. but i see everyone so enthusiastic abt their new chapter of their life after o levels.. as for job wise, i'll really turn down all job offer and stay at home and chill out and get recharged and see if i still wanna get a job in jan if it isn't too late... if not, i guess i'll just stay home.. but now, all job offers will have to sae gd-bye to me.. afterall, i'm not in the urgent need of money so i think it's ok.. but the problem only lies with my family members esp. my mum...owells.. no matter wad, life still goes on... and i can only live my day as it passes...

i will not stop worrying till wednesdae evening.. just feel so insecure and hopefully i dun receive any letter from the lawyer of XXX company.... just want wednesdae to faster come and go so that i can set my mind and heart at ease....

just had a nagging frm the parents.. abt my job.. here it goes again: told my boss that i wanted todae as my last dae instead of wednesdae.. and i am willing to compensate them if necessary.. so my boss said ok, next week i dun have to go in.. [partly because i'm not willing to work...]. den my dad said one whole load of crap that i din understand.. and they dun seem to get the pt that i was the one who proposed to the company that i wanted to end my work todae.. and dat i am willing to compensate them.. so i dun see why they must nag and lecture over such stuff.. haiz.. long story lah.. wadeva it is, if it is necessary, i WILL compensate the company with my own money.. so yah.. at the most, i'll just sacrifice my good food and things that i wanna buy that's all.. feeling so stressed up again...

anywae, better blog this lest i 4get..
zhi and fu's flight:
arrival departure
sun, 10 dec mon, 11 dec
12 noon 1.10p.m
BR225 BR226
P.S: TRACY!! 56'S FLIGHT EVERYTHING ON MY BLOG.. DUN SAE I NV TELL YOU!! haha...

short update: i quit my job after working there for 1 day.. just didn't like the job and mayb realised that admin isn't a suitable job for me.. haha.. so i tendered my resignation letter on 2nd day and today, i asked if instead of working till wednesdae, can i compensate the company then.. and in return, my HR said that i could leave and dun go back next week since i didn't want to do it.. so i said ok.. so todae was my last dae but i've got one problem.. my mum thinks that i'm working till wednesdae so from mon to wed next week, whr can i go in the morning?? told my auntie about it so i think chances are i'm going over to her place and will be there till.... evening 5 plus?? den at the most, when i get home and if my mum ask why i so early, den i'll just say cause i finish my work early.. lame excuse but wadeva.. and i just sent an apology letter to my HR.. thank goodness they didn't sae anything about sueing me cause i didn't want to work till wednesdae but i still did my job of doing data entry for them and did a neat work, k.. and yes, i'm sorry for leaving early but wad can i do since i've got no interest?? owells.. anywae, XIEZHI AND RENFU COMING TO S'PORE NEXT WEEK!!!! YEAH!! FOR STAR AWARDS.. DAMN HAPPY.. FINALLY GET TO SEE THE TWO OF THEM AGAIN ESPECIALLY ZHI.. tracy wants to ying jie them but because they come on sun, i can't go so i'll most likely send them off with tracy bah?? who knows.. afterall, i'm officially jobless again and to my family members, i'm officially jobless on thurs.. owells..

things have been rather down for me the last 2, 3 daes.. started on sundae.. owells, shan't go into detail.. see no point in letting those whom i dun wanna know know about such things.. mayb a few of my frens have known wad i'm talking about, but if u dun't.. it's ok.. anywae, graduation lunch was yesterdae.. hmm.. was quite ok lah.. not too bad.. took quite a lot of photos but may not consider a lot as compared to others.. owells.. it's just sad that 4 years have come and go in a wink.. many friendships have been made but whether or not, these friendships will ever last, no one knows but i know out of all the friendships i've made, the friendship i have with another 56 fan will last.. (i hope u know who u are... haha.. ) i expected myself and many others to cry yesterdae but hey, the atmosphere wasn't touchin enough so, yup, no tears came from me.. haha.. many things may not have gone our way thru out this 4 years and we all may had our share of fights and smiles but one thing for sure is, we all had wonderful and beautiful memories in KC.. so even as we leave KC, stepping one last time into the school when we receive our results next year, these memories will be with us till the end of time.. ok.. getting a bit emotional here.. dunno why also but been feeling rather blue so mayb that's one of the reasons..

anywae, i've found a job and i am starting work tmr!! yipee!! after so long.. haha.. working somewhr near singapore expo so will have to take the train to work.. although i'm looking forward to it, but afterall, it's a new environment for me so no doubt, i'll be a little scared and nervous.. owells.. but overall, life's been ok for me despite the ups and downs.. haha.. till my next post, see ya..
P.S i'll try to live my life happy each dae.. i promise i'll try..

i'm "happy" to know that i'm out of job again... how great.. i'm not blaming anyone or the agency but.. haiz.. i woke up happily yesterdae morning to know that i've got another job offer.. but then, i called the agency up just now, to only know that the (stupid) company doesn't want me cause i can't start work on mondae.. all thanks to the stupid graduation lunch!! now, i've to spend another at least 1 week waiting for another job offer.. how nice.. argh!! can someone pls tell me wad am i going to do while waiting for a job?? i can't possibly go out everydae but neither can i stay at home everydae.. this is so sickening.. rather upset now but.. just hoping that i'll get a job soon otherwise, i'm sure to die of boredem by the end of this month... shld have gotten my AQMFS DVD den at least gt show to watch.. -.- owells.. and tracy wants me to blog about this.. rmb the other dae i blogged abt gg to bugis? well, at bugis, tracy lost her wallet at bugis macs and thank goodness, we found it.. haha.. TRACY, HAPPY?? haha.. oh, and renfu's back on wan yu.. :)

yo!! haha.. firstly, congrats to fu for having a chubby baby girl!! he got his wish.. haha.. he and qin will be good parents, for sure.. haha.. anywae, purpose of blogging is not this.. haha... went out with tracy and hui yee todae after sch.. met hui yee at bugis with tracy after tampines.. den we shopped and walked till close to 5 den left bugis after gg to bugis village and somewhr near purvis street.. supposed to go for interview but decided not to after seeing the number of people waiting to be interviewed so we left after walking for so long and almost losing our wae.. den on our way to the building whr the interview was held(which by the way, was some sort rather ulu..), we passed this sort of construction site and the 3 of us were walking when we heard 2 cats fighting inside.. thinking that the cats would run out of some hole that actually couldn't be found, me, tracy and hui yee just started screaming and ran on the side of the road.. haha.. but hey, luckily we weren't in sch uniform lor.. haha... but our main purpose was to shop for our graduation lunch clothes.. and when is our grad lunch?? next mon.. -.- owells.. anywae, my letter got read out on yes 933 and is the first letter somemore!! so happy.. jia hui played 56's song although i really wanted 183's song.. but nevertheless, it's dear's song.. so yah.. haha.. owells.. ok, enough of my crappiness.. haha..

wanted to type in chinese but 4get it.. i dun have the chinese programme.. haha.. owells.. gg out this week.. basically it's tues and either thurs or fri.. go k box.. haha.. anxiously wanting to know if qin give birth alr.. and whether renfu has officially become a dad yet.. haha.. owells.. will have to watch wan yu tmr den will know.. short post.. haha..

watched wan yu last nite as usual but was especially happy.. renfu finally faced the media abt him, ji qin and their little baby.. after all those mths of speculation by the media and fans, he really stood out yesterdae to address this matter.. yes, he shared his feelings abt it and he's excited abt being a dad and of course, he did apologise to the media.. not because he hid the truth from them but because as a public figure not only in taiwan but also overseas, he actually had pre-marital sex which was WRONG!! so yah.. of course, i think with rgds to this matter, i believe 56 and j-star knew about this and they also helped renfu to cover up.. renfu did mention that if it was necessary, he would leave 56, to ease the tension btw them and the media.. well, i guess that even if he wants to leave, zhi and the other members wun let him leave.. afterall, 56 now is 4 ppl.. if he leave, shaowei's busy with 183, 56 will only be left with... 2 members.. so i dun think this is the end of 56.. there'll be more to come.. 56 and the other xiao shi di mei men of j-star also offered their blessings not only to the xiao baby, but also to fu and ji qin.. hopefully they get married some time next year.. wish them all the best.. haha.. owells.. i think when the time comes, fu and ji qin will get married but whether or not, there'll be exclusive shots of the birth of their baby and their wedding, i'm not too sure.. of course i'm hoping but one thing i know is fu will invite sun zong and 56 to his wedding.. haha.. can't wait to share in his and ji qin's hoy in being promoted to becoming parents.. i think tracy dun have to worry about them now bah.. haha...

i'm in a freaking bad mood now.. or rather i'm rather moody.. i lost my calculator.. my calculator that's been with me for close to 4 years!! oh man.. frens sae it's not in school or they didn't take it.. i can't find it at home.. den whr can it be?? haiz.. how nice!! i can't do my maths now.. :( owells.. went shopping todae for my items.. was back at home within an hr.. got my bag!! finally.. after all those mths since august abt wanting to get a big bag for poly next year and for catechism.. and of course, a big bag that can put my things in when i work part time.. haha.. and gotten some other stuff as well.. it's my last week of the o levels!! gonna fight it out and study real hard.. for all u know, this may be the last time i'm studying till next year.. haha.. papers went rather smoothly.. at least for all though.. shan't go into detail but i've gt confidence of getting at least an A now!! haha.. ask me and i'll tell u the subject.. haha.. went for a job interview last tuesdae at Recruit Express.. applied for general admin and bank admin.. quite interested in bank admin and is waiting for a reply from them.. as for the general admin, got a reply alr.. but can only start work in dec whereas the bank admin can start work next fridae if everything goes smoothly.. so will call them up on mondae b4 giving a reply to the general admin.. just for ur info, the bank admin one is either at Raffles Place or Lavender!! haha.. so yah, hopefully i get the bank admin job.. owells.. i'm missing my calculator.. nth seems rite without it..

my pissed level is relatively high now.. all thanks to ming dao.. like shit him lah!! went to the j-star forum to check some things out and ha, i saw this forum about him entering shao nian as one of the permanent host like mayi.. and he may be taking over renfu's place because of some problems.. like helloz?? shao nian was produced because of 56 and now, here comes ming dao 'intruding' the host grp.. he's wad? wanna take over 56's place issit? or wanna be j-star's yi ge? da shi xiong? i eamn he's so damn irritating lah.. if i ever see him in person, i'll tell him that he stands no chance in taking over xiezhi, renfu and shaowei's place as da shi xiong, er shi xiong and san shi xiong in j-star.. he stands no chance!! so wad if 183 is more popular than 56 in china?? i dun think that gives him a reason to be so proud and arrogant lah.. i just can't stand him.. if it wasn't for shaowei, i wun even bother to listen to 183 songs.. 56 fans watch shao nian because we wanna see 56.. shao nian is the only show that allows us to see 56 often on tv.. and now, here comes ming dao who may take over renfu's place in the show and may kick fu out of the hosting grp and wad happens after that? we wanna watch the 4 of them.. all 56 members.. it seems 56's fans are rather angry over this.. i have no idea wad to say but if that bastard does enter the hosting grp permanently, chances of me watching will cut down alot.. because the hosting grp is not complete.. hopefully none of this is true.. and and and and!!! zhi got injured while filming his show in china.. :( although he is now back in taiwan, i still hope he recovers soon.. i just wanna know he's fine and i'll be glad.. really...

decided to do some blogging or rather some reflections over the past 2 weeks of my life.. it seems people are blogging lesser mayb except for some frens of mine.. owells.. afterall this is the exam period for some.. or rather, not for the sec 4s yet.. lesser people are turning up for school nowadaes.. every one seems to be skipping school just to study at home.. and everyday, people ask me" marianne, are you coming tmr??" and my reply is " yes".. reason? simple, my mum wun let me skip school even if my dad allows.. you see.. the problem simply lies with my parents and then frens will start asking me why i nv ever ask.. because i know wad their answer will be.. a very sraight-forward NO.. so why do i ever bother asking when i even know the answer already? but then again, mayb it's a good thing to be present for lessons although nt much of teaching comes about these daes in school.. well, at least questions can be asked on the spot and work can be done rather than i stay at home and know that i'm not going to get anything done at all.. at least the teachers in school make me get some work done.. and also, teachers may even offer help and suggestions on how to study smart.. so yah, mayb it's not a bad thing on going to school even if my frens are not around.. at least i can concentrate better and focus better?? but i know i'm just lying to myself..
my sis asked me about my L1R5 for my prelims this afternoon when i came back from tuition.. well, my aggregate can actually get me in innova jc but i dun intend to go to jc or try out the first 3 mths.. mum and sisters are trying to persuade me to go but i've got no interest.. i really need a break from all that studying over the last conscutive months and so wad if there wun be any lessons for the first 3 mths in jc?? i'm not going to try out and dun ever try to change my mentality of going to jc?? cause i really dun want to.. figured out the purpose.. make me change my decision on going to poly.. instead go to jc, den to uni den to NIE.. how i wish i can just tell them to get off my back and stop irritating me especially these few daes when at the sight of them just makes me feel irritated.. purely due to stress i guess??
sometimes it makes me wonder.. are they so ashamed of me going to poly? even frens are asking me if i'm serious about gg to poly and some even are shocked when i told them i'm not gg to jc.. i mean why the surprise?? i've had enough of the stress from consecutive studying over the past years and i really need a break and i think i'll suit poly life.. afterall, i dun mind getting a lower pay at NIE and even after i'm a qualified teacher.. that is if i dun get a distinction for my english.. if i do, i'll do mass comm and fulfil another dream of mine - to become a chinese deejay and get to interview overseas artistes.. but that is if i do get a distinction for english.. in conclusion, i'm really tired.. mentally drained and my brain's working very slow.. slower than during prelims and i'm scared.. real scared but who is actually really there for me? to hear me talk? to hear me pour my sorrows.. no one.. not even my family members cause they'll only think it's stupid and they only bother about my dear younger sis and i hate it.. i mean it..
i've lost my sense of direction in life.. i've lost sight of my goal.. just wad am i living for?? i really dunno..

firstly!! i'm so glad my hard work did pay off for prelims.. got back a few papers todae.. not the full paper bt like paper 1 and my chem practical.. i can only sae.. i'm more or less rather happy with my results so far.. not too sure abt the overall marks but i'm glad that i'm scoring and getting marks that i've alwaes wanted to see esp. my e maths.. real happy!! it's beyond words.. made great improvement from mid-yr!! i think my teacher will be proud of me.. and for all i know, mayb thru out my 4 yrs in KC, this is the 1st time i'm getting an A for e maths??!! haha.. of course, i shan't be too happy.. results may just turn the tables on me the next few daes during the coming week.. but all in all, i'm really very happy abt my results so far!! i'm motivated to do better for 'O' levels!! haha.. oh, and mrs chua was happy that i pass my a maths paper 1!! haha.. WELL DONE!! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK BUT DUN BE TOO HAPPY YET!! :)

to give up or not??

spent the last few nites thinking abt my studies after the talk i had with mum on wed.. i'm really tired.. mentally tired.. i've had plans of giving up now on my studies.. just let go.. yes, people will think i'm being stupid or smth but you can nv understand the stress and pressure i'm going through.. even frens who are very close to me.. mayb even tracy can't understand.. give an example.. i'm stranded in the middle of the sea, holding onto a wooden plank, floating to shore.. but the journey back to shore is tiring.. if i can let go and give up on the thought of floating back to land, i'll give up and let go of that plank.. that's what i'm feeling now.. just let go of my studies and give up.. but can i?? many will advise me to continue to hold on for the next 2 months or so.. but do i have the determination and strength to hold on till then?? due to stress, i've broken down at nite.. late at nite after 12 and i cry myself to sleep.. that's what studying does to me.. sacrifices.. i do want to sacrifice my tv time but the tv shows that i watch all help me to de-stress, hoping that i'll be able to absorb my work better.. i believe in that but it's not working out.. i know i should change but if i do change, will i break down eventually? or will i break down a day or two after i change my plans.. i really dunno.. another way of de-stressing would be laughing at the not-so-funny-parts of shows or crying at the most touching part and use those touching parts as an excuse to de-stress.. it's not healthy but i can't help it.. i appear carefree and smiley to those around me but i think no one ever understands wad i'm going thru now.. i need support and encouragement.. but who is willing to give me that support and encouragement?? ok, being emo and i should stop it..
smth happier(at least) to tok about.. told tracy on mon that i'm beginning to like shaowei more than xiezhi.. and she was shocked.. till now, i really dunno who i like more.. zhi or wei? but after a nite of thinking things through, i still think i like zhi.. not that i dun like wei but at the end of the day, i'll still tell tracy that i like zhi.. it always ends up this way.. the last time was li wei lian.. but now, i also think that fei lun hai the wu zun is quite cute!! haha.. but i'll still like zhi.. ok, at least this is something happier i guess?? haha..

stressed?? haha.. i dunno.. people ard me are telling me that.. but do you think i really know if i'm over-stressed or under-stressed?? let me tell you den, i really have no idea!! was just talking to a fren on the phone this evening and she was actually giving me some tips on how to prepare for 'O' levels and wadnot.. and i officially admit!! i have a short attention span.. haha.. oh wadeva.. so yah.. she offered me some tips and yah.. shall try them out? if i can find the time and i'm sure i can.. :S the construction work at my place is really bad.. i can't study peacefully.... [ignoring the fact that i sometimes turn on some music to hear.. but i believe that listening to music helps me to study better though yes, some people will disagree with me.. ] so i'll pack my bag and move to some other places to study during the day.. have made plans to go over to the library and back to school during the study break to study.. at least it's a place more quiet and mayb i can focus and concentrate better.. who knows? ok, moving on to the next subject.... when i just came online, another fren of mine asked me a question which rather shocked me.. haha.. shan't mention the question lah.. it's between me and her.. so yah.. just stop the rumours yeah whoever that started it? it's so not true.. there's nothing between me and *ahem* whom is taken alr.. i think it's quite obvious who *ahem* is alr.. so stop it, ok?? haha.. gotta chill.. owells.. :S

i wish shaowei can go back to 56

it's been weeks since i last blogged? not very long though but time seems to past very fast.. and since i'm blogging todae, guess todae's post will be rather long.. firstly, saw renfu and ji mei mei's news.. can't believe that renfu will actually do it.. bt now, he doesn't want it.. for those who know wad i'm talking(people like tracy), will know wad happen.. just can't believe it and i seriously hope he'll want it if it's true and be responsible for it.. that's wad 56 is alwaes asking fans to do rite? be responsible for our actions.. so i feel renfu should yi shen zuo ze..
secondly, celebrated my birthday in a rather pathetic wae though.. was alone at home (other than my younger sis whom i hardly tok to) yesterdae.. went TM, hoping to get my J-star mag but no.. there wasn't.. so in the end, i bought S.H.E's cd!! haha.. quite nice though although i dun quite like some of their songs but i'm not a fan of them so it's ok.. just supported them cause the songs i liked were really nice..
thirdly, i screwed my physics practical.. my readings were off and if i'm rite, were different from the readings of those in the 2nd shift.. hopefully i'll be able to pass my practical.. even if it's just a border line pass.. at least it's a pass and i'll try hard for paper 1 and paper 2..
fourthly, just visited J-star website.. i so agree!! i really wish shaowei can go back to 56 and ignore 183 club.. i agree with wad some of the fans at the forum sae.. as to wad i see, shaowei seems happier and not so stressed with 56.. he can go crazy with 56 and dun have to bother much about his image.. also, it seems 183 looks down on 56? i dunno about it but i think they(excluding shaowei) dun seem to regard 56 as their seniors.. mayb only 1 or 2.. so yah.. bt i do think shaowei really ought to focus just on 56.. he's just tiring himself out..
and lastly, A BIG THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU FOR UR BIRTHDAY WISHES!! REALLY APPRECIATE IT A LOT!! U PEOPLE ACTUALLY MADE MY DAY EVEN THOUGH MY BIRTHDAY COINCIDED WITH PHYSICS PRACTICAL!! BUT THX TO ALL OF YOU!! LOVE YOU GUYS LOTSA!! :)))
ok, i've gtg.. will have to get back to my books soon.. haiz.. owells.. prelims are coming so can't slack anymore and do i really seem that stressed to you people?? i've lost my wire for my digi cam.. how great!!

felt so lost the week when i last blogged.. that's why that "sucidal post".. bt i'm fine now.. teachers are going at a rate where i can once again get things done on time.. and it was because of that week which dragged on to this past week that i fell sick.. came down with bad sore throat on wednesdae and can you believe it? i was still in good condition on mondae nite!! owells.. but thankfully i fell sick at the rite time though.. and first time this year whr i went home during school hours.. so i missed chemistry which i admit, i wanted to miss cause it was practical and of course, the most slacking subject to me now -- chinese.. dad came to pick me up from school after my english compre test.. ms gammar was nice to let me take the test first.. went to visit the doc on thursdae bt there wasn't any school that dae so didn't have to really worry abt missing any lessons.. but was a bit blur and quiet when i went back to school on fridae.. the cough mixture that my doc gave made me drousy and i couldn't really focus.. msged hui yee the nite b4 and after asking her smth, ended up having a casual sms session.. she actually told me to come to school for the chemistry and a maths class test.. haha.. quite surprising though bt thought it wun be a good idea coming to school half wae just to take the tests and obviously, i screwed both tests.. esp. a maths.. didn't have a slight idea on how to go about doing the paper.. but i'm prepared to fail though cause i didn't really spend much time preparing for maths.. chemistry was slightly better but think i made some stupid mistakes but thankfully, chemistry is not included in the CA but this a maths class test is.. but then again, CA marks aren't counted in prelims.. so may be i shouldn't worry so much yet i can't help worrying abt the Cs and Bs appearing in my report book at the end of this term.. mum will surely nag at me and tell me to stay awae from the tv.. but helloz?? on average, i watch only abt 1 to 2 hrs of TV every day not including the hours during meal times.. so i think it's considered quite good alr lor.. and i need time to relax, ok? even my tuition teacher sae i shld stay awae from the tv.. yet the shows played are like once a week only? other than wan yu.. owells... i know it's time to mug and study for prelims yet it seems so difficult sometimes.. esp when there's the temptation to watch and play.. but i of course know my limits so i doubt i shouldn't worry? mayb with God's spirit watching over me, i'll overcome all those temptations bah? really dunno.. this blog has actually become my weekly post-age of posts.. so naturally, the posts will obviously be longer.. after so many weeks, i saw him.. again.. but the feeling's gone.. and i'm not letting him affect my life though.. for now, studies come first.. that's all that matters..

decided to do my blogging.. suddenly felt down after my shower this evening.. actually it started at the end of the day when mrs chua said that there were 2 failures for the maths test out of which 1 was from the 36 girls studying a maths(including me).. think i'm gonna fail cause i didn't know how to do the questions and i drew the wrong graph cause i didn't read instructions and i started to panic.. in all, i didn't really complete the paper.. still feeling down though.. hoping someone could and would call and tok to me.. but i dun think the person i wanna tok to will call.. so yah.. broke down and cried again this evening.. suddenly felt the stress of not being able to do homework and at the tot of scoring low for tests.. i screwed my maths test alr.. not that i wanted to.. there's so many things that i wanna sae but just can't sae.. even on my blog.. i'm just breaking down.. life's been terrible for me this year.. i'm unable to cope with the stress and wad not.. and even while typing this, i'm breaking down.. seriously, sometimes i wonder would life be better for me if i just end it now.. i'm scared.. scared i'm unable to fulfil the standards ppl want me to achieve.. scared of results and the disappointment i'll bring to myself and those around me.. would life just be better for me if i close my eyes and nv wake up again.. i apologise for all this "suicidal" notes but i'm fine.. just need to get them off my chest.. otherwise i'll fall sick bottling these depressed feelings in me.. i know i should believe in HIM but i can't.. i know he'll make my life and daes to come better but i can't.. can someone just tell me what to do.. i'm really at a loss..

basically, i'm tired.. real tired.. the weekend doesn't seem to be giving me enuf rest.. was out the whole afternoon till evening in church for my rite of sending forth and saw mark.. my sister's cathechism partner.. after that went over to mike's place to come back home with his family for dinner.. ended up reading my book and hearing him go crazy with clare.. so yah.. didn't rest until 1 a.m.. stayed up to do some reading of my mag.. den today, woke up to go to church for mass and didn't reach home until close to 6? helped out with the P3 workshop.. though it was tiring, bt i enjoyed myself.. there was one activity called trustwalk.. felt bored and decided to play along.. was quite fun and the aim of the game was to trust your child or rather for me, to trust my sister.. almost at the end, my second sister nearly made me bump right into the wall since i was blindfolded and couldn't see.. overall, it was real fun and will be helping out again next week.. bt at least i've got saturdae to rest and sleep in.. finally reach home and was watching 'The magicians of love' just now and was literally falling asleep.. was really tired.. shall get my rest tonite by sleeping early..
anywae, as i was saying i was in church this afternoon helping out with the P3 workshop and i forgot i had to wear blue top.. so in the end, i ended up gg to clare's place to borrow a shirt.. when i went back to the P3 classroom, everyone in there including my sis and mark was like ' i love boys' and they started laughing.. and i think mark asked me a question but i didn't answer him? so yah.. after that went to bedok interchange and there i got myself a new blue blouse and a pink spaghetti strap.. haiz.. wanted to get a halter but they didn't have my size so yah.. but it's ok.. haha.. owells.. will be online for a while more b4 i'm off to getting ready for tmr and to fall asleep.. haha.. next update: fridae, 28th july (if i have any thing to update abt..)

special request by caroline for me to update my pathetic, dying blog.. haha.. anywae, school's been boring for the last 3 daes.. felt it was a totally waste of time while others may be feel it's a good break from studies for 3 days.. reason? had BMW for 3 days with racial harmony day todae.. brought my maths to do in class.. result of dying of boredem from these (i felt) unnecessary events despite having it annually.. owells.. got confirmed last sundae!! like.. finally.. haha.. mum did reading and dad did holy communion.. took quite a number of pics bt i tot it was quite little still.. >.< style="font-weight: bold;">hui yee didn't cause she had 2 daes MC.. sometimes, i really wonder if such things are real or fake especially when you see that person jumping around healthily the previous dae.. not that i'm implying people are betraying my trust but yah.. owells.. there's tuition and piano for me only tmr morning.. did quite 2 maths papers but i just didn't time myself that's all.. after that, coming home if i dun intend to go to TM to see if i can get my J-star mag.. get some rest, have lunch, take a shower and i'm out of the house again to go to church for rite of sending forth and to get my certificate and photos of last sunday.. godma's coming over for dinner with uncle daniel, clare and michael.. have no idea wad i am gonna talk to them about but i think i'll manage it well.. haha.. hopefully.. anywae, gotta get going.. will try to update again when i have the time.. :p caroline!! dun say i nv update ok? my loyal blog reader.. haha..

make this a short post b4 i'm off to dreamland.. this week's been quite ok.. slowly adapting back to the streesful and sucky school life.. received my prelims timetable and i hate my physics practical.. of all daes in august, it has to be on my burfday.. 24TH AUGUST!! it just has to be on that day.. whether or not i'm in shift 1 or not, i think it will just spoil my day.. of course, i'm hoping to be in shift 1 den can get it over and done with.. prelim dates are out and a sense of fear has just descended upon me.. it's a kind of fear that is undescribeable.. and it's scary.. i'm neither feeling slack or hardworking.. i'm just neutral and that's scary cause i dunno how well i can do for prelims.. serious.. i just have to ask GOD to help me.. owells.. there's piano and tuition tmr.. managed to complete my tuition hw but not within 2 hours[given time] and i think i didn't put in my best.. mainly because i was watching the tv while doing it, secondly, i was quite drained and completed the assignment for the sake of having to complete it.. health hasn't been in tip-top condition since tuesdae? have been getting the flu almost every night.. and the stupid pimple on my nose is painful and it wun go awae.. confirmation's on sundae.. hopefully my pimple wun make it so obvious and my pics ugly.. anywae, gotta go offline now.. need to get up real early tmr for piano and tuition.. haiz.. just dun feel like gg..

friday:
went for school's EMDD with collaboration with SJI.. the performance was great.. went with mike, clarice and his fren, jonathon.. haha.. supposedly to meet clarice den go with her bt mummy made me go with michael.. so i went with him... was feeling quite bad cause promised clarice to go with her.. so anywae, we reacher SJI at ard 7.10.. and my dear god-bro still was like if we dun make it there on time, pls take off your heels and run, k? >.< bt luckily we reached there on time bt clarice was late.. so me and his fren went in first.. during the interval, we went to look for them and we went to the entrance.. sylvia tot jonathon was my boyfren.. haha.. very farnie.. saw sueann, aretha and cheryl ng!! after that we went back in and continue the show.. after the show, mike was gg to have supper with his frens so he gt clarice to send me home and i was toking to hui yee to ease the awkwardness btw me and them.. so yah.. that was yesterdae..
sat:
was at home in the afternnon b4 gg to church for mass.. got my new glasses!! didn't make much of a difference though just that my degree went higher and my frames are slightly thinner.. so yah.. tmr's my sister's graduation.. gg all the way down to NUS.. think will feel tired.. haiz.. school's starting in a day's time? back to a new week and it's alr week 3!! how time pass lah.. soon it'll be prelims.. den 'O' levels!! *gasped* gosh.. will work superb-ly hard for prelims.. hopefully my L1R5 can be as low as possible..

can't believe i just broke down today after hearing the news.. i mean, i can't help it.. it's just too sudden and he confirmed it with me himself.. gosh.. just wad exactly is happening to me? but then again, i'm happy that he found someone he liked.. i wanted to type smth bt decided not to just in case he ever pass by my blog and sees this.. den i'm dead meat.. haha.. owells.. bt i just found it too sudden as in.. he? at this age? like woa.. i didn't even expect he would get one at this age and point of time and it so happen i know the girl but i dunno if the girl know me.. haha.. owells.. anywae, back to smth happy bt still related to him.. i'm gg for emdd this year!! to support KC's production and gisella and berlyn!! afterall, we're classmates and i've known gisella for 4 yrs so shld at least go and support, huh? bt i'm not gg alone.. i'm gg with him.. owells.. hopefully no one i know misunderstand us that nite.. haha.. bt that would also mean that i can't watch my lu guang and ge dou!! :( haiz.. bt for gissy, i'll sacrifice.. like woah!! wad a big sacrifice!! >.< haha.. so yup, overall, i'm gg.. had a chinese compo test cum competition yesterdae.. ms teh returned us our papers - unmarked - cause it was badly done and she read mine out in class again.. foreva.. and wad did she say? an essay that was at least correctly written.. i didn't have much confidence in that essay cause it was btw me and IT.. so yah.. oh, IT and him is 2 diff. persons.. so yah.. haiz.. hopefully i do well for this compo test cum competition.. yikes!! there's a maths test tmr.. better go and do some review on it b4 mum comes home and sees me on the com.. haha...

WHEE!! feeling a bit high now.. just went to the new j-star website.. it's super nice!! and 56 now got their own personal blog!! of course, other j-star members too.. that's great.. then can go and see how they are doing.. esp. xiezhi.. he's so cute in his post.. and ok, i'm a bit slow.. the new website was established at the beginning of this month.. haha.. bt nvm.. he finally got his own blog.. so does shaowei and mengzhe.. zhi's leaving at the end of this month (that's wad he said) to the mainland for a new show.. think will miss him lotsa.. hopefully wan yu hold a farewell party for him afterall, he alwaes come and dai ban wan yu if shaowei or mengzhe cannot make it and also he update his blog often though he isn't very good at it.. haha.. anywae, school's beginning tmr.. drats.. this means that lesser time will have to be spent on the tv and of course, the computer.. i dun think i'll come online during weekdays unless it's really necessary.. and of course, i'm gonna miss reading j-star blogs regularly.. haha.. owells.. anywae, off to read more artistes blogs!! haha..

didn't intend to blog until i saw caroline's blog.. haha..

1.Do the following WITHOUT complains
2. Choose 5 people to do this after you completed yours
3. Leave a tag on the person's tagboard to say he/she have been tagged
4. Start your post with "I have been tagged!"

"I have been tagged!" by caroline.. haha.. :p
Favourites

Favourite Colour: purple and blue
Favourite Food: homecooked food and anything else that is yummy!!
Favourite Song: mainly chinese songs that people find it's too cheena..
Favourite Movie: not a movie person
Favourite Sport: swimming?
Favourite Day of the Week: fridays and sats..
Favourite Season: i dun mind all!!
Favourite Ice Cream: YAM!! bt it's fattening..

Currents

Current Mood: ???
Current taste: i didn't eat anything since after lunch..
Current Clothes: shirt and shorts..
Current Desktop: 56's picture!! haha.. typical 56 fan..
Current Toenail Colour: colourless
Curent Time: 1724h (time when i'm doing this now..)
Current Surroundings: sister walking up and down the hse with the tv in her room on..
Current Annoyances: HW not done,,
Current Thoughts: my leg's hurting and i'm supposed to rub it..

First

First Best Friends: all are good frens, very good frens.. nt really best frens..
First Crush: not saying.. bt i think some ppl are able to guess...
First Movie: can't rmb?
First Lie: also can't rmb.. i've got short term memory yet i can rmb almost everything to do with 56
First Music: piano!!

Lasts

Last Cigarette: i NV smoke cause smoking is unhealthy..
Last Drink: water..
Last Car Ride: a few hrs ago..
Last Crush: not saying.. duh..
Last Movie: pirates of the carribean? which was yrs ago?
Last Phone Call: tara which was yesterdae..
Last CD played: zhang shanwei's first album - shi xin feng

Have you ever

Have you ever dated one of your best friend: definitely not!!
Have you ever broken the law: wad kind of law??
Have you ever been arrested: nah.. i'm a guai kia..
Have you ever skinny-dipped: no.. i'm conservative..
Have you ever been on TV: yup..
Have you ever kissed someone you dont know: no.. my first kiss is impt!!

5 things you are wearing: necklace, earrings, shirt, shorts and... idunnowadelse..
4 things you done today: gone to church, bathed, watch tv and complete another 1/5 of my eng hw..
3 things you can hear right now: my sisters' tv, my typing on the keyboard and.. my sister's voice..
1 thing you do when you are bored: eat!! bt it makes me put on weight.. -.-
5 People to do this: clare, char tan, michele and any other 2 who wants to do this..
END OF SURVEY!

suddenly had the urge to start blogging.. haiz... was reading aretha's blog just now.. and it triggered my tots and reflections.. time do pass very fast.. 2003, i entered KC.. entered a new environment and made new and many frens.. 2004, the bonds btw frens grew stronger and affairs of the heart just struck me.. made even more frens thru a new cca and better friendships with frens from the same class.. almost at the end of 2004, was nominated to be a prefect with hui yee and others bt i rejected.. didn't see the need to become one and lose my frens if they couldn't understand my duty.. and i didn't and wun regret my decision though i sometimes feel i shldn't have reject it.. 2005, the same thing happened.. a new class with new classmates.. had fun with them though we weren't very united as compared to my former class.. 2006, final year in KC.. sitting for 'O' levels in a few months and getting more and more scared yet that kind of fearfulness cannot be explained and may be can't even be experienced for some others.. i nv knew that time would actually pass so soon.. just like for church, it's been 10 years and in july, i'm gonna officially end cathechism with my confirmation.. i suddenly have this fear.. this fear of doing badly in exams, this fear of not doing to wad is expected of me be it by parents or family or even myself.. i just don't know now.. i feel at a loss.. it seems everything's coming to an end.. in school and in cathechism classes.. after this year, will we ever meet again? will we ever meet up for chats and parties.. and will the closest of the closest of my frens ever lose contact with me? or the frens whom i've known for 10 years.. i really dunno.. all these just seem to have triggered me.. these tots and feelings.. i have this sense of fearfulness that can nv be described in this point of time.. mayb like wad renfu said, at this point of time, other than studying, i really dunno wad to do and wad my life is becoming.. is it becoming more fruitful or is it becoming more useless.. haiz.. owells.. there's nth i can do much abt it, rite? other than focusing on my studies now and try to do as well as possible for 'O' levels?? anywae, school is starting again next week.. when school starts, i'll be busy with exams, with prelims, with tests and of course, with stress.. think will not be online as often.. if i can come online once every 2 weeks or once a month, i think it would be quite ok.. then i can have more time in studying for my exams and tests and focus more on studies.. bt will i be able to do it? hopefully so if GOD give me the strength and determination and HE will help me through the next half of the year until after 'O' levels... owells.. i have to get back to my maths.. gtg now.. tata...

back from camp yesterdae.. actually i came back on sat. nite.. haha.. wasn't feeling well so came home.. felt like puking after dinner.. could be the food bah.. oh and i wasn't the only one who came back home.. michael also went back.. he also nt feeling bt i went back on sun morning, he didn't.. tsk tsk.. haha.. so basically, saturdae was just reflections, reflections and MORE reflections.. was quite sleepy and slept each time they told us to close our eyes and think.. of course, i did some thinking lah.. so yah.. yesterdae was feeling slightly better and the programmes were also better.. had games in the morning after breakfast till lunch.. was quite hot and sweaty after the games.. so me and char went to take a shower b4 lunch and thank goodness we came first.. otherwise we would have to wait for ages.. cause there was only one shower.. >.<>.< haha.. bt it was ok lah.. afterall, it's not like i like him so yah.. owells, yesterdae marked the end of me having fun and relaxing.. it's back to mugging and doing and completing all my hol. hws this last 2 weeks of hols.. gosh, it's so fast and i'm still rushing thru hw.. shall be a good girl and do my hw everydae.. hopefully.. OUR JOURNEY BEGAN WITH A JIGSAW PUZZLE SO OUR JOURNEY SHALL THUS END WITH A JIGSAW PUZZLE.. that was wad marcus said to us yesterdae at the last minor session.. think will miss the sundae 8.45am cathechism class after confirmation esp. those who i seldom see and those who have been in the same class as me since pri. 1 like char who kept me company and vice versa during the camp.. will we ever meet again for some of us? i really dunno..

gosh.. got back results.. gotten a damn scolding from mum (which actually i think i deserved it) bt.. i just feel that when it comes to results, i just feel that when i do not as well as wad they expected, yes, scolding shld be given bt at least give some words of encouragement.. and when i do well, there's no words of praise or encouragement.. so was really a bit pissed off and upset until after watching wan yu which really made me happy again..

i seriously think if you ask me, that my mum isn't a good mum.. as in, during the exam period, she didn't even bother to ask me how was my exams.. instead she was more worried for the class that she was doing relief teaching for.. she actually showed me that she didn't really bother abt my exams and grades bt when the results show, she just start blaming everything on me.. and after telling her i wanna go poly, she seemed so against it.. bt no matter at the end of the year, even if i can make it to jc, i wun go jc, i rather go poly.. seriously and i mean it.. i really wonder if she ever bother to find out how i'm feeling.. and the best thing was she actually cursed her future grand-daughter will be like me.. -.- some stupid mother of mine.. i'm sorry to sae this bt this is just wad i see at times..

owells.. shan't make myself upset over this.. afterall, i'm prepared to do some hard work the next half of the year.. nt because of her, bt for myself and for XIEZHI!! haha... as in seriously, he alwaes wanted us, fans to do our best in studies and in wadeva we do.. so yah, i shld do my best for HIM and for myself and nt for my stupid parents (mean of me to sae that bt to me, again, it's smth that i see).. anywae, having tots of dropping a maths.. toked to mrs ooi and my nanny abt it.. haven't toked to the parents and my tuition teacher yet.. will ask my tuition teacher abt it tmr.. as for the parents, my nanny saed she'll try to tok my mum into letting me drop if i really decide to.. cause mrs ooi is actually trying to get me to try again.. bt i just dun see the point of continuing it if i can't do well in it.. that's the prob.. owells.. i just dunno lah.. will think abt it and tok to my tuition teacher den see how.. anywae, i bought myself a new skirt and a new halter!! cool.. spent 30 bucks on it.. :p haha.. bt it's nice.. shall go and get more of halters and mini skirts and nt bother abt wad the parents think cause it's my life nt theirs!!

gt back results over the last 3 daes.. nt exactly dat fantastic.. and i mean it.. it's all average passes or border line fail and i can't stand it when that happens esp. if you can't find the extra marks that is needed.. -.- so yah.. here's my results (range given only..)

english : 55-60, C5
e maths : 50-54, C6
a maths : 40-44, E8
chinese: 60-64, B4
geog : 50-54, C6
combined humans : 35-39, F9
chemistry : 45-49, D7
physics : 50-54, C6

i can't believe i actually pass physics and failed chem.. and my chem is stronger than my physics.. bt den again, the physics paper was frm the TYS so naturally, we done well.. -.- actually failed e maths but mrs chua was so nice dat she looked for marks for me to pass.. and she scolded me in return for being lazy and etc.. bt come to think of it, the paper was difficult so it wasn't exactly my fault.. ok, mayb it was my fault but still.... failed a maths and combined humans terribly.. as in yes, terribly.. and i passed geog!! whee!! haha.. however, that's nth to be proud of.. and i needed a few more marks to get my B3 for chinese.. damn upset.. feel so disappointed in myself this term just based on results and tell you honestly, i haven't really done my best.. cause if i did, this wun be the results i'm getting.. but nvm!! after i've enjoyed my day tmr, i'll work hard frm sundae onwards in preparation for chinese 'O's.. and i mean it!! gonna see dear tmr!! miss him lotsa!! that's great and his other pals.. haha.. finally after how long... think will be damn happy and tired tmr.. bt it's worth it.. owells.. gotta buck up during the hols.. and i think mrs ooi will wanna see mum and dad cause of my results.. haiz.. i promise i will work harder this time round.. I PROMISE!! i think i've let mum and dad down.. -.-

EXAMS ARE OVER!! yes.. for the time being though.. haha.. but at least i get a break frm books.. ok, mayb except for chinese.. had chinese LC todae and b4 we left, our nice chinese teachers gave us a surprise by giving us chinese papers to do, to prepare us for the coming GCE 'O' levels in like 3 weeks time?? ok, mayb less than 3 weeks.. but seriously, i dun mind doing so long as i am able to get an A for chinese(preferably an A1)... but of course, i've got to put in my own effort as well.. but overall, exams are over.. haha.. i think i screwed up most of my papers.. ok, mayb all except chinese and mayb physics.. haha.. but still... in conclusion, i think i'll damn badly for my papers.. afterall, they're just killing us with them.. so yah.. haha.. fell sick during the exam period which was terrible and it so happened that i came down with fever on my geography and chemistry paper.. haha.. but i'm still fine though with a little runny nose.. haha.. anywae, i'm gg on a nini shopping spree tmr with nicole.. wah.. after so many years of knowing her, we're finally gg out together without caro and gang.. haha.. wierd huh?? but it's fine with me cause at least we get to tok abt things we seldom tok abt in school.. haha... so yah.. will be gg shopping tmr.. and on tuesdae to celebrate that girl's burfdae.. haha.. owells..

just a short post b4 i get back to my books.. been busy with tests and the upcoming exams these few daes.. stay in school till late afternoon for extra maths lessons and other lessons as well.. been really tired, physically and mentally, and numb to all that is happening but still, i've got feelings so still feel a bit exhausted and tired of all that tired.. just had brokedown again last nite and early this morning but it wasn't anything much.. just wanted to let out my feelings so like yah.. feeling only a little better.. i think will be feeling this wae for the next 2 to 3 weeks till exams are over.. oh!! my dad asked me to study hard for exams and my reply was " that is if i dun get a mental block during that exam.." haha.. and he had nth else to sae.. i mean, for those who know me well, know i get mental blocks during exams.. ok, mayb not only exams but tests.. so how bad can that be?? so yah, just hopefully i dun get a mental block during the coming exams and yesterdae i had a chinese test.. sort of CA.. i think i'm not gonna get my A.. reason being i didn't do the last question of compre that was worth of 12 marks!! 12 marks you know!! gosh!! i think i'm just gonna do badly for that paper.. but luckily it's not counted in the exam but still.. i can only sae i'm disappointed in myself this term.. very disappointed.. haiz..

i shall state my stand!! i'm not angry with her which = to i'm not being petty.. it's just that i dun feel i'm at fault and i shldn't be the first one to sae sry.. get it?? this all happened when she kicked me just becoz' she tot i was the one who pushed her( but it wasn't me..) and she didn't even open her eyes to see who was standing behind her and expectedly tot it was me who pushed her.. and yes, although i did hit her, but she was the one who kicked me first and did not sae sorry even though she knew she was wrong.. and if she did sae sorry, i wun have hit her.. and even if she said sorry and i hit her, i would also have said sorry.. but NO~~ she didn't sae sorry.. so if that's the case, shldn't she be the one who is supposed to apologise now and not me?? and she's not only angry over this stupid matter but those that happen in the past too.. now that it is wad i call PETTY!! and i'm not even angry with her when she hit me when i didn't lor..

i mean, i've had enough.. all these years, i think i've been too nice.. giving into people and alwaes end up at the losing end.. and alwaes the one who has to sae sorry first even if i'm not the one at fault.. is this fair?? fair to me?? i dun think so.. i've really had enuf.. ok, if i tot i was in the wrong i would apologise and even if i feel i'm not wrong but in actual fact, i am, i will apologise cause my conscience will bug me.. but now, i dun feel i'm wrong and my conscience is not bugging me.. i'm just too nice.. letting people get over my head.. sometimes i feel i shld actually stop being too nice.. only being nice to people who deserve me being kind to them.. but to such a person like her, i dun think so lor.. yes, i admit, i may be a bit unreasonable at times but helloz?? at least i try to stop being unreasonable and admit i'm at fault.. but she?? stupid petty person.. sometimes i feel, i dun have such a fren like her is fine with me.. i dun care for such a petty fren like her.. and i mean it.. if i really lose such a fren, it's fine with me.. afterall, i can be an introvert.. gosh, just toking abt her just makes me wanna puke.. can't believe i'm blogging this... ANYWAE, TRACY, I'M NOT IMPLYING YOU'RE AT FAULT OK?? JUST TYPING IT BIG SO THAT YOU CAN SEE!! HAHA..

i can't believe i actually cried!! and i was the first to start crying.. todae was the last dae of c.o practice for the sec 4s after which we officially step down.. we had practice till 5 and when i tot i could come home, the comm gave us a surprise and gave us a farewell party.. mdm foo spoke a few words to us.. and when cheryl and gresilda gave me wad they made, i asked whether after reading the notes inside the bottle will cry and b4 they could sae anything, i just started crying!! i'm just being too emotional.. and i feel like i'm contradicting myself.. one min sae i can't be bothered with C.O, the next minute i'm crying.. haha.. i guess gg for C.O practices these 3 years ever since i joined C.O, really sort of made a difference in my life.. frm every week stay back on wednesdae and fridaes to now no more staying back till 6p.m to practice, i think i'll just miss the times i've had in C.O and the memories my juniors and C.O has given me.. really touched by wad cheryl and gresilda did.. just wanna sae a big THANK YOU to them!! will go back to visit those little juniors whenever i'm free..

next, yesterdae's wan yu was my dear and zhe!! haha.. was so kuai to sit there and watch other than missing a little to brush up.. but yah.. was damn high last nite.. but rather tired and i am still tired.. there's tuition and piano and you know wad's the gd news?? i didn't have time to practice.. haha.. owells.. just run thru my pieces tmr and play!! afterall frm next week onwards, will have an extra of 6 hrs to spend each afternoon so can use that time to practice piano, study and do my revision or hw!!! haha..

will make this short and sweet.. firstly, WELL DONE 406!! nv been so happy to see how united our class was.. for family dae, our earnings was the highest among the whole school and it was all thx to our hard work and cooperations that family dae was a success and it did prove that if 406 wanted to be united to accomplish things, we can.. but it's whether we want to or not.. secondly, renfu left for shanghai on tuesdae.. was feeling a little down cause he wun be on wan yu but thank goodness, wan yu is showing renfu's own "personal video diary" and his latest news in shanghai.. at least, i'm sitll able to know that renfu is doing fine other than his own blog.. thirdly, ran my 2.4 yesterdae at ECP.. haha.. i dun even know if i passed or fail.. hopefully i passed then i dun have to re-run again!! heehee.. owells.. in conclusion, life still goes on whether or not 406 got the highest earnings, whether or not renfu is in shanghai and whether or not i do pass my 2.4.. life still continues!! haha.. owells.. anywae, tmr's my last c.o practice b4 i officially step down and i can't wait!! i mean, these 3 yrs since i joined c.o, a lot of time was spent in school on practices.. like min. 6 hrs a week.. but after tmr, i dun have to stay back for a min. of 6 hrs after school which also means that i got more time to do my own revision and studying.. haha.. hopefully i keep to my own study timetable!! :p

this post is specially for all those in sec 406 esp. for charmaine and gisella!! no matter how tired i am, i'll write this post!! thx ppl for giving me a wonderful last family day in KC!! you've been great and i'm really touched by all that you've done to help make this family day for 406 a success!! really thankful to gisella and charmaine for staying with me at the stall since the start of family dae till the end!! thx to fiona low and hui yee for taking some time off ur own plans to help with the earrings!! thx to chunhui, vanessa goh, kang li and aretha for coming early to help me set up the stall!! there's too many people to thank but i shall sae a very big thank you!! i will nv forget this dae!! you ppl and my other frens have created many memories during my 4 years in KC!! and shall continue to create more till we part!! ok, i'm getting a bit too emotional so yah!! real sorry for my wildfulness and wadeva attitude of mine that you could not accept!! but nevertheless, we've made family dae 2006 a very big success!! THX!!

post smth quick b4 i go watch my tv!! haha.. was watching some video clip of 56 in singapore shopping some 7-11 outlet.. haha.. they're so farnie!! although the video wasn't very clear.. heehee.. dearie was so shuai and kor was so... cute!! haha.. there was one part where he took up a bottle of wine and some fan told him that he's under 18 yrs old so cannot drink.. haha.. this was taken last year, i guess.. heehee.. damn farnie.. owells.. school hols are coming to an end now.. tmr's the last dae alr!! haiz.. so fast.. gosh!! maths hw not really completed.. s.s project not done yet but that's a grp work so yah.. owells.. everything will be back to a restless and tired life on mondae.. oh!! and when school reopens and it's term 2, chinese 'O's are coming!! =( anywae, may post another if i'm online tonite..

do a quick post b4 i'm out of the hse to godma's place.. went to marriott on mondae for cherie jie's wedding dinner.. she was damn pretty lor.. charmaine was there too!! and she also was damn chio.. i felt so out.. as in everyone there were so prettily dressed but not me.. just felt awkward... took some pics with charmaine.. before coming back home.. haha.. next dae still had school so had to leave earlier.. charmaine didn't turn up for school the next dae that was yesterdae.. tot she really porn school.. but after reading her testimonial for me, no, smth happened after the wedding that wasn't serious but affected her.. and of course, spoilt her mood.. haha.. hopefully she's ok.. though curious on wanting to know wad happen, but best if i dun ask cause it may not be a good thing.. haha.. that's how considerate mrs sun is.. haha.. so thick-skinned of me to sae that.. gosh!! anywae, i've gtg.. have to see to other things before i can leave the hse.. haha.. till then...

i'm sick!! haha.. physically ill.. heehee.. came down with sore throat and fever on wednesdae.. thursdae was slightly better.. only sore throat and by fridae, the cough came and went to see the doc and got 2 daes mc.. one for todae, and another for tmr!! so didn't go to school todae to get report book.. and i feel so bad.. cause i owe gwen money for the family dae tix, owe mrs ooi my chem file, owe yi quan my s.s sbq and sam teo my giro form for 'o' levels.. feel so bad.. have to settle all this on mondae when i go back for extra lessons.. as for tmr's cip performance.. my sis was asking me not to go since i got 2 daes mc.. so i haven't decided yet whether or not i'm gg to school.. will see how's my condition like tmr morning.. haha.. okok, i need to rush thru my hw that's due on mondae.. gotta go..

went out with godma aka auntie shelley yesterdae for lunch at parkwae after school.. it wasn't as bad as i expected.. although i felt a little nervous at first, thank goodness she didn't notice.. but i was normal after that.. haha.. we talked and she paid for my lunch which i think was quite expensive.. haha.. and we agreed to meet up sae once a month for such chats and lunch.. that way, we will like get to know each other more and talk abt our recent happenings.. after that, she sent me to interchange.. so nice of her!! told mum that my godma would only let me pay when i start earning $$ when she asked how much was my lunch.. haha.. told hui yee and tracy abt it todae in school.. haha.. they think it's wierd to like meet up once a month instead of regularly.. but again, she have her plans too wad.. i cannot like possibly ask her out for lunch and get her to pay every week wad.. it wun make sense.. haha.. but seriously, i'm looking forward to our next lunch date!! haha.. sure enjoyed yesterdae.. :)

the weeks that i haven't been updating has been rather stressful for me especially the past week and last week.. firstly, had CAs for the past 2 weeks.. can die from the stress.. wonder wad will happen at 'O' levels.. i mean, you study till you're sort of "brain-dead".. no more info can go in.. gosh, and sometimes, you study till the day of the test, you actually get mental-block.. -.- guess i'm gonna fail s.s and geog.. ms wahidah is sort of rather disappointed with my class becoz' of the s.s test.. haiz.. but overall, i'm so glad the week's come to an end again..

secondly, i broke down twice in a week and it was consecutively.. first was on tuesdae and the second was on wednesdae when i got back my physics paper... tuesdae was cause really too stressed up and i woke up from my sleep and people started to get on my nerves.. wednesdae was cause i was so upset and angry with myself.. i lost 4 marks due to carelessness for my physics paper and... if it wasn't for that 4 marks, i think i would have topped my class for physics.. so yah, was quite disappointed with myself for that mistake.. oh, and so far, of all the papers i got back, i think 2 papers were papers which i needed to get 1 or 2 more marks to get an A2 or an A1 and of course, it was damn disappointing..

thirdly, I'VE GOT MY NEW PHONE!! and it's sooo nice!! haha.. totally crazy over it.. bought it like a week ago.. yes!! finally after years of anticipating.. haha.. owells.. so like yah.. that's my week.. totally drained out.. haha.. will not update that often now though cause of school work.. haha.. okok, got to ciaoz!!

decided to blog smth.. feeling tired.. gosh, wad's wrong with me?? haha.. anywae, "top of the forbidden city" was the last episode todae.. quite sad lah for the ending but still, it was a happy ending.. contradicting huh?? it was sad cause xiao ying's dad died but it was happy cause aki is with fire!! haha.. i think both of them quite compatible lor.. so sweet.. :)) haha.. but seriously, if you've seen the cute side of shaowei, you'll mayb think that shaowei is the "cutest" in 5566.. as in not that kind of kawaii but another kind.. that 'man' type of cuteness.. which i guess makes him special.. haha.. xiezhi also appeared as the host for the dance competition but i tot his role was pathetic.. i mean, seriously.. cause he only appeared for like wad?? 5 mins? haha.. even someone like me who likes xiezhi so much will actually sae that.. unbelievable i guess.. heehee.. oh and i hate renfu's role.. i dunno why but i just dun like his role.. the feeling he gave me at the end was so different from the first time he appeared.. totally 2 different feelings lor... -.- but nevertheless, the show was ok.. to me lah, it was ok.. cause i'm not the kind who likes such type of idol dramas although i love such idol dramas.. but this kind of dance idol dramas aren't just for me.. i prefer like "mr fighting" or "heaven's robe".. anywae, the next idol drama is also one which is super touching in the beginning.. "snow angel".. i think i'll cry next week when i start to watch lor.. is damn sad lah.. and the story is also a little sad as it shows.. owells... ... ...

HAPPY CNY FOLKS!! haha.. feeling bored so decided to blog while waiting for friendster to upload my pics.. and also dunno wad to write since my last post so didn't really update and oh!! i'm becoming more and more lazy to blog.. haha.. anywae, went visiting the last 2 daes and todae.. collected not a lot of money but not too little too.. anywae, went to mr ang's place.. his place was quite nice lor but we had a hard time finding his place.. haha.. but we still managed to find his place.. it was only the sec 4 seniors who went.. den we went to his place and heard his dog, tiny, barking.. me and cheryl was so scared lor.. but seriously, the dog really was puny.. haha.. but still, i was scared.. and we all liked his room.. totally so different frm his living room lor.. his living room was like so oriental, so china but his room was so different.. it was so modern.. we just LOVED his room..!! haha.. den we started to see his pics and cheryl started to ransack his room.. haha.. and den we had pizza for lunch.. he ordered.. heehee.. after that, we continued to tok den we decided to take some pics b4 we leave.. so yah.. we did.. if you wanna see the pics, go to my friendster!! uploaded them alr.. haha.. den after mr ang's place, li ting, tracy and fiona came over.. haha.. had so much fun but i was quite dead though... heehee.. anywae, will update often (i hope) provided i've got smth to update and i'm not lazy.. haha...

will write a quick post.. yesterdae went to chinatown with CO after practice.. went super hyper with li ting, tracy and fiona.. played with her hei bai pei.. she's so lousy lor.. kept laughing makeing me and the other hyper!! haha.. todae went to TP for open house.. the school is damn big lah.. got lost at the school of business cause we couldn't find our wae to mass comm and hospitality.. i think i know wad choices i'll take if i enter poly.. after that, tracy came over my place to have lunch and we sort of went hyper.. den she went back and i listened to 爱的奇迹 2-跳舞吧!J-STAR.. new J-Star cd.. quite nice though the songs but the songs inside are remix.. so yah.. after that went out for dinner and my mum actually tot i wanted to go poly.. -.- haha.. but i ensured her i wun cause my ultimate aim is to go JC unless i can't get in there.. so just got back home like 1/2 hr ago?? there's cathechism tmr.. my last year of cathechism b4 i get confirmed.. and den mayb i'll go join the cathechist ministry.. haha.. owells.. better get some sleep.. haven't done my maths tuition and piano work.. gosh.. been quite busy and tired so yah.. totally tired that i fall asleep immediately once my head touches my bed at nite.. that's how tired i am.. haha.. ok.. gtg.. need to wake up early tmr.. tata..

just got back from church not too long ago.. haha.. attended the cathechism mass with charmaine, CLARE and MICHAEL!! these two were crazy lor.. i was seated in btw mike and clare.. so they were laughing at everything.. from the wae the conductor conducted and how warm my hands were.. -.- haha.. really funny frens i have and i'm so thankful for them cause they just brighten up my life.. not only those two but other frens.. and when i just got there, clare was like "hi" and "where's nicholas" or smth like that.. -.- clare is just crazy over me and him.. but WE'RE OVER, CLARE!! haha.. den b4 we went up for mass, we heard that nick wasn't coming and clare was like "dun be sad, k?" haha.. that's how crazy she is when it comes to me and him.. and she starts toking nonsense after that.. very farnie, clare.. (if you're reading this..) after mass, we went downstairs but mike just lost the 3 of us.. haha.. poor thing.. and he was so left out at first cause there were like 3 gurls and he was the only guy.. but after that, i got left out.. :( haha... owells.. and i didn't see caroline.. either she didn't come or i didn't see her.. tsk tsk.. haha.. owells.. i gtg.. need to go study?? ok, wadeva.. *ciaoz*

finally online after 2 daes!! haha.. been busy with school work and CCAs.. it's been the end of the second week of school but i feel i've been back in school for ages.. haha.. could be cause my frens make me feel this wae?? ok.. wadeva.. -.- it feels good to be online.. had CO on wednesdae and some learning journey thing yesterdae.. so since i tot tmr was a saturdae and i dun have to be in school, my homework can be done tonite after watching wan yu or tmr.. and this reminds me.. i need to get maths assessment books for maths.. and more tys for maths too.. practically everything i'm getting is for maths.. -.- thx to mrs chua but i know she's doing this for our own good.. haha.. she's nice though.. mum's gonna spend a bomb this month just on my books.. owells.. guess i'm gonna sleep late tonite.. haiz.. but the tot of gg to buy books tmr makes me so sian.. haha.. owells.. anywae, i need to get gg.. will try to update as often but i guess it'll be like once a week the most.. -.-

first week of school.. over just like that.. and wad's with blogger's fonts?? so small?? haha.. first week of school was ok.. not too bad.. got back ms lau, mrs ooi, ms gammar, mrs teo hui lin, the 3 geog teachers and ms teh as subject teachers!! quite happy.. den for new subject teachers, i have ms wahidah, mrs chua and mrs sim!! nice teachers this year!! like most of them.. haha.. i am now sitting right behind the class with hui yee and clair.. so sitting arrangement is (frm the back door to the centre of the class) me, hui yee and clair!! yeah!! finally get to sit at the back of the classroom after 3 years.. haha..

although those are happy things, i am so sad to sae that i am in a maths remedial and english remedial.. first thing, who ever goes for english remedial, rite?? haha.. nah.. it's just a lesson to help me improve my english.. haha.. mrs chua's my new maths teacher and i have to sae i think she's a lot better than mrs lie.. as in seriously.. and she's very very nice!! and oh!! I AM THE A MATHS REP OF SEC 4/6!! haha.. gosh, my a maths isn't that good, i'm in a maths remedial and here i am, the a maths rep.. haha.. it's sort of a motivation for me i guess!! haha.. so many things to write about.. anywae, tmr's sec 1 cca orientation.. how i wihs i can dun go den at least i can sleep abt 4 am in the morning after i finish watching west side story.. but sad to sae, i can't.. :( haiz.. owells.. tmr night have zhi on kang xi lai le so it's a must watch and see how good-looking he is.. haha.. ok, i've gtg.. *ciaoz*