I won't betray my friend's trust so I won't fall for him.. I hope I don't.. I managed to prevent myself from falling into another pit the last time.. I hope I can prevent myself from falling in again cause i know I'm not his kind.. but it's hard to say.. afterall, we used to be in the same class and I had a little feelings for him... but i don't want to lose her as my friend.. so i'll try not to fall again.. he's her eyecandy... i'm her friend.. i treasure her friendship.. now that i don't see him, will i get over him and help her win her eyecandy?? i really don't know.. i don't want to fall again.. or at least, not yet... :S

last post for the month of april.. haha... anyway, i'm in school now, rotting away, waiting for my next lesson which is at... 11a.m. after that followed by a 3 hour break again... sian.. was supposed to have HR mgmt tutorial but was cancelled again.. and i only have an hour lesson at 4... dots.. will be bored to death again.. haha... YNPS called me just now again to ask me to do relief teaching.. but as i said, i have got lesson.. even if i don't have, i end at 1.. how to do relief?? haiz... i miss teaching kids... i'm having an after-effect from teaching.. haha... there goes my extra 1 day pay.. oh, they called me yesterday as well.. so it should be, there goes my extra 2 day pay.. haiz... sad sad... :( but nvm, i've got more chances in future... lol... ok, off i go stoning... lol... bye! :)

worked today again.. heehee.. had fun but tiring.. but even then, i still love relief teaching!! :) seems that from now onwards, i'll be working on mondays if the schools need me... lol.. haha.. anyway, yup yup, new start to a new week.. i'm already a bit cui le after today.. haha.. hopefully i'll get my energy back.. looking forward to a quick break during the week as well!! heehee.. labour day of course!! i guess many of us are indeed looking forward to this break, huh?? owells... i smsed K this evening after i reached home, asking her about plans for tmr's break.. apparently, she's spending it with KH.. i'm starting to feel left out.. in the sense that she didn't ask if i wanted to join her.. ok, maybe i'm just being over-sensitive.. but i hate to be left out without giving 'prior notice'.. i mean, like when i was planning to have lunch with my ex-classmates on thursdays during the 1-hr break, at least i told her beforehand so she could choose to either plan her own break or have the choice of lunching with us.. well, at least i invited her.. not that she doesn't know the gals.. owells.. maybe i'm really just being over-sensitive.. lol.. pls tell me i'm thinking too much and i wun feel left out in this new class.... =S

I wanted to blog... but now, I've forgetten what i wanted to blog about.. gosh, i think i'm going to suffer frm senile dementia in future.. can't remember recent happenings.. *gasps*

yes yes.. i survived the 1st week of school.. FYI, i'm actually supposed to be in school, taking part in some business day event for all Yr 2s in dip in business but no, i didn't attend.. i'm at home.. lol.. but it seems it's part of APEL.. so yes, i skipped one tutorial lesson for APEL already.. btw, i'm not the only one.. heehee.. ok, back to the topic.. yes, i survived the 1st week of school... made some new friends but not very close to them yet.. however, me and two other gals, kai hui and kelly, would meet up and go for class tgt.. so it's a good thing?? well.. will get to know the others in class more.. :)

although i made new frens in class, i miss my 1B08!! i miss having lessons with them and having picnics during lecture.. although i still see some of them like xiao min, yee sin and rachel, i still miss them during tutorials!! lol.. but i'm glad to know that we'll all still keep in touch with each other.. for e.g, i made a deal with jacelyn, xiao min and yee sin to have lunch tgt on thursdays since they clash my lecture and after that we all have an hour's break.. of course, the group will increase cause i'll include sherlyn as well occasionally bah? lol.. so thursdays are my meeting days with them!! :)

wad about me and him?? owells.. i was talking to sherlyn the other day after jap and our topic was him.. she told me wad daphne and the others were telling him, to give me a chance.. haha... to me, he's hurt me badly.. at this point in time, i only see him as a fren.. no more than a fren, purely because he hurt me badly. i dun wanna get hurt again in the meantime.. so i guess i won't be looking for any guys yet.. but maybe one or two will catch my eye.. but towards him, even if he does heed daphne's advice and give me a chance, chances are i may not accept him because of what happened in the past and he's accepting me not on his own free will but because of wad others has told him.. even without him, i believe i will live my life better.. i will prove to show him that it's his loss, not mine although i know his main intention.... and we were talking about some other stuff about me and him... all not very convenient to say it here lah.. but what i just said above is the general conclusion... lol..

geeks, this post seems long huh?? lol.. too many thoughts and happenings this week alr.. well, there were more happenings but heehee, won't be able to jot everything down here.. btw, i was a little unwell this week.. and school has just started.. lol.. this is sure BAD!! anyway, i bumped into hui yee 3 times this week already and it was all coincidental.. haha.. owells.. ok, this is such an abrupt ending to my post.. lol.. :)

yeah!! tmr's 23rd apr!!! getting paid tmr.. although it was only for last monday (for the time being until 8th may...), but nevertheless, i'm still being paid!! yeah!!! haha... so exciting!! lol.. anyway, i officially started school today... and yes, i made new frens like kelly (tx to xiao min...).. and rite, i survived day 1 with him in class.. gosh.. thank goodness no one in 2B01 knows my relationship with him otherwise i guess the teasing will never end.. haha... so let's say i start my life anew.. maybe cause so far, i'm the only old fren he knows, we still talk to each other and surprisingly, more than before.. haha, maybe u'll think it's a joke but hey, no, i'm not joking.. lol.. owells, i'm sure i'll be able to survive year 2 sem 1 with frens like kelly.. i think i'll end up calling her kel.. lol.. anyway, morning lecture tmr.. but it's jap!! looking forward to it... heehee... will update again soon... p.s: i think i'm down with a sore throat.. :(

finally have the time and energy to blog.. lol.. anyway, let's start frm friday.. went to the doc to get my stitches removed but sadly, no, it hasn't fully recovered when i thought it was... the wound near the joint didn't heal back.. so i was on bandage again for 2 more days... waited quite long just to remove the stitches and i had to rush home to have lunch before reporting to school.. haha.. in all, i earned $194 this week after deducting $1 for some chinese association?? lol..

went to the other side of singapore on saturday to pay respects to my late grandparents.. basically, my family went qing ming on saturday afternoon.. the sun was super hot.. stopped by macs at yishun for ice-cream before coming home.. went out about an hr later.. was meeting angeline for dinner and k box.. heehee.. we went marina square where they had buffet and k singing there.. quite worth it but i think the both of us didn't sing enough.. haha.. i still had songs i wanted to sing.. will go back some other day again.... was home late.. mum called at 10.50p.m to check where i was... by the time i reached home, it was 11.15... and i took a cab back (by the way) from bedok inter cause there was no bus!! lol... could have reached home earlier if i took a cab instead and had not decided to wait for the bus..

a result from last nite's late night out: super sleepy in church.. and a super high catechism teacher in class.. haha.. the kids are not high, but the teacher is.. haha.. and yes, that teacher is me.. lack of sleep lah.. ever since i entered poly, i'm so used to having a minimum of 8 hours of sleep.. so yes, with only 7 hours of sleep, i was damn tired.. lol.. had piano.. came home and sleep after that.. my eyes literally couldn't open.. gosh.. =O

anyway, tmr's the start of a new year.. gosh, i feel so old.. i'm senior to the Yr 1s.. haha.. remember last year when i started school.. had some problems but.. i'm glad i got them!! haha.. they know who they are lah, rite??!! there's no lessons for me tmr but i'm going back with sherlyn and a few others to settle some subjects stuff and admin work.. will be doing my binding of BOE notes and settling my lappy.. haha.. after that, most probably have lunch with them unless KCP calls early and i decide to go in and earn myself another $65.. lol..owells.. i can only say, i'm not really prepared to start school because i'm 'hooked onto' relief teaching and partly cause of him...

i just needed to blog today.. haiz.. got back my timetable.. i was supposed to be excited but after knowing he would be in my class, i was a little upset.. why?? just when i thought that he could be out of my life after last sem and start my love life anew this sem, the school just had to post him to my class.. if he didn't change course from marketing to business, i wouldn't have ended up in the same class as him.. haiz.. i'm quite bothered by this.. we're now STILL classmates this semester again.. when i told the others, they were quite shocked and some even felt i was being unlucky.. sherlyn said she didn't know whether i should be happy or sad and whether she should be happy or sad for me.. in my point of view, i ought to be sad.. i mean, now that we're in the same class again, i can't really guarantee that my feelings for him won't come back... i can't say that i won't fall for him again.. i just really wish he can get out of my sight man... haiz.. bothered man..

anyway, overall, my timetable's quite ok.. got one free day.. yes, ting and tracy, dun be jealous.. haha.. quite a number of hours for break on tuesday and wednesday.. seems for the 1st few weeks, i'll be coming home for lunch and to rest after class till i've settled down with my new class and when projects start to come in.. lol.. hopefully i'll make new friends real soon!! ok, let's being mean for once.. maybe i hope that someone is alone in class this sem and i can make frens with her.. lol.. this class isn't going to know the relationship between me and... btw, i've been working.. today and tmr.. going in the afternoon to relief a teacher.. i love the afternoon sessions more than the morning sessions.. heehee... and good news: stitches removed tmr!! yeah!! :)

hey peeps!! i guess it's become a habit for me to blog once every two days.. not sure if this will continue when school starts or not but owells, studies come first.. anyway, went out today.. nono, not relief teaching but an outing with Godma.. :)

received Godma's sms this morning and i thought since i'm free at home, why not meet up with her since we've been trying to meet ever since i started my holidays till now.. so yup, met up with her.. headed to her house to meet her before going to east coast park for a walk.. it has been some time since i went to the beach so naturally, i enjoyed the breeze and the walk.. we walked for abt 45 mins to 1 hour before going to starbucks for a small snack.. heehee.. as usual, she treated me to starbucks.. lol.. it was quite fulling so didn't have dinner when i came home.. oh, she sent me back to her place and i took a bus back from church since it was more convenient for her that way.. heehee.. i guess i was a little tired out from the walk that i slept a while in the bus.. lol.. what did we talk about? lol.. family, school.. everything.. lol.. I love this Godma of mine.. :) a very nice lady who would give me advice on life and sent me emails about religious issues.. :) she sure helped me improve my faith in Catholism.. haha...

anyway, timetable will be out tmr!! so excited.. can't wait to know who's in my class.. haha.. i'm just hoping i end up in the same class as sherlyn but owells.. low chance bah?? gonna turn on my lappy and the PC at home so that i can print out my timetable and compare with other people.. and easier for me to type out my own style.. lol... can't wait.. and btw, seems that we've only got 5 subjects including CDS.. lol.. i guess this semester wun be that stressful and packed afterall.. :)

before i start on my day, argh!! my timetable will only be out on thursday... and i think next week, 1st wk of sch, i've got 3-4 tutorials!! ahh.. this is sooooo crazy and insane.. argh.. i'm so gonna die due to the stress, increased workload and the projects.. and i hope i choose the correct project mates this sem.. dun want a repeat of what happened last sem to happen again..

ok, anyway, i was finally being called to do relief teaching by my old school just on my last wk of holidays!! how nice.. but nevertheless, i've started my teaching experience.. a long story about today.. too lazy to type it out here.. but i've enjoyed myself today back in school with the familiar faces of the old teachers.. and it was nice of them to remember me, this old girl.. i missed those days in the basement, in the canteen etc.. a lot of memories came back.. lol.. how i missed those days.. :) but it sure was fun.. this just somehow made me more determined to go into teaching after i finished poly.. sounds silly but.. heehee.. i enjoy doing this job.. gosh, first time you hear marianne saying she enjoys her job.. lol.. but of course, with kids, i enjoy any job even though i may and will face obstacles in future.. but with my love for kids and my enjoyment for teaching, heehee.. i guess it's worth it.. and like what mum says, the $65 earned today is worth it although it was tiring.. :) i love kids, i love teaching, i guess i love my life too.. :)

latest update abt my hand.. haha.. for those who wanna know, dun worry.. my hand is recoving well.. the elbow hurts a little occasionally but is quite itchy.. according to mum, she says that if it's itchy, it means that the wound is healing.. so i guess it really is healing and doing fine.. so not to worry!! i was brave enough to take a look at the elbow yesterday when i went back for my checkup and dressing.. i thought it was 5 stiches.. but heehee, i was wrong.. it's 3 stiches only.. so i guess it's not too bad.. at least the cyst is removed once and for all and it won't get bigger already.. lol.. my doctor said everything's going well.. just have to keep the wound clean.. will be back at the doctor again next saturday to remove the stiches.. lol.. not going to see!! btw, i think i scared my frens off with the sudden bandage of my hand.. haha.. anyway, here's the pictorial form of my hand, starting with day 1:


my hand in bandages just after the surgery at the clinic.. heehee.. it's also the picture i sent to those at home and some close friends.. haha...


this was taken yesterday at home.. after the bandage was removed.. it got me itching.. lol..


heehee.. this was today after i showered.. had to change the dressing and apply my cream.. gross huh?? lol.. my first minor surgery in 2008.. hopefully this will be the last till i have my own child.. haha... u know what i mean.. lol...

anyway, i'm entering my last week of the holidays already! so fast.. although i'm bored at home, with nothing to do, i don't exactly feel like starting school yet.. lol.. well, but i guess that's natural.. but really, i can't wait for timetable to be out.. at least i will then know if i got any friends in the same class as me, be it for core class or the CDS class.. lol.. hopefully i'll end up with someone i know.. heehee... when school start, i guess i'll be blogging lesser and come online less often as well.. not everyday but maybe once in every 2-3 days.. can't help it, but school's more important.. plus projects and tutorials.. oh gosh, how am i ever able to look forward to school??!! lol.. ok, cyaz ard.. :)

take a look at my hand first..



basically, it's a minor surgery i went to remove a cyst on my elbow.. yes, marianne, the girl who is scared of injections, went for a surgery involving needles and the surgery knife.. how nice... somehow i overcome my fear and went for the surgery.. it's just to get rid of the cyst which was irritating me.. lol.. so yes, i'm now injured.. heehee.. not sure how to go round doing my daily activities.. just tying my hair is a problem.. so is changing.. haiz.. going back to the doc to get a new bandage and next saturday to remove the stiches.. yes, my elbow was stiched which means there would be a scar.. to guys out there, if you mind my scar on my elbow, kindly get lost or just go and die.. lol.. more updates when my hand is slightly better... :)

back a few hours ago from grand-godpa's funeral.. tired out.. a lot of things happened recently to those around me and each time an event like that happens, we will only then realise the importance of our family members when faced with experiences with death.. i've been through it once and i know how tired the family of the late can get and the pain they are feeling.. i teared a little today and although we wasn't exactly that close, yet he touched my life in the things he has done and the things he believed.. it has really been tiring for his family members and i pray that with God's mercy, they will continue to stay strong cause i believe, that's what he would want them to be... :) ok, sch's starting in 2 weeks time... drats..

whee!! back abt an hr or so already from my outing with tracy, li ting and fiona.. haha.. had a lot of fun and laughter.. so tired.. enjoyed myself really.. hadn't seen li ting and fiona for very long already!! and we were busy catching up with each other.. lol.. i updated fiona about me and him.. well, even she thinks that he shouldn't have treated me that way a month ago.. but owells, it's really over btw me and him.. dun wish to dwell on him anymore.. even though he's the 1st guy to make me realise how much i like him.. :S overall, i had lotsa of fun today!! read the other gals' blogs to find out more in detailed.. a bit lazy to type out.. heehee... here's some pics for today!!

me just before i left the house!!

me and ting while waiting for our food!! lol...

the 4 of us at BK camwhoring.. haha.. :)

me and fiona on the train back home..

the ending photo to today's outing.. i love this photo a lot!! credits to ting.. :)

short reflection again.. although i happily enjoyed myself today, i couldn't help but reflect on what happened recently in my life.. a lot of things happened recently to my loved ones at home, be it directly or indirectly.. godma and her family were affected and now, i guess dad's been affected.. afterall, that old man was his godpa, was my grand-godpa.. we all would be naturally affected one way or another.. i guess now that he's gone, i will miss the last times i talked to him.. and his asking of which one of us sisters have boyfriend or when are we getting married?? lol.. mum told me a few things about grand-godpa.. how he reacted when he heard ah yi passed away.. how he said that why should the younger generation go first instead of him, an old man.. i guessed he really wanted to return back to God and how ready he was to take his place in Jesus' kingdom.. he left in peace, i guess.. back to his maker... to this old man, i think i really would miss him.. i tot i wouldn't be much affected but i guess i was wrong.. although i have never lived with him, but the encounters with him have made me love this old man dearly and somehow, unknowingly.. really.. but i know that no matter how unwilling we are to let this old man go, we all know that he is happy to return to God, to Jesus and i'm sure ah yi will welcome him back... :)

grand-godpa, you'll be dearly missed by all of us.. we will miss you for sure esp. your own family and daddy.. :)

another event that will be affecting all of us at home again.. grand-godpa passed awae due to old age this morning... hmm.. what should i say other than repeating myself again?? i thought his death came quite sudden.. but we never know what God has in store for us.. just like what happened in the past, we never know when we will be called back to God, our maker.. it can be today, tomorrow, a month later or years later.. we all never know.. but one thing i choose to know is that i trust in God.. that everything he does has a reason.. even taking our loved ones back to HIS home.. therefore, i trust in HIM cause he knows what is best for us...

to end of this post, i asked my mum this question, will the death rate in Singapore increase this year?? lol..

just like what my msn nick says... now i know why they're not calling me.. mum checked out the reason behind to why they're not calling me to go in despite being in need of relief teachers.. all because the school clerk thinks that having to verify records and stuff are all so troublesome.. i wonder if she's just being pure lazy or what.. does having to do verification need so much time?? =.= if all school clerks think like her, i can forget about working as a relief teacher even when it comes to my next long holiday.. i mean it.. drats.. haiz.. what to do??

owells.. we were just talking about working just now while preparing dinner.. lol.. i somehow just feel i don't suit office jobs.. really.. haiz.. really don't know how i'm going to survive my 3 months internship next year.. somehow, this is one of the reasons why i felt i made the wrong choice in studying this course.. but then again, what xiezhi said yesterday on tv just struck a chord in me.. i have never perservered at all in office jobs.. longest just being 3-4 days.. and like what he said, if you never perservered, how do you know if you're meant for that job.. ok, i know i'll end up contradicting myself but i somehow agree with what he actually said.. how do i know if i suit office jobs if i've never tried perservering in office jobs?? but i guess the problem just lies with me.. i know the concept yet i'm not applying it.. i'm just scared that i really don't like what lies in store for me.. yet i can't possibly stay home all day the next long holiday.. doing relief teaching isn't exactly a 'stable' part-time job cause you don't know when they'll call and whether they'll ever call.. office jobs, hmm, maybe i'll consider it when i do my SIP but will it be too late?? cause it's a must to complete my SIP.. will i hang in there?? sales job?? i'm a lazy person.. don't want to go far to work.. would rather work nearby.. if this carries on, i really don't know what to do.. can someone just give me some faith in office jobs?? ahh!! i need help man..

hmm.. another reflection again.. lol.. it seems that being single has an advantage, if you would consider it to be one, would be that you dun have to think about whether or not your other half's parents like you or not or approve to you and him or her being together.. would that be an advantage?? i mean, being single, all it takes is spending more time with your family and nothing major to consider abt rgd relationships but being attached is totally different.. it's more than just spending time not only with ur family but with ur other half, and also getting the approval by both families.. and even getting approval doesn't just mean a full-stop to the problems.. it may just be the beginning only.. owells.. maybe i'm thankful for being single at this point in time.. at least i don't have to worry and think for my partner now.. maybe in the future, i'll be that girlfriend thinking for her boyfriend, worrying for his studies, the approval of his parents etc.. but for now, i'm thankful for the life i'm living now.. :)

blog blog blog!! let's blog abt.. today!! finally met up with dear tracy!! like after 6 months!! *gasps* that's very long lor.. haha... lol.. and she say i become chio bu.. haha.. thank you hor!! lol.. p.s: i actually only started to da ban da ban ever since i entered poly.. haha.. influenced by friends lah.. heehee.. so we went to bugis.. had prawn mee and started our shopping spree.. walked around bugis looking for clothes and shops.. haha... fun but tired and hot!! the result of our shopping spree was super fruitful!! trace got her bag, sweater, shorts, belt etc.. as for me, heehee, i got my new pair of skinny jeans and... my *finally, after so long* jumper!! i so love my jumper!! it's so nice!! and i'm glad i bought it.. hehe... can wear for church, school and even meetings with frens!! haha.. so love it!! :)

took neoprints with tracy too!! gosh, the aircon was just the thing we needed and wanted after shopping at bugis village!! was so hot and sweaty.. we love the aircon at bugis junction after our shopping spree, don't we?? can u believe it?? we went in the afternoon and we got all so hot.. whatsmore at night?? and worse if there's no wind!! haha... then it was camwhore time!! took pics with my phone.. haha.. haiz, dun say anymore.. enjoy the rest of the post with the best pics we took!! :)

we've got a secret but only the two of us know.. lol.. *do we have a secret?? haha...*

i just love this friend to bits!! heehee.. and lastly...

the pic we both like lots!! haha...

anyway, had lotsa of fun with tracy today!! looking forward to next wk with the addition of ting and fiona to the pic!! :)

hmm... sudden reflection again.. got back from a wake not too long ago and well, this post is on my reflection:

it's quite surprising on how we tend to treasure life and those around us after an upset event has happened... we tend to take things for granted.. we do not know how to cherish our loved ones until something happened.. for me, that was something i've learnt abt 1 year and few months back after what happened.. it was a blow to me and that day, i couldn't accept it.. no tears, nothing.. didn't know exactly how i should feel.. and i guess maybe that was how Godma and they felt yesterday?? to them, they may have felt prepared but for us, it wasn't.... godma said this today: 'children, treasure ur parents before it's too late...' this somehow struck a chord in me.. yes, we ought to treasure them before it's too late.. i mean, our parents have done a lot for us, their children, and shouldn't us, being their children, do something for them and treasure them?? it just makes sense doesn't it.. i guess this incident will make me learn again.. learn not to take things for granted and to cherish those around us, parents, siblings or even friends..

i've been through the pain of losing a loved one forever.. i don't want to go through it again.. or at least not at this moment.. i had a bad dream that day.. not a good one.. and i don't want history to repeat itself.. i'm afraid of losing someone else.. i won't know what i'll do if it happens.. but Lord, not at this time yet, ok?? to all my friends: treasure those around you before it's toooo late... treasure and cherish them now and i promise, you won't regret when they leave ur life one day... :)

after a short chat with a fren online, i suddenly had this reflection, not only for myself but also for them, i guess in some way or another...

it makes me happy to know that slowly and gradually, close frens of mine, mostly from sec sch, are getting attached.. whether or not the other half is their mr right, i'm happy for them to have found someone who likes them and they like other than their family members.. for some, they had to go through obstacles and worries before they can be together and for others, they're still experiencing obstacles even after being together for some time already.. however, there are also some who feel that their other half doesn't suit them and end their relationship while others may be having problems within that relationship.. so it actually still mean to say that even after you're together, there are still problems that you will face be it now or in the future.. and even before you can be together, you may have to undergo obstacles first before you can be together.. no matter what, all these problems and obstacles are just testing your love for each other.. although we can let nature take its course, but on the other hand, shouldn't we do some actions to gain our own happiness?? well, that is if you feel that he's the special one for you.. :)

talking about others, what about me? at this point in time, i'm also not very sure.. yes, i've agreed to give him up and let go.. i'm tired of thinking whether or not i'll end up in a relationship with guy A or guy B.. it just tires me out.. but i'm not against meeting new frens of the opposite gender.. it just broadens my social circle and some way or another, increase my chances of getting hitched.. but that is beyond my control.. i'm tired of thinking on the positive side and hurt myself indirectly.. it just feels like a burden to me after all that had happened.. i'm not sure if being in a relationship is what i want now although i know that even if i'm attached, i won't neglect my studies.. but is this what i really want?? i really don't know.. mayb it is, mayb it isn't.. let's hope i just meet that right guy next semester in year 2.. that's all i can wish for, i guess.. but i don't think i'll ever take the initiative to express my feelings again if i'm not sure of how the guy feels towards me.. yes, although i may be brave but i don't wanna get hurt again, if you know what i mean... :)

owells.. hopefully things go smoothly for me and i'll be able to find THE ONE.. will i?? just where is my ONE?? :S