So what if it's been days? What's happened has happened. What's said has been said. What's done has been done. Don't expect me to treat nothing has happened and everything is fine. Because the truth is all these has become facts, has become history and I can't pretend it has never happened. So don't put your expectations on me and expect me to do it your way cause I'm sorry but I won't.
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till then;
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Reflections;
Emotional rollercoaster ride. But now, my emotions have settled. From being angry to now simply, calm. It was a feeling of betrayal. So how would one expect me to pretend that it didn't happen, such words were not said etc. But rather than say I'm still angry, I'd rather now say that I've accepted those facts cause facts can't be changed, just like history. To me now, some words no longer mean a thing to me. They just become strangers with familiar names. For the past 21 years, to be honest, my true smiles from the heart came from friends. And some friends know me better than them. Because I felt that I could trust friends more than I could trust them.
Calming down, I've never felt loved by them all these years. Maybe cause I wasn't as independent as the first one, I wasn't as smart and clever as the second and the fourth. But be it among them or with the relatives, I never felt loved. Cause whatever I wanted as I started to grow up, more often than not, I had to use my own money to get it myself. Everything was kept within me because I felt that they couldn't be trusted and that my matters would be told to people whom I don't wish for them to know. And it has happened before.
And so right now, although on the surface, it's family. But beneath it, I'd rather choose to be independent myself. Go to work on my own, taking the bus, even if it means waking up 30 mins earlier, leaving the house 20 mins earlier and squeezing with people on the bus and spending a little more on transport everyday. They can jolly well take it that the money given to them each month is for rent. All I need every night would just be a place to stay and a place for me to shower and use the laptop. I spent more time out of the house than at home, maybe with the exceptions on weekends. But the fact is that even if it isn't now, one day I'll grow up and live my own life. And thankfully, I'm not very much depending on them to give me allowance, to feed me or to pay for my degree studies (which I intend to pay on my own, even if it means delaying my further studies for a few more years). But I guess what really made me angry and upsetted me most in this incident was that it's scary that even family members can turn the tables around and say things that you never thought they would say. Yet it's through this incident that made me tell myself that I can trust no one except myself and those who prove that I can trust them.
I may be a nothing or a nobody to you, or be a disappointment in you.
But to me, what others see or think of me doesn't matter
Cause this is my story.
My life's journey's written by me.
The only outcome at the end of this journey is to ask myself,
Have I made my life an interesting and fruitful one?
-
till then;
Emotional rollercoaster ride. But now, my emotions have settled. From being angry to now simply, calm. It was a feeling of betrayal. So how would one expect me to pretend that it didn't happen, such words were not said etc. But rather than say I'm still angry, I'd rather now say that I've accepted those facts cause facts can't be changed, just like history. To me now, some words no longer mean a thing to me. They just become strangers with familiar names. For the past 21 years, to be honest, my true smiles from the heart came from friends. And some friends know me better than them. Because I felt that I could trust friends more than I could trust them.
Calming down, I've never felt loved by them all these years. Maybe cause I wasn't as independent as the first one, I wasn't as smart and clever as the second and the fourth. But be it among them or with the relatives, I never felt loved. Cause whatever I wanted as I started to grow up, more often than not, I had to use my own money to get it myself. Everything was kept within me because I felt that they couldn't be trusted and that my matters would be told to people whom I don't wish for them to know. And it has happened before.
And so right now, although on the surface, it's family. But beneath it, I'd rather choose to be independent myself. Go to work on my own, taking the bus, even if it means waking up 30 mins earlier, leaving the house 20 mins earlier and squeezing with people on the bus and spending a little more on transport everyday. They can jolly well take it that the money given to them each month is for rent. All I need every night would just be a place to stay and a place for me to shower and use the laptop. I spent more time out of the house than at home, maybe with the exceptions on weekends. But the fact is that even if it isn't now, one day I'll grow up and live my own life. And thankfully, I'm not very much depending on them to give me allowance, to feed me or to pay for my degree studies (which I intend to pay on my own, even if it means delaying my further studies for a few more years). But I guess what really made me angry and upsetted me most in this incident was that it's scary that even family members can turn the tables around and say things that you never thought they would say. Yet it's through this incident that made me tell myself that I can trust no one except myself and those who prove that I can trust them.
I may be a nothing or a nobody to you, or be a disappointment in you.
But to me, what others see or think of me doesn't matter
Cause this is my story.
My life's journey's written by me.
The only outcome at the end of this journey is to ask myself,
Have I made my life an interesting and fruitful one?
-
till then;
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Monday, May 09, 2011
Reflections of GE 2011
I've never been a political person mainly because I don't like politics. But after GE 2011, I can't help but wonder the after-effects of GE 2011, is it really good for Singapore, this little red dot? Yes, change may be for the better. But do Singaporeans vote after much consideration? Yes, I've got nothing to say if decisions were made after much consideration. But what about those who vote just for the sake of voting, those who vote just because they don't like the current government? And now, what has been proven is that their decisions has lead to the loss of a competent minister in our government. Complaints and disagreements and anger with the old government and that prices of everything, or rather cost of living is increasing. But think about it, the old government has done a lot for us, haven't they? Even then, the increasing cost of living is inevitable. Sooner or later, everything will increase. If they don't, then won't our little country start to become a third world country where we won't be able to keep up with the trends? But well, the results have already been made. Change in the goverment has already been made. Whether or not this change is worth it, the next 5 years will tell.
-
till then;
I've never been a political person mainly because I don't like politics. But after GE 2011, I can't help but wonder the after-effects of GE 2011, is it really good for Singapore, this little red dot? Yes, change may be for the better. But do Singaporeans vote after much consideration? Yes, I've got nothing to say if decisions were made after much consideration. But what about those who vote just for the sake of voting, those who vote just because they don't like the current government? And now, what has been proven is that their decisions has lead to the loss of a competent minister in our government. Complaints and disagreements and anger with the old government and that prices of everything, or rather cost of living is increasing. But think about it, the old government has done a lot for us, haven't they? Even then, the increasing cost of living is inevitable. Sooner or later, everything will increase. If they don't, then won't our little country start to become a third world country where we won't be able to keep up with the trends? But well, the results have already been made. Change in the goverment has already been made. Whether or not this change is worth it, the next 5 years will tell.
-
till then;
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