firstly!! i'm so glad my hard work did pay off for prelims.. got back a few papers todae.. not the full paper bt like paper 1 and my chem practical.. i can only sae.. i'm more or less rather happy with my results so far.. not too sure abt the overall marks but i'm glad that i'm scoring and getting marks that i've alwaes wanted to see esp. my e maths.. real happy!! it's beyond words.. made great improvement from mid-yr!! i think my teacher will be proud of me.. and for all i know, mayb thru out my 4 yrs in KC, this is the 1st time i'm getting an A for e maths??!! haha.. of course, i shan't be too happy.. results may just turn the tables on me the next few daes during the coming week.. but all in all, i'm really very happy abt my results so far!! i'm motivated to do better for 'O' levels!! haha.. oh, and mrs chua was happy that i pass my a maths paper 1!! haha.. WELL DONE!! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK BUT DUN BE TOO HAPPY YET!! :)

to give up or not??

spent the last few nites thinking abt my studies after the talk i had with mum on wed.. i'm really tired.. mentally tired.. i've had plans of giving up now on my studies.. just let go.. yes, people will think i'm being stupid or smth but you can nv understand the stress and pressure i'm going through.. even frens who are very close to me.. mayb even tracy can't understand.. give an example.. i'm stranded in the middle of the sea, holding onto a wooden plank, floating to shore.. but the journey back to shore is tiring.. if i can let go and give up on the thought of floating back to land, i'll give up and let go of that plank.. that's what i'm feeling now.. just let go of my studies and give up.. but can i?? many will advise me to continue to hold on for the next 2 months or so.. but do i have the determination and strength to hold on till then?? due to stress, i've broken down at nite.. late at nite after 12 and i cry myself to sleep.. that's what studying does to me.. sacrifices.. i do want to sacrifice my tv time but the tv shows that i watch all help me to de-stress, hoping that i'll be able to absorb my work better.. i believe in that but it's not working out.. i know i should change but if i do change, will i break down eventually? or will i break down a day or two after i change my plans.. i really dunno.. another way of de-stressing would be laughing at the not-so-funny-parts of shows or crying at the most touching part and use those touching parts as an excuse to de-stress.. it's not healthy but i can't help it.. i appear carefree and smiley to those around me but i think no one ever understands wad i'm going thru now.. i need support and encouragement.. but who is willing to give me that support and encouragement?? ok, being emo and i should stop it..
smth happier(at least) to tok about.. told tracy on mon that i'm beginning to like shaowei more than xiezhi.. and she was shocked.. till now, i really dunno who i like more.. zhi or wei? but after a nite of thinking things through, i still think i like zhi.. not that i dun like wei but at the end of the day, i'll still tell tracy that i like zhi.. it always ends up this way.. the last time was li wei lian.. but now, i also think that fei lun hai the wu zun is quite cute!! haha.. but i'll still like zhi.. ok, at least this is something happier i guess?? haha..

stressed?? haha.. i dunno.. people ard me are telling me that.. but do you think i really know if i'm over-stressed or under-stressed?? let me tell you den, i really have no idea!! was just talking to a fren on the phone this evening and she was actually giving me some tips on how to prepare for 'O' levels and wadnot.. and i officially admit!! i have a short attention span.. haha.. oh wadeva.. so yah.. she offered me some tips and yah.. shall try them out? if i can find the time and i'm sure i can.. :S the construction work at my place is really bad.. i can't study peacefully.... [ignoring the fact that i sometimes turn on some music to hear.. but i believe that listening to music helps me to study better though yes, some people will disagree with me.. ] so i'll pack my bag and move to some other places to study during the day.. have made plans to go over to the library and back to school during the study break to study.. at least it's a place more quiet and mayb i can focus and concentrate better.. who knows? ok, moving on to the next subject.... when i just came online, another fren of mine asked me a question which rather shocked me.. haha.. shan't mention the question lah.. it's between me and her.. so yah.. just stop the rumours yeah whoever that started it? it's so not true.. there's nothing between me and *ahem* whom is taken alr.. i think it's quite obvious who *ahem* is alr.. so stop it, ok?? haha.. gotta chill.. owells.. :S