I've gotten my contact lenses!! :D haha.. went to make my contacts yesterdae but somehow or another, i wasn't able to get the lenses in.. my eyes were red like a blood vessel just burst in my eye.. it was red so linda jie(my optician) suggested i come back another day to try putting the lenses in.. so i din think much about going down again today to do until tracy smsed me last nite to see if i can accompany her to look for a lap-top. so i suggested thomson den i can try and get my contacts into my eye.. and you know wad? i got both contacts in faster than yesterdae.. took about an hr as compared to the wasted 2 hrs at the optician, and couldn't even get it in.. so yes, i've got my contacts! haha. oh, and i told tracy that the girl who helped me today, cause linda jie was not around todae, looked like the default R&B grp's zaizai. she is so look-alike lah.. haha.. and of course, my dear friend, tracy, agreed.. haha.. really enjoyed today's outing although i was a bit sian of going down to thomson again and i was tired from yesterdae. so yah.. hopefully we can get to go out again just before the both of us start school. as for tmr, there's piano in the morning and stations of the cross with the IBG grp at St Joseph's tmr nite. was thinking of going down to TM to get my phone fixed.. hopefully i'll make a trip down.

do a quick post now before mum gets back on the computer.. supposedly a busy week but it seems slightly better.. supposed to be out today with the girls but cancelled it due to some reasons.. tmr there's my medical check-up in the afternoon(and mum is coming with me...:p) followed by grandpa's birthday celebration dinner at night at his house.. thursday will be out the whole day again i guess.. making my way to thomson plaza to get my contacts done(hopefully i can wear them despite my bad eyesight...) and then lunch with mum.. think we're going out after that but it's not confirmed.. and i'm free today and friday.. haha.. do i seem that busy??

anywae, i'm suddenly so obsessed with another cute guy but this time round, it's not a taiwanese guy but a hong-konger.. haha.. i think he's quite cute(p.s he looks a little like wu zun) and shuai.. but his shuai-ness is different from shaowei and xiezhi.. can't quite explain.. guess it's the feeling bah?? but i think towards this cute guy, it's just a 3-minute hotness.. haha.. well who knows?? but i just think he's cute and shuai.. :) haha.. ok, got to go.. will update soon..!! :D

rite.. my medical exam is next wed.. and guess wad? i just found out that i need to do a blood test which means poking a needle into my skin.. oh shitty.. i cry at the tot of having to take an injection wad more a blood test.. luckily mum is willing to come with me.. argh.. can't believe it.. i've got low blood count , resulting in giddyness, and they still want to take my blood!! *starts whining* hopefully all will be fine and mum will stay with me till the end of my medical exam.. huh huh huh......

the week just come and go just like that! it's amazing how fast the days just fly pass us.. in 2 weeks' time or so, we're into the 4th month of the year! it's just so fast and yes, i'm starting school on 23rd April.. but orientation for me is on the 19th and 20th.. that is of course compulsory cause timetable and other school matters will be given out during the 2 days of orientation.. hopefully i dun have to report to school from monday to fridae.. haha... ok, it's just an excuse for me to just being.. pure lazy.. haha.. the past week wasn't as busy as i expected it to be.. as for this coming week, it's the week where i settle my poly enrolment matters.. will be having a medical exam this week(hopefully on tues, if i can make an appointment that day...) and i'm quite scared.. cause i've never ever done a medical exam before so this is my first.. and also partly cause, my holiday is slowly coming to a close and i'm so scared to being back in school where the environment is new, the friends are new.. almost everything is new but i know i'll manage to adapt back to life and i'll have fun with my new friends.. oh and i just realised i've been rather clingy to my family members especially to my mum.. mayb it's because after that incident, i've discovered and realised how precious and unpredictable life is and i've learnt to cherish those around me especially my family members.. so mayb that's the reason why i'm rather clingy.. owells.. it just takes time and i think if i can't get used to poly life, this could just be one of the reasons, could it??

omg!! saw a news online abt shaowei and xiezhi.. haha.. the producers of a show was supposedly choosing a male lead for a new taiwan idol drama.. they originally started with zhu xiao tian followed by shaowei! and then xiezhi! but unfortunately, here comes along ah du who "stole" the role from xiezhi if not, i think xiezhi would have ended up with the role.. haha.. but afterall, zhu xiao tian still sort of lost to 56 bah?? haha... owells...
this may be my fault but i dun feel that i'm in the wrong to pursue my own happiness...

yo! it's the march hols again although it makes not much of a diff to me since i'm still on vacation for another mth or so.. haha.. once again, i'm slacking at home but not alone, with my sis of course (but she's got work to do...) this week seems to be a busy week for my mum and my sis.. mum's out tmr, angel's out on wed, we're all home on thurs with little gabi and out to make passport on fri.. as for me, i may be gg out on wed.. but that will have to depend on hui yee and tracy.. owells.. if i'm gonna go shopping for a few clothings, my pocket will be burnt for sure.. and adding on to that, i just got myself a new pair of shoes.. gosh, will the amount in my bank account decrease again like nobody's business?? it wun if i control my finance... was thinking about some things last nite.. isn't life funny? we may be close to a friend but when it's time for parting, we seem to drift further awae when the friendship between others can yet remain close or even closer than before.. sometimes, i can yes understand that life is now different for all of us, but would that just mean that we'll lose contact with each other? mayb for some, we'll still hang out with each other and stuff but wad about others? wad about the promises we made to each other about being friends forever and not 4getting each other? sometimes i just feel it's all a pretence.. from me and from you.. a mere pretence that can be forgotten when we part.. if you're busy, i can understand.. but if you're not, and you're just ignoring my messages and avoiding me, then i guess you may be a true friend to others but not to me.. den mayb, our friendship wun last long cause you sometimes make me feel like i'm a substitute for others.. when your frens are busy and have no time to listen to you, you call and expect me to put aside wadeva i'm doing and listen to you.. yet when i call and hoping to get a listening ear, you seem to be busy with other things that are may be least important.. is that wad our friendship is worth? if you think our friendship is not worth a single thing and is worthless and useless, den i guess mayb this is just simply the end to our friendship..
P.S: this post is not referring to anyone and is just simply a small reflection on some of my frens whom i've seemed to have lost contact with..

back to work for 2 days.. today was the 1st day.. luckily got company otherwise i doubt i'll still be back working.. haha... feeling tired liao.. mayb i've not adjusted back yet to waking up early in the morning but i think i'll get used to it soon since i'll be back to school in a month's time.. thank goodness tmr's the last day den i wun have to go back in again.. not that i dun like the job but there's no company there so like yah.. and cause i've got company, although time seems to pass slowly, yet i'm not lonely.. thanks girl, you know who you are.. thx for the company and laughing you've gave me to kill the boring workload.. you're a gr8 help in making my day less boring.. haha.. anywae, i'll update sometime again.. my eyes are really drain out.. haha.. hopefully i can finish up my work and knock off early tmr like today.. :)

i've finished watching my vcd that i happily bought last week.. and i have to say i'm quite happy with the ending although i sort of expected how the story would end as in storyline wise and not who end up with who.. so yah.. but i've got smth bad to say.. i'm suffering from post-shaowei symptoms.. haha.. it's quite bad as compared to AQMFS.. haha.. but it's just because he's too shuai.. can't help it! the shaowei-craze came back lor.. haha.. and i just found out that my mum's fren's daughter is working for the magazine company, teenage.. so i was just thinking to myself, how nice if me and tracy can see 56 thru her.. although it wun be fair to others and again, i'm not very close to her so like yah... haha.. owells.. i'm just hoping to see shaowei and xiezhi asap.. haha.. and the post-shaowei symptoms will last for a few days i guess.. haha.. owells.. anywae, posting results will be out on tues.. hopefully i get to be accepted with li ting in the same course.. den at least in a wae or another, i've got company.. haha...

right, here's another post.. decided to blog despite being tired from a day of excitement to me..
headed out in the morning with mum and cousin, gabi, but i went to the bank to run some errands before meeting mum at bedok interchange.. went to buono vista, MOE, for my home econs teaching scheme interview.. was quite nervous and i think i sort of just screwed it up with my answers although tracy din think so.. well, hope everything goes well... will still have to make a final choice next week when i get my JAE posting and my interview results.. hopefully i'll make the right choice with His guidance.. after that, went to orchard to collect grandpa's medicine and fixed his watch although it was a wasted trip to seiko.. mum decided to get grandpa a new watch with contributions from her 4 daughters as a birthday gift for grandpa.. after that, we headed down to taka for lunch and did a bit of window shopping and buying since there was the post-CNY sale at S&K... so i joyfully and happily got myself a pair of jeans, a skirt and a shirt.. got angel a nice blouse which i tot was indeed quite nice and very angel(if you know wad i mean).. haha.. made mum spent a bomb today i guess! lunch was on her plus the clothings.. so obviously she spent close to a hundred today.. heehee.. after that, we came back home.. was rather tired after my shower so watched my vcd after talking to tracy.. was a bit "grouchy" with the phone calls and me having to answer them esp. when i'm so dead tired.. but i shan't blame the callers.. haha.. owells.. guess that's about it for today.. will blog again some other time.. haha... i truly enjoyed myself today cause it was a day with my dear mummy!! (and i hardly get to go out with her alone...) haha..

did some changes to my blog.. hopefully you who are reading this like it.. i tot it was rather plain and simple.. quite nice.. haha.. owells.. just realised that it takes time to ease a pain inflicted in your heart.. each time i enter my parents' room or walk past the altar in my house, memories float back.. the last few sentences that were exchanged on the phone.. the smiles and laughter i will miss forever.. i guess it really takes time and sometimes, i just hate myself for not being able to let go totally and completely and still dwell on the past.. i think some of you must be wondering why i'm such a nuisance, why i'm still dwelling on the past and why i am still mentioning these things on my blog but i just feel that i need a place to write it down, for friends to offer some words and stuff dat kind of thing.. and i believe that you as my friend, as you're reading this, i think you'll try to help me get past this 1st year without her around.. it's not easy.. imagine last year at this time, still here with us.. and now, no longer around.. you may be irritated with me for writing such stuff every now and den but i truly hope you will understand.. if you've never experience wad i'm experiencing, it's hard for you to understand.. but to all who have yet to experience yet can understand how i'm feeling, thanks for your kind understanding.. you've been great and i really appreciate your support for me.. willing to listen to wadeva i have to sae.. thanks! if i find it hard to adapt, they're finding it harder i guess.. but i know i've great frens like you, to help me out and talk to me.. thanks for all that!!
p.s today's the 22nd again.. 2 mths since she left us all... and i miss her lots..

here's a late night post.. haha.. things been rather tired for me this past week.. was working at a neighbourhood school doing sorting out of mcs and filing.. basically, it was more or less admin work but i just din touch the computer.. -.- my mum's fren, whose the vice-principal there, asked me to go in and continue working for abt a week or so and complete another 2 boxes of mcs.. in total, there were 3 boxes and i completed one box in 3 and a half days which wasn't an easy job.. just the sorting out took abt 2 and a half days.. currently considering if i should continue doing for another week or so and earn more money but have told my mum at the moment that i dun want to continue.. mayb it was because of my mum that's why i took up the job.. so guess will have to reconsider my decision since i doubt my mum will be there.. but i have to sae, my temp colleagues were quite nice and friendly so i quite enjoyed the atmosphere and the feeling of working there. haha. anywae, tmr's CNY's eve! will be going down to the grandparents' place for reunion dinner.. hopefully i get to watch my ch u cause got 56!! haha.. a bit too realistic.. CNY this year will never be the same from now on as before.. certain things have changed cause certain ppl whom we want them to be present is no longer around.. so i guess this year, most of the time will be spent at home other than visiting at my grandparents' place and one or two close relatives.. otherwise, i'll be at home.. if you wanna come visiting, do give me a call.. and it'll only be on tuesdae.. haha.. guess there'll still be visiting the 1st 2 days but not that many.. i guess those who read my blog will know why CNY will never be the same for me and my family.. ok... i shall cut the sad moments and end off my post.. haha.. till some time later.. bye bye..
P.S: i nv mention my o level results cause i think it's not worth mentioning when my other frens did better than me and deserve more praises than me.. and i dun wish to have comparisons and comments made about my results..

my stupid computer's lagging again.. all thx to my sister who installed some stupid programme, making the computer lagging.. argh.. anywae, as i was reading somebody else's blog, i also had wished the same thing as he wished before.. i had wished that everything that happened during late dec was all but a nightmare.. i had even dreamt that wad was told to me wasn't true but a nightmare.. but i guess i had already faced reality.. it is all reality but not a nightmare.. nothing beats more painful than losing a loved one.. that, i guess, would also mean that the pain of a break-up or a rejection is nothing as compared to facing a loved one being lifeless.. but i know all this is just a parcel of life.. and i'm still getting used to such a life especially when it comes to sunday(even though i dun show it on my face).. i was helping my mum tape some containers just now and i suddenly thought of how different my life is now and in the past.. i guess it makes not much of a difference to others, but it does make a difference to my family, even if it's not a big difference.. well, but life continues for this is reality.. i mean, we can't continue to deceive ourselves and live in a world of lies so i guess we all have to awake and return to reality.. well, that is it for me.. owells, although this nightmare has sort of ended, but our lives have all been changed by this nightmare but she'll continue to live in our hearts..

* i dun wish for 9th feb to come at all..

gonna blog about today!! haha.. went out with tracy to watch movie today.. went to plaza sing and me, being the road idiot, obviously got lost.. haha.. of course, i called for help and thus, got to plaza sing safely.. haha.. so we went to catch the movie, Happy Birthday.. personally found it quite nice.. touching that the male and female lead loved each other, yet never were together as a couple.. both knew their feelings for each other.. but i found the ending quite sad.. if you haven't watch, den go watch.. but if you dun intend to watch yet wanna know the ending, den ask me.. haha.. i'll be glad to tell you.. haha... so we went window shopping and as we were leaving, we saw 2MORO!! haha.. tracy just pulled my bag from the back and i asked her wad was it, then she told me to look and we saw them.. actually they quite good-looking.. not bad but i still like my dear.. haha.. so yes, tracy, i've blogged about it and this is COPYRIGHTED!! DUN COPY AND PASTE ON YOUR BLOG, OK!!!! haha..

haiz.. zhi's sick again.. down with the flu.. not sure if it's recently or a while ago but just found out.. although it's not very obvious but still, i hope he knows that health matters more sia especially now that he's even more busy with work since mr boss is not around at the moment i guess.. and i think other than being busy with grp stuff, he's being promoted to xuan chuan zong jian.. but not surprising lah since he's been giving speeches at j-star events.. haha.. i think tracy will know who i talking about, rite tracy?? haha.. owells, hope he get well soon and dun come down with a fever ok, "lao gong"... haha.. TRACY, i'm still "sun tai" hor.. haha.. anywae, i've decided to stop bothering and stay away from him as much as i can so as to avoid trouble from him and her.. so that's bout it..

p.s is 'o' level results really coming out on the 9th feb??

i like the lyrics of fan fan's song, 到不了, so i decided to post the lyrics here:

你眼睛会笑 弯成一条桥
终点却是我 永远到不了
感觉你来到 是风的呼啸
思念像苦药 竟如此难熬 每分每秒
我找不到 我到不了
你所谓的 将来的美好
我什麽都不要 知不知道 若你懂我 这一秒
我想看到 我在寻找
那所谓的 爱情的美好
我紧紧的依靠 紧谨守牢
不敢漏掉 一丝一毫 愿你看到

do a short update first.. was watching wan yu yesterdae and saw lele's picture.. she is just sooooo cute!! chubby chubby one.. very cute.. well, his family photo was shown on tv and i have to sae the photos were very very very nice!! and qin was just so pretty, fu just so shuai and lele, just so cute!! haha.. very happy for them.. can sense that fu is really indeed very happy and he's grown up, that's most important.. pics can be seen on j-star website and i saw dear!! so shuai lah he... guess there'll be quite a bit of their news every now and den especially now that love miracle 3 - rock rules will be released soon so yah.. yeah!! anywae, saw him on sundae in church but i din talk to him or approach him.. just felt it would be awkward if he asked me abt my previous post but i think you(you know who you are, i hope...) and i will know how to settle this problem if we ever talk abt it.. and i'm really hoping you really know who i'm talking about.. if my fren can tell who i'm talking about, i hope you know too..

if i can, i wish i never knew you.. i wish we were never friends.. cause sometimes, u just hurt my feelings without unknowingly.. sometimes, u just seem ignorant about those around you.. you never say hi to me on normal days when we meet.. yet you come asking me if i was angry with you that incident which i think you never did remember.. i wish you would bother about my feelings and be of a nuisance to me.. i wish you would say hi to me online and how was my dae.. i wish you would talk to me more often.. all these and the many more wishes from me about you.. but one thing i know for sure.. you will never disappear from my life now.. you will only treat me as a friend, as a sister and not the way i want to be treated.. and you will never bother about me.. if you're reading this, i hope you know who you are.. i sometimes had enough of me being crazy over you cause it's impossible between us.. sometimes, the feeling just die awae but each time i see you, the feeling comes back a little.. if you din show me any concern during that period, mayb i wun discover my feelings for you have come back.. you will never knew that i broke down when i learnt about the two of you together.. you never knew how awkward i felt that time during the performance at your school with you two acting a little lovey-dovey yet you asked if i was ok.. but could i sae" no, i'm not ok.."?? if only i din know you, mayb all this will never have happened.. yet, i know this is all too late cause we're frens and i guess, we'll foreva be frens.. and no more than frens..

currently downloading some game so tot would do a little blogging.. life's been all slightly better for all of us but there's still some crying now and den by mum.. but everything's more or less fine.. had catechists' AGM yesterdae.. started crying when a tribute was paid to my aunt.. and i'm not the only one.. my sisters also cried but i wasn't sure about those who knew my aunt.. was slightly better after that but was still a little bit emotional.. mama chris told the P2 catechists that although my aunt is no longer around with them, but they've got me, her niece.. and of course, whether or not my aunt is still around todae, i wun disgrace her.. so yah, that was yesterdae.. throughout the week, did quite a number of things.. went back to school to see C.O and teachers (and i did see some of them..) and turned down a job offer due to lack of confidence of not being able to like the job... so i'm still currently waiting for results and slacking awae at home.. but to others, they can't seem to understand why i'm slacking at home.. it's the past experience at XXX company.. i dun wanna repeat my mistake that's why i'm slacking at home but they nv seem to be able to understand.. mayb even my parents included.. owells.. ok, i've got to go now.. will do another update when i have the mood to do so.. haha..

As i passed by KC this afternoon, i realised how much i miss KC.. the school, the teachers and the friends made there(although i still keep in touch with them..) hopefully i get to go back to see teachers asap...

resolutions for 2007, current feelings

It's the new year!! sorry for late wishes but hey people!! HAPPY 2007!! feeling slightly better but still, at the sight of my cousin missing my aunt and my uncle, the memories all return.. at the point of telling people how they are doing, the memories also all return.. like wad i mentioned in my previous post, it's hard to let go and stay strong, but dun worry, i'll try my best to let go bit by bit and to stay strong and let me life continue for i know that my aunt wun want our lives to stop just because she is no longer around but it all takes time.. [and i know with the support of frens, i will stay strong.. ] anywae my resolutions for this year is try to lose a little weight and cherish my loved ones around me.. i dun wish to regret it when it is too late for we are unable to predict wad will happen in the future for life is so unpredictable.. of course, listen to my parents.. and most importantly, hopefully to be able to get good grades for 'O' levels and work real hard in poly.. anywae, 'O' level results shld be released in feb after CNY!!