i wish shaowei can go back to 56

it's been weeks since i last blogged? not very long though but time seems to past very fast.. and since i'm blogging todae, guess todae's post will be rather long.. firstly, saw renfu and ji mei mei's news.. can't believe that renfu will actually do it.. bt now, he doesn't want it.. for those who know wad i'm talking(people like tracy), will know wad happen.. just can't believe it and i seriously hope he'll want it if it's true and be responsible for it.. that's wad 56 is alwaes asking fans to do rite? be responsible for our actions.. so i feel renfu should yi shen zuo ze..
secondly, celebrated my birthday in a rather pathetic wae though.. was alone at home (other than my younger sis whom i hardly tok to) yesterdae.. went TM, hoping to get my J-star mag but no.. there wasn't.. so in the end, i bought S.H.E's cd!! haha.. quite nice though although i dun quite like some of their songs but i'm not a fan of them so it's ok.. just supported them cause the songs i liked were really nice..
thirdly, i screwed my physics practical.. my readings were off and if i'm rite, were different from the readings of those in the 2nd shift.. hopefully i'll be able to pass my practical.. even if it's just a border line pass.. at least it's a pass and i'll try hard for paper 1 and paper 2..
fourthly, just visited J-star website.. i so agree!! i really wish shaowei can go back to 56 and ignore 183 club.. i agree with wad some of the fans at the forum sae.. as to wad i see, shaowei seems happier and not so stressed with 56.. he can go crazy with 56 and dun have to bother much about his image.. also, it seems 183 looks down on 56? i dunno about it but i think they(excluding shaowei) dun seem to regard 56 as their seniors.. mayb only 1 or 2.. so yah.. bt i do think shaowei really ought to focus just on 56.. he's just tiring himself out..
and lastly, A BIG THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU FOR UR BIRTHDAY WISHES!! REALLY APPRECIATE IT A LOT!! U PEOPLE ACTUALLY MADE MY DAY EVEN THOUGH MY BIRTHDAY COINCIDED WITH PHYSICS PRACTICAL!! BUT THX TO ALL OF YOU!! LOVE YOU GUYS LOTSA!! :)))
ok, i've gtg.. will have to get back to my books soon.. haiz.. owells.. prelims are coming so can't slack anymore and do i really seem that stressed to you people?? i've lost my wire for my digi cam.. how great!!

felt so lost the week when i last blogged.. that's why that "sucidal post".. bt i'm fine now.. teachers are going at a rate where i can once again get things done on time.. and it was because of that week which dragged on to this past week that i fell sick.. came down with bad sore throat on wednesdae and can you believe it? i was still in good condition on mondae nite!! owells.. but thankfully i fell sick at the rite time though.. and first time this year whr i went home during school hours.. so i missed chemistry which i admit, i wanted to miss cause it was practical and of course, the most slacking subject to me now -- chinese.. dad came to pick me up from school after my english compre test.. ms gammar was nice to let me take the test first.. went to visit the doc on thursdae bt there wasn't any school that dae so didn't have to really worry abt missing any lessons.. but was a bit blur and quiet when i went back to school on fridae.. the cough mixture that my doc gave made me drousy and i couldn't really focus.. msged hui yee the nite b4 and after asking her smth, ended up having a casual sms session.. she actually told me to come to school for the chemistry and a maths class test.. haha.. quite surprising though bt thought it wun be a good idea coming to school half wae just to take the tests and obviously, i screwed both tests.. esp. a maths.. didn't have a slight idea on how to go about doing the paper.. but i'm prepared to fail though cause i didn't really spend much time preparing for maths.. chemistry was slightly better but think i made some stupid mistakes but thankfully, chemistry is not included in the CA but this a maths class test is.. but then again, CA marks aren't counted in prelims.. so may be i shouldn't worry so much yet i can't help worrying abt the Cs and Bs appearing in my report book at the end of this term.. mum will surely nag at me and tell me to stay awae from the tv.. but helloz?? on average, i watch only abt 1 to 2 hrs of TV every day not including the hours during meal times.. so i think it's considered quite good alr lor.. and i need time to relax, ok? even my tuition teacher sae i shld stay awae from the tv.. yet the shows played are like once a week only? other than wan yu.. owells... i know it's time to mug and study for prelims yet it seems so difficult sometimes.. esp when there's the temptation to watch and play.. but i of course know my limits so i doubt i shouldn't worry? mayb with God's spirit watching over me, i'll overcome all those temptations bah? really dunno.. this blog has actually become my weekly post-age of posts.. so naturally, the posts will obviously be longer.. after so many weeks, i saw him.. again.. but the feeling's gone.. and i'm not letting him affect my life though.. for now, studies come first.. that's all that matters..

decided to do my blogging.. suddenly felt down after my shower this evening.. actually it started at the end of the day when mrs chua said that there were 2 failures for the maths test out of which 1 was from the 36 girls studying a maths(including me).. think i'm gonna fail cause i didn't know how to do the questions and i drew the wrong graph cause i didn't read instructions and i started to panic.. in all, i didn't really complete the paper.. still feeling down though.. hoping someone could and would call and tok to me.. but i dun think the person i wanna tok to will call.. so yah.. broke down and cried again this evening.. suddenly felt the stress of not being able to do homework and at the tot of scoring low for tests.. i screwed my maths test alr.. not that i wanted to.. there's so many things that i wanna sae but just can't sae.. even on my blog.. i'm just breaking down.. life's been terrible for me this year.. i'm unable to cope with the stress and wad not.. and even while typing this, i'm breaking down.. seriously, sometimes i wonder would life be better for me if i just end it now.. i'm scared.. scared i'm unable to fulfil the standards ppl want me to achieve.. scared of results and the disappointment i'll bring to myself and those around me.. would life just be better for me if i close my eyes and nv wake up again.. i apologise for all this "suicidal" notes but i'm fine.. just need to get them off my chest.. otherwise i'll fall sick bottling these depressed feelings in me.. i know i should believe in HIM but i can't.. i know he'll make my life and daes to come better but i can't.. can someone just tell me what to do.. i'm really at a loss..

basically, i'm tired.. real tired.. the weekend doesn't seem to be giving me enuf rest.. was out the whole afternoon till evening in church for my rite of sending forth and saw mark.. my sister's cathechism partner.. after that went over to mike's place to come back home with his family for dinner.. ended up reading my book and hearing him go crazy with clare.. so yah.. didn't rest until 1 a.m.. stayed up to do some reading of my mag.. den today, woke up to go to church for mass and didn't reach home until close to 6? helped out with the P3 workshop.. though it was tiring, bt i enjoyed myself.. there was one activity called trustwalk.. felt bored and decided to play along.. was quite fun and the aim of the game was to trust your child or rather for me, to trust my sister.. almost at the end, my second sister nearly made me bump right into the wall since i was blindfolded and couldn't see.. overall, it was real fun and will be helping out again next week.. bt at least i've got saturdae to rest and sleep in.. finally reach home and was watching 'The magicians of love' just now and was literally falling asleep.. was really tired.. shall get my rest tonite by sleeping early..
anywae, as i was saying i was in church this afternoon helping out with the P3 workshop and i forgot i had to wear blue top.. so in the end, i ended up gg to clare's place to borrow a shirt.. when i went back to the P3 classroom, everyone in there including my sis and mark was like ' i love boys' and they started laughing.. and i think mark asked me a question but i didn't answer him? so yah.. after that went to bedok interchange and there i got myself a new blue blouse and a pink spaghetti strap.. haiz.. wanted to get a halter but they didn't have my size so yah.. but it's ok.. haha.. owells.. will be online for a while more b4 i'm off to getting ready for tmr and to fall asleep.. haha.. next update: fridae, 28th july (if i have any thing to update abt..)

special request by caroline for me to update my pathetic, dying blog.. haha.. anywae, school's been boring for the last 3 daes.. felt it was a totally waste of time while others may be feel it's a good break from studies for 3 days.. reason? had BMW for 3 days with racial harmony day todae.. brought my maths to do in class.. result of dying of boredem from these (i felt) unnecessary events despite having it annually.. owells.. got confirmed last sundae!! like.. finally.. haha.. mum did reading and dad did holy communion.. took quite a number of pics bt i tot it was quite little still.. >.< style="font-weight: bold;">hui yee didn't cause she had 2 daes MC.. sometimes, i really wonder if such things are real or fake especially when you see that person jumping around healthily the previous dae.. not that i'm implying people are betraying my trust but yah.. owells.. there's tuition and piano for me only tmr morning.. did quite 2 maths papers but i just didn't time myself that's all.. after that, coming home if i dun intend to go to TM to see if i can get my J-star mag.. get some rest, have lunch, take a shower and i'm out of the house again to go to church for rite of sending forth and to get my certificate and photos of last sunday.. godma's coming over for dinner with uncle daniel, clare and michael.. have no idea wad i am gonna talk to them about but i think i'll manage it well.. haha.. hopefully.. anywae, gotta get going.. will try to update again when i have the time.. :p caroline!! dun say i nv update ok? my loyal blog reader.. haha..

make this a short post b4 i'm off to dreamland.. this week's been quite ok.. slowly adapting back to the streesful and sucky school life.. received my prelims timetable and i hate my physics practical.. of all daes in august, it has to be on my burfday.. 24TH AUGUST!! it just has to be on that day.. whether or not i'm in shift 1 or not, i think it will just spoil my day.. of course, i'm hoping to be in shift 1 den can get it over and done with.. prelim dates are out and a sense of fear has just descended upon me.. it's a kind of fear that is undescribeable.. and it's scary.. i'm neither feeling slack or hardworking.. i'm just neutral and that's scary cause i dunno how well i can do for prelims.. serious.. i just have to ask GOD to help me.. owells.. there's piano and tuition tmr.. managed to complete my tuition hw but not within 2 hours[given time] and i think i didn't put in my best.. mainly because i was watching the tv while doing it, secondly, i was quite drained and completed the assignment for the sake of having to complete it.. health hasn't been in tip-top condition since tuesdae? have been getting the flu almost every night.. and the stupid pimple on my nose is painful and it wun go awae.. confirmation's on sundae.. hopefully my pimple wun make it so obvious and my pics ugly.. anywae, gotta go offline now.. need to get up real early tmr for piano and tuition.. haiz.. just dun feel like gg..

friday:
went for school's EMDD with collaboration with SJI.. the performance was great.. went with mike, clarice and his fren, jonathon.. haha.. supposedly to meet clarice den go with her bt mummy made me go with michael.. so i went with him... was feeling quite bad cause promised clarice to go with her.. so anywae, we reacher SJI at ard 7.10.. and my dear god-bro still was like if we dun make it there on time, pls take off your heels and run, k? >.< bt luckily we reached there on time bt clarice was late.. so me and his fren went in first.. during the interval, we went to look for them and we went to the entrance.. sylvia tot jonathon was my boyfren.. haha.. very farnie.. saw sueann, aretha and cheryl ng!! after that we went back in and continue the show.. after the show, mike was gg to have supper with his frens so he gt clarice to send me home and i was toking to hui yee to ease the awkwardness btw me and them.. so yah.. that was yesterdae..
sat:
was at home in the afternnon b4 gg to church for mass.. got my new glasses!! didn't make much of a difference though just that my degree went higher and my frames are slightly thinner.. so yah.. tmr's my sister's graduation.. gg all the way down to NUS.. think will feel tired.. haiz.. school's starting in a day's time? back to a new week and it's alr week 3!! how time pass lah.. soon it'll be prelims.. den 'O' levels!! *gasped* gosh.. will work superb-ly hard for prelims.. hopefully my L1R5 can be as low as possible..

can't believe i just broke down today after hearing the news.. i mean, i can't help it.. it's just too sudden and he confirmed it with me himself.. gosh.. just wad exactly is happening to me? but then again, i'm happy that he found someone he liked.. i wanted to type smth bt decided not to just in case he ever pass by my blog and sees this.. den i'm dead meat.. haha.. owells.. bt i just found it too sudden as in.. he? at this age? like woa.. i didn't even expect he would get one at this age and point of time and it so happen i know the girl but i dunno if the girl know me.. haha.. owells.. anywae, back to smth happy bt still related to him.. i'm gg for emdd this year!! to support KC's production and gisella and berlyn!! afterall, we're classmates and i've known gisella for 4 yrs so shld at least go and support, huh? bt i'm not gg alone.. i'm gg with him.. owells.. hopefully no one i know misunderstand us that nite.. haha.. bt that would also mean that i can't watch my lu guang and ge dou!! :( haiz.. bt for gissy, i'll sacrifice.. like woah!! wad a big sacrifice!! >.< haha.. so yup, overall, i'm gg.. had a chinese compo test cum competition yesterdae.. ms teh returned us our papers - unmarked - cause it was badly done and she read mine out in class again.. foreva.. and wad did she say? an essay that was at least correctly written.. i didn't have much confidence in that essay cause it was btw me and IT.. so yah.. oh, IT and him is 2 diff. persons.. so yah.. haiz.. hopefully i do well for this compo test cum competition.. yikes!! there's a maths test tmr.. better go and do some review on it b4 mum comes home and sees me on the com.. haha...

WHEE!! feeling a bit high now.. just went to the new j-star website.. it's super nice!! and 56 now got their own personal blog!! of course, other j-star members too.. that's great.. then can go and see how they are doing.. esp. xiezhi.. he's so cute in his post.. and ok, i'm a bit slow.. the new website was established at the beginning of this month.. haha.. bt nvm.. he finally got his own blog.. so does shaowei and mengzhe.. zhi's leaving at the end of this month (that's wad he said) to the mainland for a new show.. think will miss him lotsa.. hopefully wan yu hold a farewell party for him afterall, he alwaes come and dai ban wan yu if shaowei or mengzhe cannot make it and also he update his blog often though he isn't very good at it.. haha.. anywae, school's beginning tmr.. drats.. this means that lesser time will have to be spent on the tv and of course, the computer.. i dun think i'll come online during weekdays unless it's really necessary.. and of course, i'm gonna miss reading j-star blogs regularly.. haha.. owells.. anywae, off to read more artistes blogs!! haha..

didn't intend to blog until i saw caroline's blog.. haha..

1.Do the following WITHOUT complains
2. Choose 5 people to do this after you completed yours
3. Leave a tag on the person's tagboard to say he/she have been tagged
4. Start your post with "I have been tagged!"

"I have been tagged!" by caroline.. haha.. :p
Favourites

Favourite Colour: purple and blue
Favourite Food: homecooked food and anything else that is yummy!!
Favourite Song: mainly chinese songs that people find it's too cheena..
Favourite Movie: not a movie person
Favourite Sport: swimming?
Favourite Day of the Week: fridays and sats..
Favourite Season: i dun mind all!!
Favourite Ice Cream: YAM!! bt it's fattening..

Currents

Current Mood: ???
Current taste: i didn't eat anything since after lunch..
Current Clothes: shirt and shorts..
Current Desktop: 56's picture!! haha.. typical 56 fan..
Current Toenail Colour: colourless
Curent Time: 1724h (time when i'm doing this now..)
Current Surroundings: sister walking up and down the hse with the tv in her room on..
Current Annoyances: HW not done,,
Current Thoughts: my leg's hurting and i'm supposed to rub it..

First

First Best Friends: all are good frens, very good frens.. nt really best frens..
First Crush: not saying.. bt i think some ppl are able to guess...
First Movie: can't rmb?
First Lie: also can't rmb.. i've got short term memory yet i can rmb almost everything to do with 56
First Music: piano!!

Lasts

Last Cigarette: i NV smoke cause smoking is unhealthy..
Last Drink: water..
Last Car Ride: a few hrs ago..
Last Crush: not saying.. duh..
Last Movie: pirates of the carribean? which was yrs ago?
Last Phone Call: tara which was yesterdae..
Last CD played: zhang shanwei's first album - shi xin feng

Have you ever

Have you ever dated one of your best friend: definitely not!!
Have you ever broken the law: wad kind of law??
Have you ever been arrested: nah.. i'm a guai kia..
Have you ever skinny-dipped: no.. i'm conservative..
Have you ever been on TV: yup..
Have you ever kissed someone you dont know: no.. my first kiss is impt!!

5 things you are wearing: necklace, earrings, shirt, shorts and... idunnowadelse..
4 things you done today: gone to church, bathed, watch tv and complete another 1/5 of my eng hw..
3 things you can hear right now: my sisters' tv, my typing on the keyboard and.. my sister's voice..
1 thing you do when you are bored: eat!! bt it makes me put on weight.. -.-
5 People to do this: clare, char tan, michele and any other 2 who wants to do this..
END OF SURVEY!

suddenly had the urge to start blogging.. haiz... was reading aretha's blog just now.. and it triggered my tots and reflections.. time do pass very fast.. 2003, i entered KC.. entered a new environment and made new and many frens.. 2004, the bonds btw frens grew stronger and affairs of the heart just struck me.. made even more frens thru a new cca and better friendships with frens from the same class.. almost at the end of 2004, was nominated to be a prefect with hui yee and others bt i rejected.. didn't see the need to become one and lose my frens if they couldn't understand my duty.. and i didn't and wun regret my decision though i sometimes feel i shldn't have reject it.. 2005, the same thing happened.. a new class with new classmates.. had fun with them though we weren't very united as compared to my former class.. 2006, final year in KC.. sitting for 'O' levels in a few months and getting more and more scared yet that kind of fearfulness cannot be explained and may be can't even be experienced for some others.. i nv knew that time would actually pass so soon.. just like for church, it's been 10 years and in july, i'm gonna officially end cathechism with my confirmation.. i suddenly have this fear.. this fear of doing badly in exams, this fear of not doing to wad is expected of me be it by parents or family or even myself.. i just don't know now.. i feel at a loss.. it seems everything's coming to an end.. in school and in cathechism classes.. after this year, will we ever meet again? will we ever meet up for chats and parties.. and will the closest of the closest of my frens ever lose contact with me? or the frens whom i've known for 10 years.. i really dunno.. all these just seem to have triggered me.. these tots and feelings.. i have this sense of fearfulness that can nv be described in this point of time.. mayb like wad renfu said, at this point of time, other than studying, i really dunno wad to do and wad my life is becoming.. is it becoming more fruitful or is it becoming more useless.. haiz.. owells.. there's nth i can do much abt it, rite? other than focusing on my studies now and try to do as well as possible for 'O' levels?? anywae, school is starting again next week.. when school starts, i'll be busy with exams, with prelims, with tests and of course, with stress.. think will not be online as often.. if i can come online once every 2 weeks or once a month, i think it would be quite ok.. then i can have more time in studying for my exams and tests and focus more on studies.. bt will i be able to do it? hopefully so if GOD give me the strength and determination and HE will help me through the next half of the year until after 'O' levels... owells.. i have to get back to my maths.. gtg now.. tata...

back from camp yesterdae.. actually i came back on sat. nite.. haha.. wasn't feeling well so came home.. felt like puking after dinner.. could be the food bah.. oh and i wasn't the only one who came back home.. michael also went back.. he also nt feeling bt i went back on sun morning, he didn't.. tsk tsk.. haha.. so basically, saturdae was just reflections, reflections and MORE reflections.. was quite sleepy and slept each time they told us to close our eyes and think.. of course, i did some thinking lah.. so yah.. yesterdae was feeling slightly better and the programmes were also better.. had games in the morning after breakfast till lunch.. was quite hot and sweaty after the games.. so me and char went to take a shower b4 lunch and thank goodness we came first.. otherwise we would have to wait for ages.. cause there was only one shower.. >.<>.< haha.. bt it was ok lah.. afterall, it's not like i like him so yah.. owells, yesterdae marked the end of me having fun and relaxing.. it's back to mugging and doing and completing all my hol. hws this last 2 weeks of hols.. gosh, it's so fast and i'm still rushing thru hw.. shall be a good girl and do my hw everydae.. hopefully.. OUR JOURNEY BEGAN WITH A JIGSAW PUZZLE SO OUR JOURNEY SHALL THUS END WITH A JIGSAW PUZZLE.. that was wad marcus said to us yesterdae at the last minor session.. think will miss the sundae 8.45am cathechism class after confirmation esp. those who i seldom see and those who have been in the same class as me since pri. 1 like char who kept me company and vice versa during the camp.. will we ever meet again for some of us? i really dunno..

gosh.. got back results.. gotten a damn scolding from mum (which actually i think i deserved it) bt.. i just feel that when it comes to results, i just feel that when i do not as well as wad they expected, yes, scolding shld be given bt at least give some words of encouragement.. and when i do well, there's no words of praise or encouragement.. so was really a bit pissed off and upset until after watching wan yu which really made me happy again..

i seriously think if you ask me, that my mum isn't a good mum.. as in, during the exam period, she didn't even bother to ask me how was my exams.. instead she was more worried for the class that she was doing relief teaching for.. she actually showed me that she didn't really bother abt my exams and grades bt when the results show, she just start blaming everything on me.. and after telling her i wanna go poly, she seemed so against it.. bt no matter at the end of the year, even if i can make it to jc, i wun go jc, i rather go poly.. seriously and i mean it.. i really wonder if she ever bother to find out how i'm feeling.. and the best thing was she actually cursed her future grand-daughter will be like me.. -.- some stupid mother of mine.. i'm sorry to sae this bt this is just wad i see at times..

owells.. shan't make myself upset over this.. afterall, i'm prepared to do some hard work the next half of the year.. nt because of her, bt for myself and for XIEZHI!! haha... as in seriously, he alwaes wanted us, fans to do our best in studies and in wadeva we do.. so yah, i shld do my best for HIM and for myself and nt for my stupid parents (mean of me to sae that bt to me, again, it's smth that i see).. anywae, having tots of dropping a maths.. toked to mrs ooi and my nanny abt it.. haven't toked to the parents and my tuition teacher yet.. will ask my tuition teacher abt it tmr.. as for the parents, my nanny saed she'll try to tok my mum into letting me drop if i really decide to.. cause mrs ooi is actually trying to get me to try again.. bt i just dun see the point of continuing it if i can't do well in it.. that's the prob.. owells.. i just dunno lah.. will think abt it and tok to my tuition teacher den see how.. anywae, i bought myself a new skirt and a new halter!! cool.. spent 30 bucks on it.. :p haha.. bt it's nice.. shall go and get more of halters and mini skirts and nt bother abt wad the parents think cause it's my life nt theirs!!

gt back results over the last 3 daes.. nt exactly dat fantastic.. and i mean it.. it's all average passes or border line fail and i can't stand it when that happens esp. if you can't find the extra marks that is needed.. -.- so yah.. here's my results (range given only..)

english : 55-60, C5
e maths : 50-54, C6
a maths : 40-44, E8
chinese: 60-64, B4
geog : 50-54, C6
combined humans : 35-39, F9
chemistry : 45-49, D7
physics : 50-54, C6

i can't believe i actually pass physics and failed chem.. and my chem is stronger than my physics.. bt den again, the physics paper was frm the TYS so naturally, we done well.. -.- actually failed e maths but mrs chua was so nice dat she looked for marks for me to pass.. and she scolded me in return for being lazy and etc.. bt come to think of it, the paper was difficult so it wasn't exactly my fault.. ok, mayb it was my fault but still.... failed a maths and combined humans terribly.. as in yes, terribly.. and i passed geog!! whee!! haha.. however, that's nth to be proud of.. and i needed a few more marks to get my B3 for chinese.. damn upset.. feel so disappointed in myself this term just based on results and tell you honestly, i haven't really done my best.. cause if i did, this wun be the results i'm getting.. but nvm!! after i've enjoyed my day tmr, i'll work hard frm sundae onwards in preparation for chinese 'O's.. and i mean it!! gonna see dear tmr!! miss him lotsa!! that's great and his other pals.. haha.. finally after how long... think will be damn happy and tired tmr.. bt it's worth it.. owells.. gotta buck up during the hols.. and i think mrs ooi will wanna see mum and dad cause of my results.. haiz.. i promise i will work harder this time round.. I PROMISE!! i think i've let mum and dad down.. -.-

EXAMS ARE OVER!! yes.. for the time being though.. haha.. but at least i get a break frm books.. ok, mayb except for chinese.. had chinese LC todae and b4 we left, our nice chinese teachers gave us a surprise by giving us chinese papers to do, to prepare us for the coming GCE 'O' levels in like 3 weeks time?? ok, mayb less than 3 weeks.. but seriously, i dun mind doing so long as i am able to get an A for chinese(preferably an A1)... but of course, i've got to put in my own effort as well.. but overall, exams are over.. haha.. i think i screwed up most of my papers.. ok, mayb all except chinese and mayb physics.. haha.. but still... in conclusion, i think i'll damn badly for my papers.. afterall, they're just killing us with them.. so yah.. haha.. fell sick during the exam period which was terrible and it so happened that i came down with fever on my geography and chemistry paper.. haha.. but i'm still fine though with a little runny nose.. haha.. anywae, i'm gg on a nini shopping spree tmr with nicole.. wah.. after so many years of knowing her, we're finally gg out together without caro and gang.. haha.. wierd huh?? but it's fine with me cause at least we get to tok abt things we seldom tok abt in school.. haha... so yah.. will be gg shopping tmr.. and on tuesdae to celebrate that girl's burfdae.. haha.. owells..

just a short post b4 i get back to my books.. been busy with tests and the upcoming exams these few daes.. stay in school till late afternoon for extra maths lessons and other lessons as well.. been really tired, physically and mentally, and numb to all that is happening but still, i've got feelings so still feel a bit exhausted and tired of all that tired.. just had brokedown again last nite and early this morning but it wasn't anything much.. just wanted to let out my feelings so like yah.. feeling only a little better.. i think will be feeling this wae for the next 2 to 3 weeks till exams are over.. oh!! my dad asked me to study hard for exams and my reply was " that is if i dun get a mental block during that exam.." haha.. and he had nth else to sae.. i mean, for those who know me well, know i get mental blocks during exams.. ok, mayb not only exams but tests.. so how bad can that be?? so yah, just hopefully i dun get a mental block during the coming exams and yesterdae i had a chinese test.. sort of CA.. i think i'm not gonna get my A.. reason being i didn't do the last question of compre that was worth of 12 marks!! 12 marks you know!! gosh!! i think i'm just gonna do badly for that paper.. but luckily it's not counted in the exam but still.. i can only sae i'm disappointed in myself this term.. very disappointed.. haiz..

i shall state my stand!! i'm not angry with her which = to i'm not being petty.. it's just that i dun feel i'm at fault and i shldn't be the first one to sae sry.. get it?? this all happened when she kicked me just becoz' she tot i was the one who pushed her( but it wasn't me..) and she didn't even open her eyes to see who was standing behind her and expectedly tot it was me who pushed her.. and yes, although i did hit her, but she was the one who kicked me first and did not sae sorry even though she knew she was wrong.. and if she did sae sorry, i wun have hit her.. and even if she said sorry and i hit her, i would also have said sorry.. but NO~~ she didn't sae sorry.. so if that's the case, shldn't she be the one who is supposed to apologise now and not me?? and she's not only angry over this stupid matter but those that happen in the past too.. now that it is wad i call PETTY!! and i'm not even angry with her when she hit me when i didn't lor..

i mean, i've had enough.. all these years, i think i've been too nice.. giving into people and alwaes end up at the losing end.. and alwaes the one who has to sae sorry first even if i'm not the one at fault.. is this fair?? fair to me?? i dun think so.. i've really had enuf.. ok, if i tot i was in the wrong i would apologise and even if i feel i'm not wrong but in actual fact, i am, i will apologise cause my conscience will bug me.. but now, i dun feel i'm wrong and my conscience is not bugging me.. i'm just too nice.. letting people get over my head.. sometimes i feel i shld actually stop being too nice.. only being nice to people who deserve me being kind to them.. but to such a person like her, i dun think so lor.. yes, i admit, i may be a bit unreasonable at times but helloz?? at least i try to stop being unreasonable and admit i'm at fault.. but she?? stupid petty person.. sometimes i feel, i dun have such a fren like her is fine with me.. i dun care for such a petty fren like her.. and i mean it.. if i really lose such a fren, it's fine with me.. afterall, i can be an introvert.. gosh, just toking abt her just makes me wanna puke.. can't believe i'm blogging this... ANYWAE, TRACY, I'M NOT IMPLYING YOU'RE AT FAULT OK?? JUST TYPING IT BIG SO THAT YOU CAN SEE!! HAHA..

i can't believe i actually cried!! and i was the first to start crying.. todae was the last dae of c.o practice for the sec 4s after which we officially step down.. we had practice till 5 and when i tot i could come home, the comm gave us a surprise and gave us a farewell party.. mdm foo spoke a few words to us.. and when cheryl and gresilda gave me wad they made, i asked whether after reading the notes inside the bottle will cry and b4 they could sae anything, i just started crying!! i'm just being too emotional.. and i feel like i'm contradicting myself.. one min sae i can't be bothered with C.O, the next minute i'm crying.. haha.. i guess gg for C.O practices these 3 years ever since i joined C.O, really sort of made a difference in my life.. frm every week stay back on wednesdae and fridaes to now no more staying back till 6p.m to practice, i think i'll just miss the times i've had in C.O and the memories my juniors and C.O has given me.. really touched by wad cheryl and gresilda did.. just wanna sae a big THANK YOU to them!! will go back to visit those little juniors whenever i'm free..

next, yesterdae's wan yu was my dear and zhe!! haha.. was so kuai to sit there and watch other than missing a little to brush up.. but yah.. was damn high last nite.. but rather tired and i am still tired.. there's tuition and piano and you know wad's the gd news?? i didn't have time to practice.. haha.. owells.. just run thru my pieces tmr and play!! afterall frm next week onwards, will have an extra of 6 hrs to spend each afternoon so can use that time to practice piano, study and do my revision or hw!!! haha..

will make this short and sweet.. firstly, WELL DONE 406!! nv been so happy to see how united our class was.. for family dae, our earnings was the highest among the whole school and it was all thx to our hard work and cooperations that family dae was a success and it did prove that if 406 wanted to be united to accomplish things, we can.. but it's whether we want to or not.. secondly, renfu left for shanghai on tuesdae.. was feeling a little down cause he wun be on wan yu but thank goodness, wan yu is showing renfu's own "personal video diary" and his latest news in shanghai.. at least, i'm sitll able to know that renfu is doing fine other than his own blog.. thirdly, ran my 2.4 yesterdae at ECP.. haha.. i dun even know if i passed or fail.. hopefully i passed then i dun have to re-run again!! heehee.. owells.. in conclusion, life still goes on whether or not 406 got the highest earnings, whether or not renfu is in shanghai and whether or not i do pass my 2.4.. life still continues!! haha.. owells.. anywae, tmr's my last c.o practice b4 i officially step down and i can't wait!! i mean, these 3 yrs since i joined c.o, a lot of time was spent in school on practices.. like min. 6 hrs a week.. but after tmr, i dun have to stay back for a min. of 6 hrs after school which also means that i got more time to do my own revision and studying.. haha.. hopefully i keep to my own study timetable!! :p

this post is specially for all those in sec 406 esp. for charmaine and gisella!! no matter how tired i am, i'll write this post!! thx ppl for giving me a wonderful last family day in KC!! you've been great and i'm really touched by all that you've done to help make this family day for 406 a success!! really thankful to gisella and charmaine for staying with me at the stall since the start of family dae till the end!! thx to fiona low and hui yee for taking some time off ur own plans to help with the earrings!! thx to chunhui, vanessa goh, kang li and aretha for coming early to help me set up the stall!! there's too many people to thank but i shall sae a very big thank you!! i will nv forget this dae!! you ppl and my other frens have created many memories during my 4 years in KC!! and shall continue to create more till we part!! ok, i'm getting a bit too emotional so yah!! real sorry for my wildfulness and wadeva attitude of mine that you could not accept!! but nevertheless, we've made family dae 2006 a very big success!! THX!!