my pissed level is relatively high now.. all thanks to ming dao.. like shit him lah!! went to the j-star forum to check some things out and ha, i saw this forum about him entering shao nian as one of the permanent host like mayi.. and he may be taking over renfu's place because of some problems.. like helloz?? shao nian was produced because of 56 and now, here comes ming dao 'intruding' the host grp.. he's wad? wanna take over 56's place issit? or wanna be j-star's yi ge? da shi xiong? i eamn he's so damn irritating lah.. if i ever see him in person, i'll tell him that he stands no chance in taking over xiezhi, renfu and shaowei's place as da shi xiong, er shi xiong and san shi xiong in j-star.. he stands no chance!! so wad if 183 is more popular than 56 in china?? i dun think that gives him a reason to be so proud and arrogant lah.. i just can't stand him.. if it wasn't for shaowei, i wun even bother to listen to 183 songs.. 56 fans watch shao nian because we wanna see 56.. shao nian is the only show that allows us to see 56 often on tv.. and now, here comes ming dao who may take over renfu's place in the show and may kick fu out of the hosting grp and wad happens after that? we wanna watch the 4 of them.. all 56 members.. it seems 56's fans are rather angry over this.. i have no idea wad to say but if that bastard does enter the hosting grp permanently, chances of me watching will cut down alot.. because the hosting grp is not complete.. hopefully none of this is true.. and and and and!!! zhi got injured while filming his show in china.. :( although he is now back in taiwan, i still hope he recovers soon.. i just wanna know he's fine and i'll be glad.. really...

decided to do some blogging or rather some reflections over the past 2 weeks of my life.. it seems people are blogging lesser mayb except for some frens of mine.. owells.. afterall this is the exam period for some.. or rather, not for the sec 4s yet.. lesser people are turning up for school nowadaes.. every one seems to be skipping school just to study at home.. and everyday, people ask me" marianne, are you coming tmr??" and my reply is " yes".. reason? simple, my mum wun let me skip school even if my dad allows.. you see.. the problem simply lies with my parents and then frens will start asking me why i nv ever ask.. because i know wad their answer will be.. a very sraight-forward NO.. so why do i ever bother asking when i even know the answer already? but then again, mayb it's a good thing to be present for lessons although nt much of teaching comes about these daes in school.. well, at least questions can be asked on the spot and work can be done rather than i stay at home and know that i'm not going to get anything done at all.. at least the teachers in school make me get some work done.. and also, teachers may even offer help and suggestions on how to study smart.. so yah, mayb it's not a bad thing on going to school even if my frens are not around.. at least i can concentrate better and focus better?? but i know i'm just lying to myself..
my sis asked me about my L1R5 for my prelims this afternoon when i came back from tuition.. well, my aggregate can actually get me in innova jc but i dun intend to go to jc or try out the first 3 mths.. mum and sisters are trying to persuade me to go but i've got no interest.. i really need a break from all that studying over the last conscutive months and so wad if there wun be any lessons for the first 3 mths in jc?? i'm not going to try out and dun ever try to change my mentality of going to jc?? cause i really dun want to.. figured out the purpose.. make me change my decision on going to poly.. instead go to jc, den to uni den to NIE.. how i wish i can just tell them to get off my back and stop irritating me especially these few daes when at the sight of them just makes me feel irritated.. purely due to stress i guess??
sometimes it makes me wonder.. are they so ashamed of me going to poly? even frens are asking me if i'm serious about gg to poly and some even are shocked when i told them i'm not gg to jc.. i mean why the surprise?? i've had enough of the stress from consecutive studying over the past years and i really need a break and i think i'll suit poly life.. afterall, i dun mind getting a lower pay at NIE and even after i'm a qualified teacher.. that is if i dun get a distinction for my english.. if i do, i'll do mass comm and fulfil another dream of mine - to become a chinese deejay and get to interview overseas artistes.. but that is if i do get a distinction for english.. in conclusion, i'm really tired.. mentally drained and my brain's working very slow.. slower than during prelims and i'm scared.. real scared but who is actually really there for me? to hear me talk? to hear me pour my sorrows.. no one.. not even my family members cause they'll only think it's stupid and they only bother about my dear younger sis and i hate it.. i mean it..
i've lost my sense of direction in life.. i've lost sight of my goal.. just wad am i living for?? i really dunno..