decided to do my blogging.. suddenly felt down after my shower this evening.. actually it started at the end of the day when mrs chua said that there were 2 failures for the maths test out of which 1 was from the 36 girls studying a maths(including me).. think i'm gonna fail cause i didn't know how to do the questions and i drew the wrong graph cause i didn't read instructions and i started to panic.. in all, i didn't really complete the paper.. still feeling down though.. hoping someone could and would call and tok to me.. but i dun think the person i wanna tok to will call.. so yah.. broke down and cried again this evening.. suddenly felt the stress of not being able to do homework and at the tot of scoring low for tests.. i screwed my maths test alr.. not that i wanted to.. there's so many things that i wanna sae but just can't sae.. even on my blog.. i'm just breaking down.. life's been terrible for me this year.. i'm unable to cope with the stress and wad not.. and even while typing this, i'm breaking down.. seriously, sometimes i wonder would life be better for me if i just end it now.. i'm scared.. scared i'm unable to fulfil the standards ppl want me to achieve.. scared of results and the disappointment i'll bring to myself and those around me.. would life just be better for me if i close my eyes and nv wake up again.. i apologise for all this "suicidal" notes but i'm fine.. just need to get them off my chest.. otherwise i'll fall sick bottling these depressed feelings in me.. i know i should believe in HIM but i can't.. i know he'll make my life and daes to come better but i can't.. can someone just tell me what to do.. i'm really at a loss..

basically, i'm tired.. real tired.. the weekend doesn't seem to be giving me enuf rest.. was out the whole afternoon till evening in church for my rite of sending forth and saw mark.. my sister's cathechism partner.. after that went over to mike's place to come back home with his family for dinner.. ended up reading my book and hearing him go crazy with clare.. so yah.. didn't rest until 1 a.m.. stayed up to do some reading of my mag.. den today, woke up to go to church for mass and didn't reach home until close to 6? helped out with the P3 workshop.. though it was tiring, bt i enjoyed myself.. there was one activity called trustwalk.. felt bored and decided to play along.. was quite fun and the aim of the game was to trust your child or rather for me, to trust my sister.. almost at the end, my second sister nearly made me bump right into the wall since i was blindfolded and couldn't see.. overall, it was real fun and will be helping out again next week.. bt at least i've got saturdae to rest and sleep in.. finally reach home and was watching 'The magicians of love' just now and was literally falling asleep.. was really tired.. shall get my rest tonite by sleeping early..
anywae, as i was saying i was in church this afternoon helping out with the P3 workshop and i forgot i had to wear blue top.. so in the end, i ended up gg to clare's place to borrow a shirt.. when i went back to the P3 classroom, everyone in there including my sis and mark was like ' i love boys' and they started laughing.. and i think mark asked me a question but i didn't answer him? so yah.. after that went to bedok interchange and there i got myself a new blue blouse and a pink spaghetti strap.. haiz.. wanted to get a halter but they didn't have my size so yah.. but it's ok.. haha.. owells.. will be online for a while more b4 i'm off to getting ready for tmr and to fall asleep.. haha.. next update: fridae, 28th july (if i have any thing to update abt..)

special request by caroline for me to update my pathetic, dying blog.. haha.. anywae, school's been boring for the last 3 daes.. felt it was a totally waste of time while others may be feel it's a good break from studies for 3 days.. reason? had BMW for 3 days with racial harmony day todae.. brought my maths to do in class.. result of dying of boredem from these (i felt) unnecessary events despite having it annually.. owells.. got confirmed last sundae!! like.. finally.. haha.. mum did reading and dad did holy communion.. took quite a number of pics bt i tot it was quite little still.. >.< style="font-weight: bold;">hui yee didn't cause she had 2 daes MC.. sometimes, i really wonder if such things are real or fake especially when you see that person jumping around healthily the previous dae.. not that i'm implying people are betraying my trust but yah.. owells.. there's tuition and piano for me only tmr morning.. did quite 2 maths papers but i just didn't time myself that's all.. after that, coming home if i dun intend to go to TM to see if i can get my J-star mag.. get some rest, have lunch, take a shower and i'm out of the house again to go to church for rite of sending forth and to get my certificate and photos of last sunday.. godma's coming over for dinner with uncle daniel, clare and michael.. have no idea wad i am gonna talk to them about but i think i'll manage it well.. haha.. hopefully.. anywae, gotta get going.. will try to update again when i have the time.. :p caroline!! dun say i nv update ok? my loyal blog reader.. haha..

make this a short post b4 i'm off to dreamland.. this week's been quite ok.. slowly adapting back to the streesful and sucky school life.. received my prelims timetable and i hate my physics practical.. of all daes in august, it has to be on my burfday.. 24TH AUGUST!! it just has to be on that day.. whether or not i'm in shift 1 or not, i think it will just spoil my day.. of course, i'm hoping to be in shift 1 den can get it over and done with.. prelim dates are out and a sense of fear has just descended upon me.. it's a kind of fear that is undescribeable.. and it's scary.. i'm neither feeling slack or hardworking.. i'm just neutral and that's scary cause i dunno how well i can do for prelims.. serious.. i just have to ask GOD to help me.. owells.. there's piano and tuition tmr.. managed to complete my tuition hw but not within 2 hours[given time] and i think i didn't put in my best.. mainly because i was watching the tv while doing it, secondly, i was quite drained and completed the assignment for the sake of having to complete it.. health hasn't been in tip-top condition since tuesdae? have been getting the flu almost every night.. and the stupid pimple on my nose is painful and it wun go awae.. confirmation's on sundae.. hopefully my pimple wun make it so obvious and my pics ugly.. anywae, gotta go offline now.. need to get up real early tmr for piano and tuition.. haiz.. just dun feel like gg..

friday:
went for school's EMDD with collaboration with SJI.. the performance was great.. went with mike, clarice and his fren, jonathon.. haha.. supposedly to meet clarice den go with her bt mummy made me go with michael.. so i went with him... was feeling quite bad cause promised clarice to go with her.. so anywae, we reacher SJI at ard 7.10.. and my dear god-bro still was like if we dun make it there on time, pls take off your heels and run, k? >.< bt luckily we reached there on time bt clarice was late.. so me and his fren went in first.. during the interval, we went to look for them and we went to the entrance.. sylvia tot jonathon was my boyfren.. haha.. very farnie.. saw sueann, aretha and cheryl ng!! after that we went back in and continue the show.. after the show, mike was gg to have supper with his frens so he gt clarice to send me home and i was toking to hui yee to ease the awkwardness btw me and them.. so yah.. that was yesterdae..
sat:
was at home in the afternnon b4 gg to church for mass.. got my new glasses!! didn't make much of a difference though just that my degree went higher and my frames are slightly thinner.. so yah.. tmr's my sister's graduation.. gg all the way down to NUS.. think will feel tired.. haiz.. school's starting in a day's time? back to a new week and it's alr week 3!! how time pass lah.. soon it'll be prelims.. den 'O' levels!! *gasped* gosh.. will work superb-ly hard for prelims.. hopefully my L1R5 can be as low as possible..