life still continues... we all know we must continue living our lives but it's so hard to stay strong and to let go.. i feel sad.. not for myself but for my cousin and my uncle.. just feel sad for them and it's a feeling that seems so hard to explain.. but no matter wad, we will all try to stay strong and give them support and continue living our lives even as our lives are no longer the same as before..

just realised that the 2 people i dun fancy seeing is teaching the same level as me.. before knowing this, i was just trying to convince myself that even though my aunt is no longer around, i still can attend catechism meetings without her, and attend it alone.. but now that i know the 2 people i dun fancy seeing is teaching the same level as me, it would only mean that i would see them during catechism meetings.. and this has made me lose the strength to attend catechism meetings on my own.. it's just that i have to attend meetings on my own now and my aunt is no more around to take care of me, to explain to me some things after meetings if i dun understand and to send me home after meetings.. it's just me alone.. and i'm finding it so difficult to face some people now especially people who doesn't know about my aunt and i'm not close to.. but i tink it all takes time.. just a matter of time..

i will never forget the day i posted my previous post.. 22nd dec.. i actually didn't want to blog about this but i realised that if i dun, i may just break down.. i lost my aunt that evening.. the aunt that my family was very close to.. the aunt that i was looking forward to going for catechist meetings with.. the aunt who looked after me abt a week ago when my family went to malaysia.. i lost her that evening.. and it'll be forever.. i missed her lots.. the last time i saw her was during the 2nd sunday of advent.. and that was it.. i will never see her again or hear her voice again.. but she will alwaes be in my heart.. broke down totally today but i had cousins with me to keep me company and console me.. if it wasn't for them, i wouldn't know wad i'll do..

i would like to thank all my frens who offered their condolences to me especially these people:
1. thanks TRACY for listening to me feeling upset and helping to update me with wan yu and shao nian.. thx lotsa..
2. thx to my dear GODMA for being there for me when i cried at her place on sundae morning and today again in church..
3. thx to CLARE who helped to comfort and console me in church on christmas dae when i cried at the tot of not being able to spend christmas with my auntie anymore..
and lastly,
4. thx to MICHAEL.. u've been a great fren and a great godbro the last few daes.. really appreciate it lots.. P.S i've read ur blog.. really thx... if u and ur family wasn't there for me and my family, i wun know wad to do..

really grateful to all others who helped me in a way or another.. will try to stay strong..

i read my fren's tagboard just now and.. i realised how a person could have grown up over the years.. (not saying 56 but frens...) this fren i've known since young and he's rather introvert?? and very studious.. so when i knew he was in a relationship i was actually quite shocked but a few mths back i found out another news frm another fren.. and i'm glad he's taking things easy as in looking a bit on the bright side..

wad surprises me is that although we're in the 21st century and wadnot, there are ppl who can't take breakups easily and freely even if it's a one-year together thing.. and usually the gals will make a big hoo-ha over it but in my fren's case, it was a rather mutual break up i guess according to wad i heard and wad i saw on his blog.. and yes, although it may be a little torturing but at least u come face to face with reality.. and that's a good thing.. ok, i tink i'm talking a bit of sense but nevertheless, i hope he wun be too sad and enjoy and get over the pain of losing her during this christmas season cause there are still ppl who care about him and want him to be happy so nvm if he doesn't see this post but it's the tot that counts..

christmas is less than a week.. gosh.. get to open the many presents received again although every year, the amount of presents received seems to be lesser... :S but nevertheless... it's christmas and i get to wear my grad dress again!! haha... supposed to go shopping with tracy todae at vivo but the rain spoilt my mood yesterdae so decided not to go out but today was oh so bright and sunny but instead of going to vivo with tracy, i went to TM on my own to get some christmas presents and i've gotten almost everyone's one.. well.. except for one or two more presents but nevertheless, better than nth.. just need to do the wrapping tonite and tmr when my sis comes back with the christmas wrappers..

last weekend was ok except a little lonely due to the fact that my parents and sisters went to KL and i din go so was left alone home.. wasn't quite exactly used to it but was ok.. so yah and of course, they bought things back for me.. so sweet of them though!! haha.. owells.. my house and room is newly painted.. the living room doesn't seem much of a diff to me but the rooms have all got new colours.. parents' room is light blue, mine is lime green and sisters' room is dark blue.. so yah.. seems to blend into the colour of longvale's buildings.. haha.. owells.. christmas party's on the 26th and having some frens over.. hopefully we'll all have a great time..

I WANT THE 2007 J-STAR CALENDAR!!! it's quite nice leh... hopefully i can get it end of this year in sg... and i'm starting to miss zhi and fu.. didn't go and send them off at the airport todae.. owells... sad sad.. i'm getting sick and tired and fed up with my work life...

things never seem to go smoothly for me ever since 26th nov... wadeva that happened, it was all past.. i'm really really tired.. mayb not physically but mentally... after 'o' levels ended, i never seemed to have gotten a good rest as in stay at home and chill out... instead, although i did stay at home, but i was kept busying worrying abt my graduation dress and when i can start work.. but now that i've been offered a job, i dun feel like working and i really mean it.. mayb i didn't notice how exhausted i was mentally when these job offers came knocking on my door.. but now i know.. I JUST DUN FEEL LIKE WORKING AT ALL... just wanna stay home and chill out.. watch my tv, listen to music, read my book, do some occasionally exercise and also occasionally catching up with frens.. but i see everyone so enthusiastic abt their new chapter of their life after o levels.. as for job wise, i'll really turn down all job offer and stay at home and chill out and get recharged and see if i still wanna get a job in jan if it isn't too late... if not, i guess i'll just stay home.. but now, all job offers will have to sae gd-bye to me.. afterall, i'm not in the urgent need of money so i think it's ok.. but the problem only lies with my family members esp. my mum...owells.. no matter wad, life still goes on... and i can only live my day as it passes...

i will not stop worrying till wednesdae evening.. just feel so insecure and hopefully i dun receive any letter from the lawyer of XXX company.... just want wednesdae to faster come and go so that i can set my mind and heart at ease....

just had a nagging frm the parents.. abt my job.. here it goes again: told my boss that i wanted todae as my last dae instead of wednesdae.. and i am willing to compensate them if necessary.. so my boss said ok, next week i dun have to go in.. [partly because i'm not willing to work...]. den my dad said one whole load of crap that i din understand.. and they dun seem to get the pt that i was the one who proposed to the company that i wanted to end my work todae.. and dat i am willing to compensate them.. so i dun see why they must nag and lecture over such stuff.. haiz.. long story lah.. wadeva it is, if it is necessary, i WILL compensate the company with my own money.. so yah.. at the most, i'll just sacrifice my good food and things that i wanna buy that's all.. feeling so stressed up again...

anywae, better blog this lest i 4get..
zhi and fu's flight:
arrival departure
sun, 10 dec mon, 11 dec
12 noon 1.10p.m
BR225 BR226
P.S: TRACY!! 56'S FLIGHT EVERYTHING ON MY BLOG.. DUN SAE I NV TELL YOU!! haha...

short update: i quit my job after working there for 1 day.. just didn't like the job and mayb realised that admin isn't a suitable job for me.. haha.. so i tendered my resignation letter on 2nd day and today, i asked if instead of working till wednesdae, can i compensate the company then.. and in return, my HR said that i could leave and dun go back next week since i didn't want to do it.. so i said ok.. so todae was my last dae but i've got one problem.. my mum thinks that i'm working till wednesdae so from mon to wed next week, whr can i go in the morning?? told my auntie about it so i think chances are i'm going over to her place and will be there till.... evening 5 plus?? den at the most, when i get home and if my mum ask why i so early, den i'll just say cause i finish my work early.. lame excuse but wadeva.. and i just sent an apology letter to my HR.. thank goodness they didn't sae anything about sueing me cause i didn't want to work till wednesdae but i still did my job of doing data entry for them and did a neat work, k.. and yes, i'm sorry for leaving early but wad can i do since i've got no interest?? owells.. anywae, XIEZHI AND RENFU COMING TO S'PORE NEXT WEEK!!!! YEAH!! FOR STAR AWARDS.. DAMN HAPPY.. FINALLY GET TO SEE THE TWO OF THEM AGAIN ESPECIALLY ZHI.. tracy wants to ying jie them but because they come on sun, i can't go so i'll most likely send them off with tracy bah?? who knows.. afterall, i'm officially jobless again and to my family members, i'm officially jobless on thurs.. owells..